Blocked my ex and her daughter

[RicBoy]

My ex left me some time ago, she never made an attempt to reconcile. My son and her daughter kept in touch via video calls while playing online games. 

Now that my son moved in with me (he lived with his mom in another country previously) my ex's daughter started to call even more often. 

Last week, during one of the video calls, my ex popped up to say hi to my son, then she kept talking on the background for a while, I also heard a man's voice behind. In this case was my ex's daughter father but sometime in the future could me some guy my ex could be dating. 

I felt this was too much for me and for my mental health to hear a male voice and my ex on the background so I blocked my ex and her daughter from my son's phone and terminated their friendship. 

I sent a text to my ex explaining why, breaking 7 months no contact. Looking back i probably should not have texted her, only blocked. Text bellow:

"I don't feel comfortable you talking to my son on the phone while I'm in the house. I wanted to be with you and the kids but you decided to leave, therfore you and your daughter need to completely go from our lives. I'm not interested in having any connections, including the kids, unless we are dating."

What you guys think? 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, RicBoy said:

, my ex popped up to say hi to my son, then she kept talking on the background for a while, I also heard a man's voice behind. In this case was my ex's daughter father 

Excellent. Your kids shouldn't be talking anyway and she's right to monitor her child's on-line activity and it's great she has a good co-parenting relationship with her child's father.

This connection through your children's chitchat should have ended a long time ago.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

[RicBoy]

40 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Your kids shouldn't be talking anyway and she's right to monitor her child's on-line activity and it's great she has a good co-parenting relationship with her child's father.

This connection through your children's chitchat should have ended a long time ago.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Actually my ex's daughter just contacted me today and said her mother told her I don't allow the kids to talk no more. And she asked please to let them talk. 

I can't go back with my word, I need to protect myself and my mental health and my ex would respect me even less if I'd go back on my word. 

If she doesn't reach out to me, and doesn't want to be with me, so be it. 

[indea08]

I think it was a bit unfair of you to make this the kids problem. How old is your son? How long was the ex’s daughter in his life? Just because your relationship ended shouldn’t mean their friendship had to end.

[RicBoy]

42 minutes ago, indea08 said:

I think it was a bit unfair of you to make this the kids problem. How old is your son? How long was the ex’s daughter in his life? Just because your relationship ended shouldn’t mean their friendship had to end.

My son is 10 and her daughter 13. It was a 7 months relationship with families involved etc. I need to protect myself and I think. Having my ex in the picture will make me stuck for years. We ended in very bad terms, she has me blocked everywhere 

[boltnrun]

It's great you finally ended this unnecessary connection. You had been looking for ways to use this connection to try to get your ex to take you back. 

It's up to your ex to explain to her daughter that she and your son are not communicating anymore. 

[Rose Mosse]

It doesn't matter about the text. As long as your son understands it's your house/your rules and he has to respect them, that's it. I agree with the comment that your ex handles her own daughter. 

Now focus on your relationship with your son and take care of yourself.

[RicBoy]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's great you finally ended this unnecessary connection. You had been looking for ways to use this connection to try to get your ex to take you back. 

It's up to your ex to explain to her daughter that she and your son are not communicating anymore. 

Hurts a bit to know I teared down my very last hope. After all the kids were a connection. I wouldn't be able to win my ex back anyways. Maybe it's best for me and my son that the kids no longer speak and maybe my ex respects a bit more to be able to cut this off and walk away. 

[Lambert]

I remember your story.  And I agree you did the right thing. 

I thought you blocked the daughter? How did she contact you? 

I would ignore and block on whatever way the contact was made.

You explained to the mum. It's on her to explain and help her child.

You do not owe an explanation to a 13 year old. You are the adults. You made the decision and it's done.

Protecting your own mental health and your child is number one.

edited to add- yes. if the adults relationship ends, children's does, too.  lesson here is don't expose your child to temporary people. 

[RicBoy]

5 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I remember your story.  And I agree you did the right thing. 

I thought you blocked the daughter? How did she contact you? 

I would ignore and block on whatever way the contact was made.

You explained to the mum. It's on her to explain and help her child.

You do not owe an explanation to a 13 year old. You are the adults. You made the decision and it's done.

Protecting your own mental health and your child is number one.

edited to add- yes. if the adults relationship ends, children's does, too.  lesson here is don't expose your child to temporary people. 

I didn't block them from my phone. Tho they have me blocked. I blocked them from my son's phone. 

Her daughter created a Facebook profile to contact me. 

[Lambert]

35 minutes ago, RicBoy said:

I didn't block them from my phone. Tho they have me blocked. I blocked them from my son's phone. 

Her daughter created a Facebook profile to contact me. 

Be strong! These ladies are a piece of work.  

Keep blocking.  Obviously this situation (and they) are toxic and it's better to keep away.  

One of the best things you can learn is to get away from people that trigger you or make you feel bad. No matter who they are and what other people think 

We break our own hearts attaching meaningful labels to people that hurt us and then use those labels to justify tolerating bad behavior.

Your son is 10. He'll be fine if you help him through this.  And be there for him. A 13 year old girl is heading into high school and really is not an appropriate friend for a 10 year old boy. She may be immature for her age or whatever.  And it is fine for siblings,  cousins,  etc. even family friends but your reluctance to be involved with the other parent (for ANY reason) is enough for this to be over. 

It will be forgotten, if you don't fan the flames. life goes on. 

 

[RicBoy]

1 hour ago, Lambert said:

Be strong! These ladies are a piece of work.  

Keep blocking.  Obviously this situation (and they) are toxic and it's better to keep away.  

One of the best things you can learn is to get away from people that trigger you or make you feel bad. No matter who they are and what other people think 

We break our own hearts attaching meaningful labels to people that hurt us and then use those labels to justify tolerating bad behavior.

Your son is 10. He'll be fine if you help him through this.  And be there for him. A 13 year old girl is heading into high school and really is not an appropriate friend for a 10 year old boy. She may be immature for her age or whatever.  And it is fine for siblings,  cousins,  etc. even family friends but your reluctance to be involved with the other parent (for ANY reason) is enough for this to be over. 

It will be forgotten, if you don't fan the flames. life goes on. 

 

Problem is I still have feelings for her. But regardless, I think this really was the best decison, not only for me to move on in peace but also to show my ex I have the strength to cut this last connection and move on 

[Lambert]

28 minutes ago, RicBoy said:

Problem is I still have feelings for her. But regardless, I think this really was the best decison, not only for me to move on in peace but also to show my ex I have the strength to cut this last connection and move on 

I understand... if you didn't have feelings you wouldn't have to do this.  Feelings are funny, many times they control us.  but this is a really good step in you controlling them. 

NC, truly zero contact will help those feelings fade. 

I have questioned if I have had feelings for an ex or if I've just attached a memory to  my own feelings in the present. As even if you or anyone could go back, the whole dynamic has changed.  The moment is gone. 

Now is all there is and we have to lay the ground work for the future not the past. 

She's a stranger. As are you. 

But the good news is, someone great is waiting for you and you have to get ready for that. 

[Rose Mosse]

35 minutes ago, RicBoy said:

Problem is I still have feelings for her. But regardless, I think this really was the best decison, not only for me to move on in peace but also to show my ex I have the strength to cut this last connection and move on 

You don't have to show her anything.. do it for you and your son. Onwards and forwards.

[SooSad33]

Was 7 months and things didn't end well...

no reason for your son to interact with her daughter anymore. He's got some 'real friends', I'm sure.

Keep working on your accepting/healing.

No, you sure don't need any more triggers.

You've messaged her- your choice- but no need (she'd get it).  Now, continue on.  No reason for further explanation.

[RicBoy]

15 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Was 7 months and things didn't end well...

no reason for your son to interact with her daughter anymore. He's got some 'real friends', I'm sure.

Keep working on your accepting/healing.

No, you sure don't need any more triggers.

You've messaged her- your choice- but no need (she'd get it).  Now, continue on.  No reason for further explanation.

You sure there's no point in explain better my decison. Does she get it with my last msg? To be honest I'm in pain, deep down I long to reconcile even tho I know it's done and she has no interest.

She probably is even more turned off now that I blocked the kids. She probably sees this as an attempt to get a reaction from her and blackmail her to come back. 

[Wiseman2]

Try to monitor your child's online activity better. Your child should not be making random contact with people.

You also need to question the wisdom of using your child as a tool to get your ex back or play games with exes.

[RicBoy]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to monitor your child's online activity better. Your child should not be making random contact with people.

You also need to question the wisdom of using your child as a tool to get your ex back or play games with exes.

Sure, I don't want to use him. One of the reasons I cut off kids connection. Even tho I know my ex wanted to keep this connection for the sake of her daughter. 

However, ofc I'm very sad, I had a little hope that if kids kept meeting, eventually I'd start speaking to my ex and things could happen or not. 

The way things are now, blocking the kids, and with my last msg to my ex, pretty much the ball is in her court. And the way she is, she is taking this as me hurting the kids to get some revenge. The probability of her reaching out is probably even less now. 

Is there anything at all I could say to her or this msg I sent her is clear enough? I don't know maybe just tell her the truth, that I still have hopes to be with her and I'm doing this for my mentak health... Even tho I think the msg conveys that already 

[boltnrun]

You've told her a bunch of times already. Why would telling her again make any difference? 

Have you tried any of the suggestions people gave you in all of your other threads on how to move on from this and stop obsessing over this ex? Haven't you been broken up longer than you were together?  

Aren't you tired of feeling like this?

[Lambert]

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You've told her a bunch of times already. Why would telling her again make any difference? 

Have you tried any of the suggestions people gave you in all of your other threads on how to move on from this and stop obsessing over this ex? Haven't you been broken up longer than you were together?  

Aren't you tired of feeling like this?

I agree. This woman is not the end all be all. 

Many people IRL and on this forum, often believe with their whole heart that their person is the absolute perfect person.  But this all nonsense.  Anyone can get over anyone.  

The fact that it isn't working out that they don't want to work it is all the proof one needs. There are (plural) better!

What about the millions of other available women in the world? What about one of those? 

Stop fencing yourself in. Options, options, options... you've got them! 

[SooSad33]

8 hours ago, RicBoy said:

You sure there's no point in explain better my decison. Does she get it with my last msg? To be honest I'm in pain, deep down I long to reconcile even tho I know it's done and she has no interest.

She probably is even more turned off now that I blocked the kids. She probably sees this as an attempt to get a reaction from her and blackmail her to come back. 

Well is it?  Or is this all just in your mind?  How you want her to think/act?

I know you're frustrated.. I can tell.  But you don't play mind games - you just don't.

You two were together for half a year.  She left/moved on....

whether you contacted her about that or not... she gets it.

IF she is done with you... she will not react... like you want her to.

And don't use the kids in this.

You need to work on accepting & just leave her alone... no matter how hard.

[RicBoy]

I posted also on another forum. Its funny how people have different opinions. Some say I did the right thing in terminating the kids friendship. Some say its immature and controlling and I should let the kids speak. 

My gut feeling tells me I need to man up for once and if my ex doesn't want to be with me, I should cut all ties. I'm all or nothing type of guy which my ex hated. She is friends with all her exes except me, I guess she knows I don't take anything less than dating. 

[Wiseman2]

Focus on better co-parenting with your child's mother and stop using your child to get your latest GF back.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, RicBoy said:

I posted also on another forum. Its funny how people have different opinions.

You don't really need a survey or random jury to decide what's best for your child. You're the father.

Encourage your child to make all sorts of friends online or in real life through encouraging participation in clubs, groups sports academics at school etc.

You're the parent, not your latest GF or her child. It's for you and your child's mother to decide.

If you have problems with your child, talk to a family therapist and teachers.

[RicBoy]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You don't really need a survey or random jury to decide what's best for your child. You're the father.

Encourage your child to make all sorts of friends online or in real life through encouraging participation in clubs, groups sports academics at school etc.

You're the parent, not your latest GF or her child. It's for you and your child's mother to decide.

If you have problems with your child, talk to a family therapist and teachers.

No I don't have problems with my child, we are both very happy. 

My problem is I can't forget my ex and deep inside i still want her back. But it's too late now, ask straight if she wants to work things out? Wasn't my last msg to her clear, hinting I still would be open to work things out?