I fell in love with a heroin addict. Will she ever wake up?

[aaforever]

The point is she needs professional help not theological debates. Any discussion would be best focused on 'please get help, go to rehab, a doctor, a clinic, etc.' Find some resources in your area that you can refer her to. Keep the discussion about getting her to professional help, groups, clinics, etc.

 

It was. I got her into therapy. I got her going to church. I got her working on her career. I pulled her out of her environment and introduced her to sober friends etc.

She chose to stop going to therapy.

 

Under my watch: She got clean, cold turkey. Quit weed entirely. Quit cigarettes entirely. Cut way down on alcohol. Only drank with me. Maybe twice a month if that. Reunited with nieces, newphews, aunts and cousins who pushed her away due to her addiction. Got a new job where she can help people in need with great benefits, that will pay for school.

 

So don't try to act like I wasn't a blessing to this girl. I must have done something right. What it comes down to is SHE DOESN'T WANT IT. She got a taste of sobriety and she doesn't like it. She'd rather hang with people who don't challenge her and live the same lifestyle she wants to live. She wants to drink, smoke and do drugs when she wants and she doesn't want anyone telling her otherwise. That's why she pushed me away. She knew what she had to do. She's choosing the old path now. So be it.

[boltnrun]

Again, I broke up with her twice. I constantly held her feet to the fire for her bad behavior. This resulted in her rejecting me and saying "I was too controlling, have a temper and we're incompatible." Why would she say that and do that if all I was doing was telling her "I love you" as a response?

 

But you went back, didn't you? That proved you didn't really mean it when you broke up with her. And she knew that.

[MaybeThen]

I got her going to church.

Trading one addiction for another

 

What it comes down to is SHE DOESN'T WANT IT. She got a taste of sobriety and she doesn't like it. She'd rather hang with people who don't challenge her and live the same lifestyle she wants to live. She wants to drink, smoke and do drugs when she wants and she doesn't want anyone telling her otherwise. That's why she pushed me away. She knew what she had to do. She's choosing the old path now. So be it.

 

So that's the end of it then, right? You can't make people change, or make them want to change. I have a friend who is a rescuer, he likes to pick attractive drug addicts up off of the street. He houses them, buys them cars, pays for their schooling and rehab. Thinks he is a white knight. What does he get in return? Most of them died of a drug overdose. Only 2 survived. That's the reality of addicts. Sometimes you have to just walk away.

[aaforever]

Trading one addiction for another

 

 

 

So that's the end of it then, right? You can't make people change, or make them want to change. I have a friend who is a rescuer, he likes to pick attractive drug addicts up off of the street. He houses them, buys them cars, pays for their schooling and rehab. Thinks he is a white knight. What does he get in return? Most of them died of a drug overdose. Only 2 survived. That's the reality of addicts. Sometimes you have to just walk away.

 

That's so sad man. I had no idea what I was actually getting myself into. Its funny because when she originally told me she was hooked on Oxy's and trying to get off - she said "You took that surprisingly well. A little too well..." I was completely naive to what dating an addict/recovering addict entailed. I just figured once it's out of her system it's over. Not realizing the feelings inside (whether it's guilt, shame, regret, trauma etc.) that led her to use drugs in the first place were still there - forcing her to face them. Such a shame. But yes to answer your question, it's the end of it. There's nothing I can do.

[Wiseman2]

Why not date women who embrace your lifestyle?

I got her going to church.

She'd rather hang with people who don't challenge her and live the same lifestyle she wants to live. She wants to drink, smoke and do drugs when she wants and she doesn't want anyone telling her otherwise.

[aaforever]

Why not date women who embrace your lifestyle?

 

That's the plan.

[aaforever]

** UPDATE **

 

So after 2 months of No-Contact I get this out of the blue:

 

Ex: "Hey I got email notifications sent to my phone from your email while I was asleep. Not sure how to log out. Can you get into your email and kick my phone off?"

 

2 minutes later...

 

"Nevermind! I figured it out"

 

 

Why would she text that? First of all, I've logged onto my email from her phone many times during the relationship. These alerts wouldn't just start happening yesterday lmao. She's also very computer savvy, so she'd already know how to log me out.

 

What was the point of this text?

 

I nearly responded with: "Cool. Now lose my number."

 

Do I even respond? I'm baffled.

[boltnrun]

Sure, respond if you want to get back on the toxic merry go round.

 

You could block her and put an end to the obvious pain and confusion she causes you.

 

As for why? To see if you're still hung up on her.

[Wiseman2]

Congrats on going no contact. You don't need head-scratching nonsense like this. It would be best to delete her and all her people from all your devices, accounts, messaging apps and social media. She has issues, maybe she was high again..

So after 2 months of No-Contact.

What was the point of this text?

[iansecure]

** UPDATE **

I nearly responded with: "Cool. Now lose my number."

 

Do I even respond? I'm baffled.

 

I also say keep the no contact going. I get that you probably still care and it's difficult to sever ties completely. I'm dealing with the aftermath of my own heroin addict friend. She became a monster once she started seriously detoxing. I learned this level of addicts cut you out because they're done using you. Whatever she got from you she didn't need anymore. It's not that she doesn't want to be sober, it's that she doesn't want you tied to her addiction. If she really is sober then she doesn't want you as a reminder of her struggle and failures.

 

As for why she texted, well I've learned that heavy addicts like heroin users are most likely narcissists, as it's a selfish behavior to begin with. She probably legitimately had a brain freeze and wanted you to fix the problem that reminded her of you. Like opiates, a heroin addict only uses people for their own gain. Best to leave her alone completely.