Reconnecting from 11 years ago

[Texkoner]

So this will be a little bit long winded, but here we go.  I dated this gal who lives n works on a horse farm 11 years ago.  It only lasted about 8 months or so and we split because our lives were heading in different directions at the time.  I got very emotionally attached to this gal.  We lost contact at that point.  I found her years later on FB and we started chatting again here n there.  2.5 years ago I went to go see her (she moved n is now 1400 miles away, but still on a horse farm) for a suprise visit after informing her I might do that.  I stayed a few days and things were great, good times, but no physical contact other then a hug or 2.  We stayed in touch lightly after that for a few months and then she told me she was seeing a guy.  I ended communication at that point.  So about 6 weeks ago I was over in her area on business and I called her up n told her I was nearby and she invited me over.  I stayed for 2 days, things were great like before, but no physical contact still.  So I was out there again last week for 3 days for her birthday that she had invited me to, same as before though, still no physical.  Her mom n I are very close, she treats me like the son she never had and we talk about all kinds of things.  Ive told her how I felt about her daughter, and she would like to see it happen sometime.  The thing that Im somewhat confused with is that it seems like Ive been 'friend zoned' but we chat everyday on messenger, she will call me just about everyday, she calls when shes upset just to talk, and she even sent me a link to a property for sale 10 miles from where she lives.  She tells me things that nobody else knows.  Are these signs of possibly wanting something more and shes waiting for me to make a move, or is this normal for a guy who is stuck in the 'friend zone'??  I havnt tried to push my feelings on her at all, I didnt want to get an impulse reaction.  Help please!!

[DarkCh0c0]

What her mom thinks might not be what she thinks

Otherwise, it's hard to tell. Have you tried to make a move and see how she reacts? Are you reciprocating her communication? Is she "flirty"?

And, do you like this girl? Since you seem to live such different lives, idk if it would be beneficial to reconnect.

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Texkoner said:

Are these signs of possibly wanting something more and shes waiting for me to make a move, or is this normal for a guy who is stuck in the 'friend zone'??

Depends. She would like you to be closer to her(by her sending that property link) so thats positive. However, chatting everyday, complaining about stuff, that could be more of a friends deal, especially if not followed by being flirty or physical. You usually want to be at your best at least at the start of the relationship. So her "unloading" everything onto you is not a good sign. That is more of a friends deal, where you dont care to be at your best and just want to be listened. I would at least ask. That property was a nice opportunity to ask if she wants you close by as a friend or maybe something more.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Texkoner said:

 I found her years later on FB and we started chatting again .she moved n is now 1400 miles away, but still on a horse farm. she told me she was seeing a guy.

What inspired you to look her up to reconnect? Were you recently divorced/broken up?

The first thing that jumps out is a 1400 mile distance.

The next is she tells you she's seeing someone.

Unfortunately you seem to be on different pages.

You're taking about "physical touch" as if you were dating and she's just acting like an old friend when you pop into town randomly.

Keep in touch if you want, but date local women.

[Texkoner]

I appreciate the replies.  She is flirty, but not very often.  Her and I both run our own small business (hers is horse rehab, mine is trucking) and she knows that I could easily relocate to where she is.  I didnt mean to say she is complaining alot, but there have been a couple times where she has called for advice about her customers etc because she knows that I deal with alot running a small fleet.  As for how I feel, I am madly in love with this gal, but thats me, I know she doesnt feel the same way.  I see these gestures from her and its just very hard to tell what she is thinking.  I decided to look her up because one day I was driving past her old place and it brought back a flood of memories.  

What I thought of doing was just keep the normal communication open and friendly while leaning towards reconnecting, but waiting for her to ask me when I will be coming out there again, that would be nice and suggest she wants to see me again.  She definitely knows Im interested in progressing further, so Im just waiting for that offer if it ever happens.  I think the next time I do see her, I will make a move and see what the outcome is.

 

[boltnrun]

I've been encouraging one of my close male friends to move to my city. I talk to him every day. I tell him things that bother me and also share when I have good news. He tells me about his personal problems too. I do not want to date him and don't have romantic interest in him. I just love him as a friend.

However, that is just my experience. Yours may be entirely different. I don't recommend making a "physical" move or "going in for a kiss". Maybe try a romantic gesture like bringing her flowers the next time you see her or suggest taking her to a romantic restaurant. See how she reacts.

But if she's dating someone definitely do not try this!

[SooSad33]

You are friend zoned, you know this.

Okay, so you two reconnected at one point BUT , all I see here is a friendship and she doesn't see you as anything more.

Yes, she talks to you regularly, friends do that.  Some may confide more in some rather than others.

What about this BF she mentioned ?

And, It may be an idea, since you have 'those feelings', to give it some distance?  So you can work on controlling that. So, no constant interaction. ( It's not like she is leading you on, so no hard feelings should arise, should you go there & get denied).

I would suggest you tread carefully.  She has not hinted at all an interest in you other than friends, right?  So, if you push it too far beyond that (cross those lines), it may end up messy and to a point she can pull away. So, think hard on this.

[DancingFool]

7 hours ago, Texkoner said:

She definitely knows Im interested in progressing further, so Im just waiting for that offer if it ever happens.  I think the next time I do see her, I will make a move and see what the outcome is.

What makes you think that she knows? Also.....for the love of everything on this planet do NOT force yourself on her!!!!

Which part of she is in a relationship that is not clear to you?

Dude, you need to stay the eff away from her until you cool off and your sanity and judgment come back. She sees you as a friend, someone she can trust and invite into her home. You sure have some very unfriendly ideas about where you stand and what you want.

If you really really need to push this to be clear, then tell over over the phone what you want from her. If she tells you "no thanks" or anything along those lines, no matter how nicely she cushions the rejection, be sure you accept that at face value and move on.

[Texkoner]

I should have mentioned that the guy she started seeing ended last year.  I've decided that I will not be making a move.  Something came up yesterday that has been made very clear that there is no chance.  It's to bad, I really put in alot of effort to try to show her that I'm dedicated, but it's her choice, so as they say, some move up n some move on.  Miranda Lamberts song "Settling up or settling down" is good here.