Pinkcircle Posted January 2, 2020 Author Share Posted January 2, 2020 Wiseman I’m sorry that you misread what I wrote . At no time did I state that ALL men want 18-35 yr old . In fact I explicitly stated that I’m very aware that not all do . I don’t believe you will find me using the word all ? Incidentally several of the dates I referred to were from paid sites! Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 2, 2020 Author Share Posted January 2, 2020 Leah and others who have suggested meetups . Yes I think these sound like they could be really good options . I like the sounds of meeting a more informal type situation and just making it more of a group get together . Seeing how things pan out and how people get on . That type of thing . I’m going to look into that . Thankyou Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 ......." is you scanning cheap sites with the default age group listed. You seem to be putting zero effort into this and have decided men, not you are the problem. In that case all you are seeing is your own negative self-fulfilling prophecy. Also... I was wondering what do you mean by in scanning sites with the default age group listed . Why would you assume I’m scanning sites without putting in my own choice of perimeters when my whole post specifically says that I’m looking for men who are my peers in age ? I certainly didn’t just jump on any website and allow it to set default perimeters for men I seek to meet . I seek men several years below and above my age because as I stated ... I’m hoping to meet someone who is around my age. I also am unaware of any site that allows me to specifically search men who are looking for women who are their age but would love to know if there are any Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 Lots of great advice from everyone Thankyou Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 Also... I was wondering what do you mean by in scanning sites with the default age group listed . Why would you assume I’m scanning sites without putting in my own choice of perimeters when my whole post specifically says that I’m looking for men who are my peers in age ? I certainly didn’t just jump on any website and allow it to set default perimeters for men I seek to meet . I seek men several years below and above my age because as I stated ... I’m hoping to meet someone who is around my age. I also am unaware of any site that allows me to specifically search men who are looking for women who are their age but would love to know if there are any I mentioned this twice before but again...OurTime. Dating site for those over 50 seeking the same! Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 Yes I had g heard of any of those and will be checking them out . I wasn’t referring to your advice to try specific older dating sites which I’m keen to try I was asking wiseman what he meant by these default ages ? I am not awaree of default ages . Does he mean that men’s profiles are somehow setting limits on the ages of the women who can write to them ? And it’s not the men who are setting the limits ?. So I was asking him what he meant by that . But yes Thankyou for your suggestions for the mature dating sites I will check them out. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 So you are well aware that you have to change the defaults. Some are too lazy some may be fakes. Don't bother with those profiles. Try to familiarize yourself with how dating sites operate. Develop a strategy that optimizes success and minimizes burnout. Right now you have maximum burnout and minimal success because you are fixated on your age and glued to your prejudices about men. If you were cheated on or recently divorced/ended a relationship or something else try some short term therapy rather than enter dating with this kind of chip on your shoulder.. putting in my own choice of perimeters Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 Well, I'm late to this thread, but still, why not add my opinion. Relationships are an exchange; you receive something you want, they receive something they want. Thus you need to find what you want and can offer and who wants the thing you can offer. Men who are around 50 years want to have sex, preferably a significant amount of it. Women over 40 usually are not willing and/or capable to want and provide a lot of sex, especially if men want them to be the active side in sex (which older men often do). It's not age per se, it's how age influences sexual drive. . I’m not sure how other women have been affected by age with their sexual drive but yes it can affect a woman I agree . Mine defiantly increased . I’m not sure where you got your information about it decreasing in women and them not being capable of providing lots of sexual after 40 . Either way I don’t think sexual is really the issue here because in terms of looking for someone I wouldn’t be rushing into sleeping with anyone early on . Not because I’m not interested in sexual but because I’m keen to get to know someone . If that means they move on then I accept that and we probably were not a good match and that’s ok , that’s not really to do with a sexual mismatch but more about our approach to relationships and shared values which someone mentioned earlier and I think are really important Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 If you were cheated on or recently divorced/ended a relationship or something else try some short term therapy rather than enter dating with this kind of chip on your shoulder.. No fortunately neither of these are true and neither is me having a chip on my shoulder . Wiseman I understand you’re clearly very much a regular here and have posted a lot of advice , no doubt some of it helpful however you have been the only person to greet my question with three responses and have managed to tell me I’m the one with a problem , I have a chip on my shoulder and to misquote me as saying ‘all men are like this ‘ none of which is grounded in truth.i wonder if you perhaps feel all the other women who claim to have the exact same experience have chips of their shoulder and are ‘the problem ‘. You say I have a prejudices against men because I dare to say what my experiences were and clarified repeatedly that this was not all men. It is me with the prejudice but not them apparently . And yes I do know how the dating sites work , there was no default causing some men to have a flag come up saying this users settings only allow contact from women between 18 - 35 . How do I know this ? Because I was on the exact same website and could have set my settings to stop men over 35 contacting me if that had been my preference . It was NOT a default .or rather I should say the default is set to a minimum of individuals age and not less on all the sites I used . Most had a default of 18-90 or similar and they had to narrow it manually . I have yet to come across a website that had a default that only allowed young people to contact and you had to manually extend the age range UP to your own age ( perhaps it’s exists but I did not use any that were set like that ) . Each and every profile I encountered that had set a limitation on women his age was done with deliberation and it’s very invalidating for you to say it’s defaults and I’m just being prejudice and I’m the problem . I realise it’s clearly upsetting to some people to acknowledge this and they are in denial that some men would even do this and want to blame the woman for even talking about it and to call her the problem. Wow. I think you and I engaging in any further dialogue is unhealthy as you seem determined to invalidate any experiences I’ve had as it’s just me being judgemental and a problem so I’ll leave it at that and wish you all the best. I think I did however receive excellent advice about the sites for older people and meetups . I have actually found one site today and I’m looking into meetups in my area so I’m feeling good about that Link to comment
Lambert Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 I think I did however receive excellent advice about the sites for older people and meetups . I have actually found one site today and I’m looking into meetups in my area so I’m feeling good about that Good for you! Keep on keeping on! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 I have to LOL at "all women over 40 aren't interested in sex". That does not describe me with any degree of accuracy. OP, I hope you meet some nice gentlemen and have some.enjoyable dates. Link to comment
Lambert Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 I have to LOL at "all women over 40 aren't interested in sex". That does not describe me with any degree of accuracy. OP, I hope you meet some nice gentlemen and have some.enjoyable dates.I laughed at that, too... some stereotypes are just silly. Like me thinking- all men that say that, just aren't getting any.. haha Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 deleted deleted deleted Link to comment
Lambert Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 I like the reading comprehension of people who turn "usually women over 40 has decreased sex drive" into "all women over 40 aren't interested in sex". I'm sure someone, somewhere will share your values; world is full of all kinds of people, bless their hearts.You said.... "Women over 40 usually are not willing and/or capable to want and provide a lot of sex...." "Not willing and/or not capable" is not the same as "decreased." go gaslight someone else. . Link to comment
Lambert Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 best feature of this forum you can block people and never see their posts again. Link to comment
Pinkcircle Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 best feature of this forum you can block people and never see their posts again. That’s a useful feature ;) Link to comment
maew Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Women over 40 usually are not willing and/or capable to want and provide a lot of sex, especially if men want them to be the active side in sex (which older men often do) Hahahahahaha! Most of the women I know in their 40's would wholeheartedly disagree with this statement; for me, not only did my sex drive increase but so did my confidence and willingness to try new things. My younger boyfriend loves every minute of it. OP while it's true that many older men seem to be under the delusion that they would be attractive to a much younger woman, I also agree that those are the ones that, unless you just want sex, are not going to be mature enough for a relationship with you. And no you don't have to settle for someone fundamentally flawed with all of the red flags. I would actually encourage you to do the opposite.... figure out what's important to you, what's a deal breaker and what's non negotiable, and focus on that, as well as taking care of your emotional, physical and spiritual health. You will end up attracting someone that is right for you if you are patient and don't settle. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 best feature of this forum you can block people and never see their posts again. hahahahaha Link to comment
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