Tips for breaking up with some one you really like

[Loserdudeneedshel]

I have come to the conclusion that I will breakup with my girlfriend that I still really like. 

How do you breakup in the best way and do you have any other advices for the breakup and after the breakup?

Have you had to breakup with a perfect person that you still like?

[Batya33]

Yes.  But the person isn't perfect for you right otherwise you wouldn't want to end the relationship.  The best way is as fast as possible, clean break, separate your stuff ASAP and don't try to be "friends" or stay in touch until such time as you would both be fine talking about your others' significant others.  And please don't tell her how amazing and perfect she is.  Or how you have to "work on yourself".  Simply explain that you think it's best you went your separate ways, your heart is no longer in the relationship and you're sorry but you think it's the best decision for both of you.  Good luck.

[Yirboy]

What's the reason for breaking up? Because I was in a similar situation 4 months ago, and you need to be absolutely sure, because you might not get her back ever again. If you still have feelings for her, then I'm quite sure you will regret it at some point

[Rose Mosse]

From your other thread you're 18 and have been dating her for three years. Just tell her the truth and that you don't feel the same way you used to.

Consider this completely over and don't meddle or try to keep in touch as friends after breaking up. Have some respect for the other person's space and life (this goes both ways).

Once it's over, it's over and the kindest thing to do is to move on with your own. 

The next person you date will not appreciate your ex hanging around in the background either so do your best to move forwards without looking back.

[Loserdudeneedshel]

52 minutes ago, Yirboy said:

What's the reason for breaking up? Because I was in a similar situation 4 months ago, and you need to be absolutely sure, because you might not get her back ever again. If you still have feelings for her, then I'm quite sure you will regret it at some point

I am (18m)and for almost 3 years ago I meet my girlfriend that I loved and now I dont now If she is the right one. For a year ago a new girl in school were intrested in me and I kinda felt the same but, The complicated thing is that I still is in a relationship with a girl thats perfect, maybe not for me, she loves me to the moon and back and I would do any thing for her but she is more and more starting to feel like my bestfriend/sister than my girlfriend, I have lost the loving love for her I think. I cant forget the girl in my school, we are always cheaking eachother out, we havent speak only a shorts hey two times! I would do any thing to have this problem solved I dont want to lose my girlfriend but I still want to date the other girl, why needs love to me so complicated, right now I hate it What would you do and have you been in the same situation? I know i should breakup but I dont want to make her sad and lose her for ever. But I cant forget the other girl 

From the start of our relationship she have been so loving and kind that I almost have felt suffocated, I have never had the chance to be the romantic one and never felt the feeling of missing her becuase of that. So I dont know if will start missing her when we breakup.

How did it work out for you and what were your reasons?

[Loserdudeneedshel]

39 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

From your other thread you're 18 and have been dating her for three years. Just tell her the truth and that you don't feel the same way you used to.

Consider this completely over and don't meddle or try to keep in touch as friends after breaking up. Have some respect for the other person's space and life (this goes both ways).

Once it's over, it's over and the kindest thing to do is to move on with your own. 

The next person you date will not appreciate your ex hanging around in the background either so do your best to move forwards without looking back.

What should I do after the breakup If she is calling or text should I just ignore and what if I see her on the bus were we cant get away from eachother. Should I remove the images with us on instagram, becuase I  would like to have them left because its still a great memories we have shared and not something I would like to lose and forget. 

[Batya33]

If you find that you want to date others it is time to let her go so she can date others.  Even if this other girl doesn't want to date you you have the "dream of someone else".  Watch the old movie You've Got Mail which has that line. When you are with the right person you might find others attractive because we're all human but you don't have the desire to be with that person so strongly that you would consider leaving your partner.  You might be flattered by attention by someone else but it doesn't result in you questioning your entire relationship.  It's ok that you two have grown apart -might be your ages or might just be growing apart.  It's not complicated.  You like your girlfriend but you don't want to date her anymore or be exclusive with her. 

You want to see what else is out there.  Let her do the same.  You will likely miss her a lot when you break up.  But it doesn't mean she was the right person for you. If you end up in 6 months or a year still missing her a lot and realizing why you lost the spark and how you can reignite the spark -what would need to be done - then contact her and if she's interested and available you two can consider dating again.  But I wouldn't do it sooner - because sooner won't mean she's right for you or that you made a mistake, just that you're missing her familiarity and the known entity.  It doesn't matter if she is "perfect" or loves you -she has to be right for you and the loving feelings mutual.  

[Batya33]

Just now, Loserdudeneedshel said:

What should I do after the breakup If she is calling or text should I just ignore and what if I see her on the bus were we cant get away from eachother. Should I remove the images with us on instagram, becuase I  would like to have them left because its still a great memories we have shared and not something I would like to lose and forget. 

You can save the photos on a computer that has your password.  Yes -remove the images and if you see her be cordial and polite.

[Loserdudeneedshel]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Yes.  But the person isn't perfect for you right otherwise you wouldn't want to end the relationship.  The best way is as fast as possible, clean break, separate your stuff ASAP and don't try to be "friends" or stay in touch until such time as you would both be fine talking about your others' significant others.  And please don't tell her how amazing and perfect she is.  Or how you have to "work on yourself".  Simply explain that you think it's best you went your separate ways, your heart is no longer in the relationship and you're sorry but you think it's the best decision for both of you.  Good luck.

Should I just breakup and lever without any longer conversation? It feels like its needed because we are so close, but at the same time she probably will feel better if I just leave

[Batya33]

You act with respect and dignity.  You meet with her in person and you tell her what I suggested above in person.  You let her express her feelings and you listen without interruption.  

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Yirboy said:

What's the reason for breaking up? Because I was in a similar situation 4 months ago, and you need to be absolutely sure, because you might not get her back ever again. If you still have feelings for her, then I'm quite sure you will regret it at some point

This is his other thread re: this topic ;

 

[Loserdudeneedshel]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If you find that you want to date others it is time to let her go so she can date others.  Even if this other girl doesn't want to date you you have the "dream of someone else".  Watch the old movie You've Got Mail which has that line. When you are with the right person you might find others attractive because we're all human but you don't have the desire to be with that person so strongly that you would consider leaving your partner.  You might be flattered by attention by someone else but it doesn't result in you questioning your entire relationship.  It's ok that you two have grown apart -might be your ages or might just be growing apart.  It's not complicated.  You like your girlfriend but you don't want to date her anymore or be exclusive with her. 

You want to see what else is out there.  Let her do the same.  You will likely miss her a lot when you break up.  But it doesn't mean she was the right person for you. If you end up in 6 months or a year still missing her a lot and realizing why you lost the spark and how you can reignite the spark -what would need to be done - then contact her and if she's interested and available you two can consider dating again.  But I wouldn't do it sooner - because sooner won't mean she's right for you or that you made a mistake, just that you're missing her familiarity and the known entity.  It doesn't matter if she is "perfect" or loves you -she has to be right for you and the loving feelings mutual.  

Thanks for all the help! I sounds wise that I should not try to get her back before 6 months or a year, and it gave me a hope that if I do the biggest mistake in my life i maybe have a very very small procentage to get her back. 

[SooSad33]

8 minutes ago, Loserdudeneedshel said:

What should I do after the breakup If she is calling or text should I just ignore and what if I see her on the bus were we cant get away from eachother. Should I remove the images with us on instagram, becuase I  would like to have them left because its still a great memories we have shared and not something I would like to lose and forget. 

You need to have your say.. then leave it alone.

She will get your point.  Then, no real reason to keep communicating, for the best of both sides.. So you can both work on accepting and heal, move on, etc.

As for seeing her on the bus, I had this issue as well in school.  My ex sat more to the back, I stayed closer to front.  Yup, this happens but we have to keep going.

They are around but you don't have to deal with them anymore.. Tons of people date then split.. it's life.

You're young, you're experiencing being involved now.  No, the first one you date does not mean you are with them the rest of your life.

 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Loserdudeneedshel said:

Thanks for all the help! I sounds wise that I should not try to get her back before 6 months or a year, and it gave me a hope that if I do the biggest mistake in my life i maybe have a very very small procentage to get her back. 

I would not count on it at all.  Most likely she will meet someone else -my only point was not to try to contact her before that time even if you miss her and not to contact her at all after that time unless you're 100% sure you want to get back together.

[SooSad33]

2 minutes ago, Loserdudeneedshel said:

I sounds wise that I should not try to get her back before 6 months or a year, and it gave me a hope that if I do the biggest mistake in my life i maybe have a very very small procentage to get her back. 

- Most often, after a BU, it's not the same again.  many issue's remain on why.. plus the hard feelings of the break up, itself.  So, I suggest you do not aim for this.  There are reason's you are going to split from her.  Accept this.  And don't expect anything more.

You guys are young, you will both heal and move on.

So, remember, should you go there.. then want to get her back.. think of the reasons why you split and should she go back to you, it may not work out.

[Loserdudeneedshel]

4 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

You need to have your say.. then leave it alone.

She will get your point.  Then, no real reason to keep communicating, for the best of both sides.. So you can both work on accepting and heal, move on, etc.

As for seeing her on the bus, I had this issue as well in school.  My ex sat more to the back, I stayed closer to front.  Yup, this happens but we have to keep going.

They are around but you don't have to deal with them anymore.. Tons of people date then split.. it's life.

You're young, you're experiencing being involved now.  No, the first one you date does not mean you are with them the rest of your life.

 

I hope it will workout fine for us if we meet eachother but I think it will be hard. Should I like go for a walk and sit down and talk to her, because it dont feel right to do i at her home, but at the same time I want to leavefast if I have to

[SooSad33]

Yeah, maybe just a walk... and explain how you feel.  Sure, it will hurt, but it needs to be done now.

Never lead someone on. Be honest & get it done.. so you can both work on accepting.  She will get over it.. we have all had to.

That's the cost of being involved. 😉 

[Loserdudeneedshel]

3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

- Most often, after a BU, it's not the same again.  many issue's remain on why.. plus the hard feelings of the break up, itself.  So, I suggest you do not aim for this.  There are reason's you are going to split from her.  Accept this.  And don't expect anything more.

You guys are young, you will both heal and move on.

So, remember, should you go there.. then want to get her back.. think of the reasons why you split and should she go back to you, it may not work out.

One think that makes it a bit harder is that she the other day woke up from nightmare were i broke up with her and she said that she woke up and cried and feelt panic

[Batya33]

Just now, Loserdudeneedshel said:

I hope it will workout fine for us if we meet eachother but I think it will be hard. Should I like go for a walk and sit down and talk to her, because it dont feel right to do i at her home, but at the same time I want to leavefast if I have to

Respect and dignity. You don't get to leave fast.  You get to leave when it's appropriate and done in a thoughtful way unless you're in imminent physical danger.  

I really don't think age has much to do with this at all.  I was a maid of honor at my friend's wedding in 1987.  She was 21 and they'd been together five years.  Still happily married.  My friend's daughter met her future husband when she was 14.  Now they're married, two kids one on the way - he is a year or two older than she is.  They are in their 20s.  Sure people who meet young have a stronger chance of their lives taking different directions or wanting to date others but it does not have to be that way.  Younger doesn't mean you get over it faster.  There are good and bad sides to your decision -of course.  But you have to be mature about this and decide whether the good outweighs the bad. If you stay with her you're leading her on so I would end it if I were you.

[Loserdudeneedshel]

Just now, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, maybe just a walk... and explain how you feel.  Sure, it will hurt, but it needs to be done now.

Never lead someone on. Be honest & get it done.. so you can both work on accepting.  She will be over it.. we have all had to.

That's the cost of being involved. 😉 

Its a great price to pay, hopefully it will lead to something better i guess

[SooSad33]

Possibly because she can sense something isn't right between you/  She can feel the tension, you think?

Either way, how she deals with it all, has nothing to do with you.  You just need to do it... work it out in your head or write it all down, so you can deal with it properly.

[Loserdudeneedshel]

24 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Respect and dignity. You don't get to leave fast.  You get to leave when it's appropriate and done in a thoughtful way unless you're in imminent physical danger.  

I really don't think age has much to do with this at all.  I was a maid of honor at my friend's wedding in 1987.  She was 21 and they'd been together five years.  Still happily married.  My friend's daughter met her future husband when she was 14.  Now they're married, two kids one on the way - he is a year or two older than she is.  They are in their 20s.  Sure people who meet young have a stronger chance of their lives taking different directions or wanting to date others but it does not have to be that way.  Younger doesn't mean you get over it faster.  There are good and bad sides to your decision -of course.  But you have to be mature about this and decide whether the good outweighs the bad. If you stay with her you're leading her on so I would end it if I were you.

I will be with her all weekend and by monday I will have to do a choice, dont know now but it leans to breakingup with her

[Loserdudeneedshel]

26 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Possibly because she can sense something isn't right between you/  She can feel the tension, you think?

Either way, how she deals with it all, has nothing to do with you.  You just need to do it... work it out in your head or write it all down, so you can deal with it properly.

I have tought of doing a pros and cons but if I need to do that I should probably breakup, i should know If I love someone enough 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Loserdudeneedshel said:

I have tought of doing a pros and cons but if I need to do that I should probably breakup, i should know If I love someone enough 

Well no it's not "should know" - it's that you want to date other people badly enough that you are thinking about breaking up -if that is the case then it's probably time to leave the relationship and let her pursue someone who thinks the world of her and doesn't feel a need to comparison shop or date others.

[Cherylyn]

3 hours ago, Loserdudeneedshel said:

I have come to the conclusion that I will breakup with my girlfriend that I still really like. 

How do you breakup in the best way and do you have any other advices for the breakup and after the breakup?

Have you had to breakup with a perfect person that you still like?

Say, "It's not you, it's me" scenario because that's the truth.  She didn't do anything wrong so you'll have to pin the blame onto yourself so she won't think she is the reason for the break up.  Be kind, respectful and don't drag this break up out to the point of high drama. 

Tell her that she is pretty darn perfect and you are the one with the problem, confused, don't know what you want and if you're bored with her, then tell her you're not the type to be in a relationship for years.  However, remain tactful.  No one enjoys feeling rejected.

Don't expect to be friends.  It's perfectly normal for post-break up people to become permanently estranged so be prepared for this outcome.  Or, she might act coolly towards you so don't expect anything more.  Then be done with it so both of you can move on and have a good life.