kinda silly question but i don't know what to do

[SeaBisquit]

hello, i don't know what to do because I want to ask my bf if I can move back in with him. we broke up a few months ago and are getting back together. we now live in separate houses about 3 hours from each other. i have only lived in my house a short time but it has been broken into a few times. last week i spent the week with my bf at his place, shortly after he brought my home someone had broken into my house while i was sleeping. now i'm really scared to live in my house by myself and i want to ask him if i can move back in. he is away on a vacation right now in another state visiting his dad, his dad is very ill, so i haven't called him and told him about the breaking into my house. anyhow, i'm kinda worried about telling him because he is already going through enough with his dad and i don't want to burden him. so should i ask him or not?

[captain]

Hey,

 

I dont think moving in with him will be a burden on him. If you genuinely feel unsafe and want to live with him again because you are in love with him then I don't see there being a problem.

 

Why don't you speak to him about it when he gets back from visiting his father? As you say, his father is very ill, and if that is the case, then you could be of comfort to your b/f as its difficult having a sick parent.

[chai714]

Wait a few days till after he gets back from seeing his dad. Make sure you emphasize that you fear your safety is at risk - this will be your selling point.

[SeaBisquit]

thanks captain,

i guess i'm just worried that i'll be a burden to him with everything he has going on in his life right now. sometimes it's hard for me to tell him stuff that is going on with me because i feel he has enough problems of his own.

[captain]

Yes he has a big responsibility with his father, however your safety is paramount, and if you feel that you will be much safer living with your b/f, then there should be no problem with it. Once you get to live with him, you shouldnt have any problems regarding to safety, but can of course be of great comfort to your b/f when he is feeling down about his fathers illness.

[DN]

The whole point of a strong relationship is to be able to depend on each other. It is true that if one partner has serious troubles and the other has only trivial problems then you ease off for a while.

 

But your safety and peace of mind is important and I think you should tell him.

[blueangel]

First of all, the chances of that happening again are very slim

 

Second of all, you should never hold back your feelings just because of how someone else feels

 

Third of all, if after reading all that and youre still scared, get a security system. If you cant afford a standard one than be creative

 

Last of all, good luck.

[igor512]

Second of all, you should never hold back your feelings just because of how someone else feels

Actually I have to disagree with you here. He's worried for his father right now, and the last thing he needs is to comfort his girlfriend at the same time. SeaBisquit, if you really love him, ask to move in with him, but do it for him. He probably needs some extra support in his life, so as long as you know you aren't bringing more problems to his house, go for it. Don't make him worry about you, because you're already worrying about him.

[annie24]

Hi - I am glad to hear that you and your bf have worked things out. I'm a little wary about moving in with him so soon though. Have you two talked things out? Why would your problems be better this time around? I would base your decision to move in on the strength of your relationship, not necessarily because of your home invasions.

 

If you are really scared, you should move, or get a big dog and a security system, or get a roommate. But, I don't know if using this home invasion as an excuse to move back in with your bf is a great idea if he's hesitant to move back in together. But, I don't know what his mindset is.

 

Don't worry about the dad. You are the gf, you're supposed to be sharing your lives and experiences together. If a someone says to their SO, "sorry - I can't deal with your home break-in right now, I'm busy," I would say that the SO is a grade A jerk. I doubt your bf would be bothered - I'm sure that he'd be worried, but just really happy that you're doing ok. You should tell him. Good luck.

[blueangel]

Second of all, you should never hold back your feelings just because of how someone else feels

Actually I have to disagree with you here. He's worried for his father right now, and the last thing he needs is to comfort his girlfriend at the same time. SeaBisquit, if you really love him, ask to move in with him, but do it for him. He probably needs some extra support in his life, so as long as you know you aren't bringing more problems to his house, go for it. Don't make him worry about you, because you're already worrying about him.

 

Whether he knows it or not, it will not make the feelings go away. Hey, I have to deal with more than person a day too and so can he. But he shouldnt feel like he has to deal with a person, you know? Comforting someone is different than making their stress your own. Guilt and pity are the worse things to hold someone back. They stem from fear.

 

Well, be fearless. Fear or love? All things come down to this