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Preparing for the death of a loved one..


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I don't deal with death very well... it is very emotional for me. Even when someone dies in a TV show or movie, I cry. Funerals are hard for me...even if I don't know the person very well, I seem to always get choked up. I come from a big Italian, Catholic family, so death is a very serious thing. We grieve hard. As I am getting older, I am realizing that other people are getting older too. For example, my grandparents. I am very blessed to still have one set of grandparents left as I am closing in on 30. So, it is becoming harder and harder knowing that one day, I am going to get that dreaded phone call. For a while, I thought maybe if I distance myself from them, it will make their passing easier, so there was a brief period where I stopped visiting them. I really need some help coping with my emotions surrounding the death of others. If anyone has any advice on how to help with this, I would greatly appreciate it. Tonight, I got a call that my husband's grandpa isn't doing well and may not have a lot of time. When I heard this, I started crying. He's not even my own biological grandfather, it is my husband's grandpa. My husband wasn't crying. He hasn't even died, but just the thought made my mind go to that place. I need to get a handle on this because, one day, it will be my own grandpa and I need to start mentally preparing for that day now. I will be a mess and won't be able to handle the emotion. How do I deal with these emotions when no one has even died yet?

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Death is hard but it comes. I have had people die in my arms ( my grandma) and given birth to a dead infant and have seen others die. No doubt about it it’s a horrible thing. And it took many years to learn to live with. I still miss my grandmother and she died 40 years ago next month. I miss my son and he died 13 years ago next month. The big highs and lows of emotions are things that we just have to live through.

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Okay I feel like I’m always going out on a limb on this forum and I didn’t read your other thread BUT:

 

If you are somebody who is sick and tired of being scared of death, then you may be prepared to do a thorough exploration and examination of your feelings & belief system about it. Not many will truly want to put the effort into genuine introspection about death because it is difficult work, and death can be a very scary concept...however if you truly can’t imagine going on the way you are going about thinking of and feeling toward death, there are some things you can do.

 

Research other cultures’ attitudes toward death. Surprisingly you will find many large and advanced cultures who don’t have the slightest collective fear of death...

 

Listen to some philosophical treatments on the subject for insights and to encourage a shift in perspective. I, like many, love Alan Watts. If you are in the right frame of mind his talks can blow your mind. Try the first 2:00 minutes of this if you’re like me and you like science & facts to flavor your deep “mystery of life” thoughts...

 

https://youtu.be/3sxhQqaitXM

 

Ask a professional to guide your journey down this path. This is what psychologists excel at, and video sessions are affordable and easy right now.

 

Loss of a loved one usually hurts and we must grieve - but if the mere thought of it is affecting your life negatively I firmly believe you can take the reigns and change your mindset.

 

Best wishes to you and your family!

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Seems to me I suggested in your previous post to look for online therapy to get over your feelings about death. Did you not like that advice?

 

I just started seeing someone, but the sessions just never seem long enough and then she can’t get me back in for a couple weeks, so I was just looking for some advice based on personal experience in between sessions.

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I just started seeing someone, but the sessions just never seem long enough and then she can’t get me back in for a couple weeks, so I was just looking for some advice based on personal experience in between sessions.
find another therapist...

 

Honestly, I get very annoyed by people that claim things that are hard in general, are just that much harder for them.

 

I have heard, many times, "i hate funerals"

 

Its like ok, so does everyone! Why do you think you're so special? what? you care more than other people? things hurt you more than they hurt other people.

 

No. others just have a better control of themselves. For the benefit of others. Do you know what a drain it is to deal with someone that cannot handle themselves on a regular basis?

 

When someone dies its about them, not you. If one of your grandparents passes away, you need to be there for the remaining one and your family to love and support them. Everyone will be hurting, including you, but you keep it together for others, the best you can. Don't make everything about you.

 

And how mean to distance yourself from you grandparents because they will die at some point. You think they're thrilled about it.... get a grip.

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I highly doubt death is easy for anyone to deal with.

 

I don't deal with death very well either. I don't know anyone who does.

 

Since you're a Christian, you should have solace knowing that your loved ones went to heaven and they went home. They are truly cared for by Him. I'm a Christian, too and I find great comfort with my unwavering and steadfast faith.

 

Many times, death, funerals, food prep for post funeral gatherings and the like pulls family and friends together albeit temporarily sometimes. Other times, death brings people closer together long after the funeral is over. Death reunites family and promotes healing. There is an upside and lessons learned after loved ones are gone. "Love one another" just like the Bible says.

 

It took me many years to heal after my father passed away when I was a young girl. Then happiness overrode all pain once I met my husband, married, raised a family together and the busyness of life took over. Sure, I'm sad about his passing but I'm very busy nowadays and my former bereft state had transformed to acceptance and the natural course of life. The new men in my life are my husband and fine sons.

 

Don't preoccupy yourself with death especially since it hasn't occurred yet. Cross that bridge when it comes. Rally and converge together for support then.

 

In order not to have a guilty conscience later, spend as much time as possible with loved ones. Then when they're gone, you won't have any regrets because you did the right, moral thing.

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Honestly, I get very annoyed by people that claim things that are hard in general, are just that much harder for them.

 

If you’re so annoyed, then maybe you shouldn’t be trolling on here. People post on this forum because they are seeking advice for something that they are struggling with. People wouldn’t be asking for help if they didn’t need it.

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If you’re so annoyed, then maybe you shouldn’t be trolling on here. People post on this forum because they are seeking advice for something that they are struggling with. People wouldn’t be asking for help if they didn’t need it.
not trolling... providing perspective.

 

Take a look at how your actions affect others. that's my advice.

 

edited to add: and to find a new therapist

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