At odds with Wedding Day Situation

[j.man]

Not at all to dismiss how ****ty it is to push someone to ingest a toxin regardless of any medical condition, but I really do wonder if a good chunk of her persistence isn't coming from a place where dude's so extreme he's in essence threatening to withhold affection on their wedding day if she so much as partakes at any time during it. I can only assume that isn't some isolated dynamic. I'd really be curious as to whether it's the case OP tells her they can't kiss any evening she's had a glass of wine with dinner. Does this extend to other affection such as cuddling, for fear of trace alcohol in her breath?

 

If he's conflating the issues of not being able to drink with not being able to engage in physical affection with his fiancee if she drinks, I'm willing to afford her a little bit of wiggle room for engaging him in what are at the end of the day his terms. In such a situation, it'd be much more dirty hands than any one party being wrong. Perhaps a stretch, but this can't kiss thing is a bit too loud for me to treat as a one-off oddity.

[tattoobunnie]

I was 4.5/5 monts prego when I got married, and had a blast - my wedding was super duper fun. And I had gingerale for my toast. My hubs was pretty sober till the after party with our close buds. And he had a wonderful time. You are soooooo busy taking photos, shaking hands, doing wedding party games, dancing, very very little time for the groom and bride to pound it back!! I would tell her sure, but then, just don't drink anything, but the sips for your toast, or just have seltzer or gingerale which looks like champagne, especially for pictures. I mean, I down some gingerale in front of my cousin who was horrified thinking it was champagne - hahahha. I didn't even bother correcting her on what she saw.

 

Although I do find it odd she is trying to manipulate you into drinking - if you physically can't, don't. I mean, we don't encourage people in AA to even be around booze.

[Wiseman2]

Is this an arranged marriage? Have you ever kissed? Are you simply not on board with getting married and using this as a point of contention? Tons of people can't/don't drink, but are not freaked out about 'getting it on their lips' through kissing.

 

While she seems like she's too focused on booze, you seem to be a bit obsessed. Perhaps you just don't want to marry a domineering party girl? Or marry at all. Call it off. Between the wedding and the divorce, this is going to be very painful and expensive.

When I was 24, I was diagnosed w/ Lyme Disease

My fiancee and I have never had a drink together.

I may not be and therefore not want to kiss her on the lips so as to not get alcohol on my own lips/tongue, etc.

[abitbroken]

I think him telling him he won't kiss her is boundary setting gone awry. But if she is going to get drunk, i agree with him, he can't kiss a woman whose dress and breath reek of beer.

 

Instead i would tell her this:

"you asked me when i think i could drink again and i said i didn't know. The real answer is never. Would you be okay marrying a man who does not drink"

 

My sister has a severe shellfish allergy. Her throat closed up and she almost died once. People still say "oh you must have ate too many/you grow out of allergies.." She will NEVER have shellfish or any seafood that is typically stored with it or served with it ever again. She doesn't need to "try" to see if its okay now.

 

If she says "no, i only want to marry you if you drink" then you have your answer.