movingon Breakup after a 1 year relationship

[lohan]

Hi friends. 

My ex broke up with me last december. We had been lovers in a 12 months relationship, no abuse. It has been now 3+ months but I am still struggling with emotions from morning to around 4Pm[I sleep well though]. It is pattern. I can agree that I have now decided to do things that improve my career like taking courses that I couldn't take while in a relationship but any time before 4 PM I can fail and go back to bed.  I have decided to stop all forms of rebound relationship & sex as I confused my temporary feeling with real healing and hence delaying any hope of moving on. When I stopped them, I felt  worse again. I can't stop easily thinking about my ex and I do still occasionally cry. 

Is it normal for 1 year relationship breakup to take this long to heal?  I have been in no contact for 30 days.

I know I will eventually heal but it seems too much far.

Thank you 

[SooSad33]

Yes, is normal... accepting & healing can take some time - especially if they made an impact 😞 .

There is no 'time limit' on grieving.  Crying is fine.. it's a release. ❤️ 

So, continue on.. and keep focussing on you.  All takes time.

Also, I find if you journal it can help 'get it out' another way.

 

[Rose Mosse]

What are you doing after 4 pm that increases your mood levels or helps you feel better? The reason I ask is because you can find similar tasks/interests/hobbies that replicate or have a similar, more positive impact on your health. Are you isolated or alone from morning to 4 pm and then have family around later in the evening to keep you company? 

Yes, it's a good idea to leave off on casual relationships or rebound sex if you're still grieving. You're still hurt so don't ignore that hurt or try to cover it up with being with someone else. Some things that helped me were discovering new interests and I also took up courses at a local university to brush up on some topics I'm interested in.

Crying is fine. Sometimes it's a form of stress release also if things are overwhelming. We can't always bottle it up and keep it inside. Try viewing it in more neutral terms and a form of release. It was a break up and the relationship is over. The plus side is that you now have the opportunity to heal over and recreate your life or redefine it the way you want to. I would continue not having contact with her for an indefinite amount of time. Don't use each other as an emotional crutch at all. Move forwards on your own.