Not sure what to do about new guy I’m dating

[Not-so-sure]

So, in mid- February I met this really sweet, nice guy and we started dating, but moved really fast. Everything seemed to be going fine up until last Wednesday 3/17. We went out for a nice St. Paddy’s day and ended up drinking way too much. He drank so much that he shoved me. The rest of the night was so horrible. But the next day we talked about it, and worked things out. 
 

However, at the same time on 3/17, a major family crisis hit his family and he hasn’t been the same since. We broke up a couple of times, but worked things out. But he has been so extremely upset over this family crisis. 
He has asked me to be patient with him and I have been. I have also told him I will continue to be patient. But for how long is that appropriate? 

I know he really does care a lot for me. I suddenly had to move across town unexpectedly, and he came to help me move. I had to end up taking a place in a not so good section of town. He’s now worried about me. He later sent me a message earlier this evening apologizing that he’s been sad and thanking me for being patient. I responded with understanding what’s going on with him and that he doesn’t have to apologize for his feelings. 

I am not really sure at all what to do. I feel a lot of anxiety over this entire thing and there are a lot of reasons for that. Part of me wonders if this incident that happened with us is what’s really bothering him and the family crisis is an easy way for him to tell me that that really affected him. But part of me is anxious and worried that I’ll never see or hear from him again, and that I’ll fade out of his life. I hope none of that is true. 
 

But I am trying to understand what he’s going through with the family thing and wondering how I can help. 
 

I really don’t know what to do. 
 

 

 

 

[Hollyj]

So you have dated this guy a month and he has been violent and you have broken up several times.  This has red flags all over it! 
what happened with family? 
Be done with this! How can you not recognize toxic!? Do you usually get yourself mixed up in this type of situation. Most women would run!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Not_Sure said:

. He drank so much that he shoved me.  the next day we talked about it, and worked things out. 

How do you  "work things out" after someone abuses you?

You need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps immediately.

Stop making excuses for abusive behaviors. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Not_Sure said:

 We went out for a nice St. Paddy’s day and ended up drinking way too much. He drank so much that he shoved me. The rest of the night was so horrible. But the next day we talked about it, and worked things out

Nope. 

Drop-dead dealbreaker right here. I would not have tried to work things out with this person. He would already be my dust. 

Add to that the fact that you have already broken up (a couple times??) and it's only been a little over a month since you met?

Not_Sure. What the heck are you thinking? Where are your standards?

[Batya33]

What do you mean exactly -did he shove you by accident -meaning did he mean to just gently move you aside so he could get by you quickly and didn't know his own strength -was he angry -yes I would need to know this information - certainly if you choose to drink you choose the consequences but my husband and I have certainly when we are sober bumped into each other hard by accident and at first it felt intentional but it wasn't -it may have been careless in rushing around but not intentional.  

I think cumulatively this relationship has too many issues too soon so I'd call it a day (and certainly if the shove was intentional out of anger, etc I'd call it a day just based on that).  

[SooSad33]

Mid feb- so a month?

Ohh, tread carefully.  I don't think you know him too well?  Could he be 'an angry drunk'?  Not good. 😞 

Yes, people get stressed out etc, but keep an eye on his actions/reactions.

Nice he helped you to move.. BUT...

If HE is the one who 'broke up' a cpl times, that's crap too.

Maybe he's just a little too unstable- for something successful.

[Rose Mosse]

Slow down and take a deep breath for a moment and give yourself time for this to pass. Don't communicate with him, don't speak with him and don't respond to any of his text messages or calls. I think you're responding to the rollercoaster emotions in this relationship and conditioning yourself to believing you can't do without him or the relationship. He should never have touched you or laid a hand on you.

You may feel empathy for his situation but don't overextend yourself. Take care of your own health and put your life back together. I think you are stretching yourself too thin in this relationship and have begun to step outside of your own health and wellbeing, forgetting that you matter also. I feel for you but I hope you realize quickly that this level of need and desperation to stay in someone's life has all kinds of alarm bells on it.

Healthy relationships would never call on you to substitute your own mental health or wellbeing and you wouldn't feel so torn and out of place.