What to do when you are hurt so much

[kevinV2]

Both 21 years old

Short story. Girlfriend  cheated once, I forgave her we tried and didn't work out because she didn't want a relationship anymore and told me we should take a break and come back later, she basically gave me hope. But she lied to me multiple times when I asked do you still want to be in the relationship and she always said yes.

But now i caught her again lying that she wasn't talking to someone I said are you talking to someone and lied to my face. I said why are do you keep lying to me and her reply was because I didn't want you to hurt (cry) but It just hurt more because i said multible times tell me when you don't want to try anymore even if it will hurt me please tell me

but she never told me and lied

and i'm just so hurt now

 

[Rose Mosse]

The longer you expose yourself to this, the greater the dysfunction normalizes. In other words you're getting used to it despite it continuing to hurt you. 

It's up to you if you want to change your life around and leave this in the past. It's not working. Do you know why you keep going back to her?

[kevinV2]

2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

The longer you expose yourself to this, the greater the dysfunction normalizes. In other words you're getting used to it despite it continuing to hurt you. 

It's up to you if you want to change your life around and leave this in the past. It's not working. Do you know why you keep going back to her?

Because I still have feelings for her. I know it sounds stupid but I just can't seem to hate her after all of this.

[Rose Mosse]

Acceptance doesn't come from hate. Hate is a negative emotion that is encompassing. It takes the other person down with negativity but it also takes you down and clouds you. It keeps you prisoner. 

The flaw in the relationship is half of you, accepting deception and lies from another person. 

All you need to do is realize you don't need that in your life and let go.

[DancingFool]

You don't need to hate her, but you do need to accept that this relationship is over, has been over for awhile and that you need to go away and leave her alone. 

She cheated on you, she told you point blank that she doesn't want to be with you anymore - what more do you need to get the message that it's over? She isn't lying or leading you on, you are refusing to accept reality and leave her alone.

[boltnrun]

Continuing to communicate and interact with her is not the way to make your feelings for her fade.

Yes, you're going to feel bad for a while. But prolonging this situation is only going to make it worse. 

[melancholy123]

41 minutes ago, kevinV2 said:

Because I still have feelings for her. I know it sounds stupid but I just can't seem to hate her after all of this.

You dont. have to hate her but you do need to realize she lies and therefore is not good for you.  What you need to do is move on.  If you cant do that on your own, you need some therapy to learn how to let go.

[SooSad33]

So sorry 😕 

Yes, was very unfair of her to lead you on and on. when she should have just admitted she couldn't do it anymore.  That was unfair on you!

But, sadly, this is the way she's done it.

In order to start accepting & healing from it all, you do NOT contact her anymore, no begging, nothing!

You respect her choice now & just leave her alone.. to focus on yourself.  Yes, it hurts and it all takes time.  But, things will improve, slowly.

You need to divert your time & energy elsewhere.  Get out for some air, hang with a buddy, journal.. go pound a pillow.

But, do not expect anything from her anymore.

One day at a time.

[kevinV2]

38 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

So sorry 😕 

Yes, was very unfair of her to lead you on and on. when she should have just admitted she couldn't do it anymore.  That was unfair on you!

But, sadly, this is the way she's done it.

In order to start accepting & healing from it all, you do NOT contact her anymore, no begging, nothing!

You respect her choice now & just leave her alone.. to focus on yourself.  Yes, it hurts and it all takes time.  But, things will improve, slowly.

You need to divert your time & energy elsewhere.  Get out for some air, hang with a buddy, journal.. go pound a pillow.

But, do not expect anything from her anymore.

One day at a time.

It is really hard for me to go outside now. I have a lot of things to do for school (exams are coming) and i just don't have the energy anymore. I am trying my best to move on but it is really hard.

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, kevinV2 said:

. Girlfriend  cheated once, I forgave her we tried and didn't work out because she didn't want a relationship anymore and told me we should take a break and come back later, she basically gave me hope. But she lied to me multiple times

Yeah, it is hard to move on.. I know.. because.. you are hurt by all of this!

But.. just take a good look at all she has done.. 😕 

Let this sit on you a little while so you can see this is NOT the way someone treats someone they really do care for and take things seriously.

[boltnrun]

What do you think would hurt worse: sticking around, continuing to hear her lie to you and see her talking to other guys, or moving on?

[Rose Mosse]

39 minutes ago, kevinV2 said:

It is really hard for me to go outside now. I have a lot of things to do for school (exams are coming) and i just don't have the energy anymore. I am trying my best to move on but it is really hard.

It's one step at a time. Obviously if you are still communicating with her, freeing up your time to do other things will seem insurmountable and impossible. You're too hurt and drained to think of anything else because her presence is constantly there. It stops you from healing, moving forwards or being more productive. 

Please don't be a martyr either thinking that you can be friends with an ex or someone who's deceived you.

The first step is ending all communication with her and freeing up yourself. 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, kevinV2 said:

It is really hard for me to go outside now. I have a lot of things to do for school (exams are coming) and i just don't have the energy anymore. I am trying my best to move on but it is really hard.

You seem quite depressed and that's not her fault.

You dated 6 mos, insisted on rifling through her phone, accused her of "cheating", because she flirted with someone, became controlling, possessive and overbearing.

She tactfully tried to end it several times. She's not the cause of your problems. Lack of appropriate care for your mental health is.

My advice about this situation is the same:

 

[Jibralta]

15 hours ago, kevinV2 said:

I am trying my best to move on but it is really hard.

It will continue to be hard for a while. But it will get easier over time. Believe me, lots of people have been where you are, and they've made it through. Break ups are never easy. But it is truly in your best interest to cut all ties here.