sorry letter - need some advice

[twelve]

hi all,

 

in short, i have been out of contact with the best friend i ever had for about a year and a half now.

i have changed A LOT.

i feel like a new and more rational person.

we had a very close close bond, but in the end had a falling out and could not see eye to eye for the first time.

we reunited briefly after about 7 months, then we had a very nasty fight because i was pushing for things too much and didnt see it then, and i regret the huirtful thinsg i said.

i said things like, im sick of your **** and i want closure and this is your loss.

 

can words like this be forgiven?

 

i can see how i caused this to happen even tho she was also at fault, and have written a letter of apology that has taken me about 6 months to write.

tomrrow is her birthday and i was thinking of sending it, wihtout even mentioning her bday, but it will obviously be a gift.

 

i am so so so scared of rejection as what keeps me barely here is the hope that we can reconcile, and if i never heard back,id be so very surprised (as she loved me a LOT), and also so hurt and depressed i cant even describe it.

 

any thoughts on whether an apology can change things?i know if she wrote me, id forgive the things she said, but still, i cannot bring myself to do it

I just wish so much that I could show her how much I have changed.

any advice appreciated

[aug104evr]

If you don't send the letter you will regret it. Right now you are saying "hey I was wrong I'm sorry". If you just leave things the way they are you saying "Hey I'm still the jerk I was". So either face rejection and know that you tried, or be the jerk and don't try. On the upside of rejection you'll at least be at ease knowing that you admitted you were wrong. Good Luck

[twelve]

thanks

thats also something i figure, im only going to look a lot better than i do now huh.