Nice relationship with unsatisfactory sex

[dreamcatcher]

Me and my fiance been living together since I arrived from my country, one month ago. We are still learning how to live together - both have several emotional troubles and to deal with these have not being easy. We love each other very much, he does whatever is possible to make me feel well and confortable here. But I have noticing that our sexual life is not being as satisfactory as I would like. He rarely touches me the way I would like to (if you understand what I mean...), rarely has the initiative to have sex - and when he does, I would like he could be more romantic ou subtle. I have problems to reach orgasm too - but he never seemed concerned about help me to overcome this. Sometimes I masturbate after sex for obvious reasons - and he seems to find it normal. (Well, if a man could never come to an orgasm with me I would get very concerned and would try to help him - it sounds the best attittude in my opinion.) Sometimes he looks like he is not much experienced in this issues, in spite of his age, or maybe his other relationships had not taught him many things. Or he is too insecure and doesn't know how to act. Maybe it is my problem? I don't know... I've been trying to find answers. I feel very lonely sometimes, and feel like I am not being attractive to him anymore. I think I should discuss that with him, but I am too shy and have fear of make him sad. I really don't know what to do.

 

Any reply is welcome. Thank you in advance!

[darkblue]

I feel you should talk to him about this but in a caring way

 

as he obviously does have some problemz which i think may be linked to insecurity

 

talk over with him how you feel

 

maybe he just needz more confidence in order to fully function in sex

 

maybe yous could try spicing it up .. making sure that yous are both comfortable with it that is

 

db

 

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Trouble is part of your life — if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.

Dinah Shore

[RayKay]

You must talk to him about this and overcome your shyness. You cannot expect him to know how you are feeling without communication...remember how integral communication IS for healthy relationships and marriage. If you let it slide now (the communication) you will find many more problems in the future.

 

I can tell you right now unless you tell him what you like, and what you want things are NOT going to magically change overnight or once you are married. Sexual compatibility IS important in a relationship and unless you get this out in the open with him now and work on some solutions together it will only get worse as you feel more frustrated and resentful.

 

If you talk to him and he seems unwilling to do anything to please you or work on the issue, I would reassess the relationship though, as at this point (only been engaged a month!) you two should be all over one another, and if he seems resistant to work things through, it may be a sign of things to come. In relationships we WANT to please our partner and express our desires. There is more to a satisfying healthy relationship then it just being "nice".

[annie24]

I agree with RayKay and Blue. You need to talk to him. There are a lot of "sex aids" out there like instruction books and sexy board games and things like that. Why not give them a try to "spice things up" like Blue said?

[dreamcatcher]

I would like to thank you all for the precious help. I tried to find the best way to talk to my fiance about what was going wrong and it was like a door being open. Communication is such a simple thing... but sometimes so difficult. If this barrier is overpassed, wonderful things can happen. I still have a long way before me, I feel, but I've started and hope things get easier from now on.

 

Many hugs to you guys!

[darkblue]

congratulations.

 

Lack of communication is the simplest but hardest problem to overcome in most relationships but once that barrier has been broken, only good can come out of it.

 

We do actually make life harder for ourselves in relationships by thinking that not talking and not sharing problems will help the relationships for different reasons. Many people feel they don't want to 'lay their load' on their partner.

 

But once it is done, you can see that your partner can be supportive about your problems and even help to rectify them.

 

so well done and remember; Keep Talking

 

db

 

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When someone allows you to bear his burdens, you have found deep friendship.