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Will no contact work in my case to get my ex back?


Laura Ingalls

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Hello! I'm 24 and he is 27. Basically, after dating for two months (mid-November to early January), he told me he felt too overwhelmed and that he needed to be alone completely (no relationship of any nature at all), also because I was the first girl he had been dating after a tough breakup (which occurred in September) and he really liked me. I can tell he was into me: he was always extra caring with me and never initiated sex, but would always plan nice dates and always reached out to me if I didn't text him first; he even gave me those heart-shaped eyes stare and would remember all the little details about me. Well, while breaking up he said that when he is emotionally charged, he curls up and hides behind a wall to process his feelings, as a coping mechanism. So I wished him all the best and went no contact for a week. Then I reached out to test the waters and he responded gladly. He immediately wanted to talk about some things we had in common, while I just wanted to keep the conversation neutral. I then asked him (since the pandemic seemed to be finally over here in Italy) if we could go out on regular, laid back dates. He declined and said that he still needed to be alone and that maybe, when the timing is right and some time has passed, he may reach out to me. Now, I'm back to no contact as I want to give him the time and space he needs. But do you think that I still have chances for him to reach out to me if enough time passes or did I blow everything up by breaking no contact?

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Sorry, but you were a rebound.  He never had time to process the demise of his relationship; therefore, your relationship would never work.  How long did he date her?  

"when he is emotionally charged, he curls up and hides behind a wall to process his feelings, as a coping mechanism."   Nothing appealing about this!  Big, red flag time!

" he may reach out to me."  Sorry, he sees no future with you.  I think you should move on. 

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He broke up with you after only two months. In my opinion he is just not that into you.  He used you to soothe his pain from his beak up (i.e. as a rebound)  but at the end of the day he wants to see what else is there and play the field instead of getting into another serious relationship so soon.  It could also be that his ex came back so he wanted to be free to try with her again.  Of course he would never admit any of that to you.  Instead he will try to keep you around as plan b if you allow it.  Many men do that.  If he really really liked you though, he wouldn't have dropped you during the honeymoon phase of your relationship. He may or may not come back but keeping your life on hold and waiting for him to come back (as if you are holding your breath) would be a big mistake and a major waste of your time.  This time you need to maintain no contact with the goal to get over him and truly move on i.e. as if he is never coming back.  Any other goal is a waste of time and keeps you stuck in an unhealthy mentality of waiting.  The right person would not leave you like that.  His actions show that presently you two are not right for each other and even if he comes back and you take him back, chances are that he will leave again the moment he finds someone more interesting or if his ex comes back.  Based on his actions he doesn't value you enough or he would never have risked losing you like that in the first place.  Waiting around to take him back creates a very unhealthy relationship dynamic where you give up all your power to a person whose feelings for you aren't strong enough to begin with.  Think about it...  

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2 hours ago, Laura Ingalls said:

after dating for two months  he told me he felt too overwhelmed and that he needed to be alone completely (no relationship of any nature at all)

Then I reached out to test the waters and he responded gladly. 

Try to respect his desire to reflect, process and be alone right now. After 8 weeks dating it simply didn't work out.

Reaching out periodically is not respecting that. No contact is not a tool to change his mind.

If you are ready to  date start talking to and meeting other guys. He's to unavailable and  uninterested.

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You've got the wrong idea about no-contact. It's not some sort of manipulative tool to make the dumper miss you more. If used as such it's going to fail because it doesn't address the reasons that led to the breakup in the first place.

Going no contact is so the person who has been dumped can remove themselves from the situation and work through their feelings of grief, loss and rejection and move on with their lives.

 

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Yeah,, was a rebound.. sorry 😞 

They end as fast as they started.

He is not over his last relationship - and used you.  He is still caught up in that and her.

Best to leave him be.  he is far from ready to get involved with someone else again.

No expectations.. for your own good, just move on. (and remember this experience, if you encounter someone again, who is freshly out of a relationship - don't go near them).

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9 hours ago, Laura Ingalls said:

But do you think that I still have chances for him to reach out to me if enough time passes or did I blow everything up by breaking no contact?

You were his rebound, unfortunately. 

Breaking no contact (or not) doesn't make any difference here. When someone is rebounding after a tough break-up, they don't start dating again for the right reasons. 

I would focus on keeping this door closed and moving on. 

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