Online dating anxiety

[Boo1986]

Ok, don't use people on there as entertainment. Why not get started getting involved in real life. Takes classes, courses, volunteer. Join groups and clubs. Get in shape, improve your activity and nutrition levels. Get a new look, new clothes, hair, whatever. Learn to make friends. Learn to think of others and not stand people up or treat them like pics and texts that aren't real people. Try to be part of the solution, not part of the problem with online dating by being rude or flaky or fake.

 

I used to do classes and volunteer but being a shift worker i can't commit to a set time which makes it more difficult. I've been to lots of meet ups and made somacquaintances there which is a start but i have trouble making friends my age, I've made lkts of friends in my town but they are all 60 or older. I am in shape an exercise every day but in saying that there is lots more i can and want to do. I dont think I'm rude on online dating but I can see your point, i sometimes do talK to ppl I know are not really my type which I guess is a waste of both our times

[Wiseman2]

The point is it's cruel and pointless to use online daters for your amusement and because you don't feel like doing anything to improve your life. What if you saw a banner on someone's f profile stating "I'm here to chitchat because I'm bored and don't want to change that"? Would you start thinking Catfish? or Scammer? or Time-waster? Start improving your self esteem and stop catfishing/spamming people. If you never want to meet, you don't belong on dating sites.

[Boo1986]

The point is it's cruel and pointless to use online daters for your amusement and because you don't feel like doing anything to improve your life. What if you saw a banner on someone's f profile stating "I'm here to chitchat because I'm bored and don't want to change that"? Would you start thinking Catfish? or Scammer? or Time-waster? Start improving your self esteem and stop catfishing/spamming people. If you never want to meet, you don't belong on dating sites.

 

Yes i can see your point again, however I have met a few ppl from online, theres just so many suss guys on there i feel like the longer I talk I can get an idea of what they are really like before having to meet. But i probably dont belong on dating sites at the moment until i get a thicker skin.

[Batya33]

I used to do classes and volunteer but being a shift worker i can't commit to a set time which makes it more difficult. I've been to lots of meet ups and made somacquaintances there which is a start but i have trouble making friends my age, I've made lkts of friends in my town but they are all 60 or older. I am in shape an exercise every day but in saying that there is lots more i can and want to do. I dont think I'm rude on online dating but I can see your point, i sometimes do talK to ppl I know are not really my type which I guess is a waste of both our times

 

I can't commit to a set time either - and when I could from 2001-08 I didn't always make it but did my best. I work part time, have a young child, a husband who travels and I volunteer at our local public radio station and at some religious organizations. If I can make it work you can too.

 

For every excuse you are making -and you are making many -including "it's hard" - do some self-talk and toughen up some - a little bit each day. I have to do this too in several areas and I do it. And I'm in my early 50s.

As far as typing to someone longer, no, you're not going to find out much more that is relevant for dating. Talk by phone for about 15-20 minutes -listen more than talk. See what he asks about you, his tone of voice, his manners, and whether you think you'd be comfortable meeting in person for 45 minutes. I encountered a number of guys who acted like jerks and many good people. I met over 100 people in person. Talking longer had nothing to do with it -I did that a couple of times -no difference. Just a waste of time and for you it triggers your anxiety so it doesn't make much sense.

 

It's really hard. But if your goal is worth it you'll do the work.

[Boo1986]

I can't commit to a set time either - and when I could from 2001-08 I didn't always make it but did my best. I work part time, have a young child, a husband who travels and I volunteer at our local public radio station and at some religious organizations. If I can make it work you can too.

 

For every excuse you are making -and you are making many -including "it's hard" - do some self-talk and toughen up some - a little bit each day. I have to do this too in several areas and I do it. And I'm in my early 50s.

As far as typing to someone longer, no, you're not going to find out much more that is relevant for dating. Talk by phone for about 15-20 minutes -listen more than talk. See what he asks about you, his tone of voice, his manners, and whether you think you'd be comfortable meeting in person for 45 minutes. I encountered a number of guys who acted like jerks and many good people. I met over 100 people in person. Talking longer had nothing to do with it -I did that a couple of times -no difference. Just a waste of time and for you it triggers your anxiety so it doesn't make much sense.

 

It's really hard. But if your goal is worth it you'll do the work.

 

So as per your advice i met up with somekne, we had talked on the phone first

It went ok, we met for one hour and three time during the meet he asked if i would like to see him again and also said he was suprised i looked exactly like my photos, he has rung me twice after but no plan for a future date, and his messages have stopped compared to what they were before we met... why would he say he wants to meet again and then not... so confusing

[bluecastle]

So as per your advice i met up with somekne, we had talked on the phone first

It went ok, we met for one hour and three time during the meet he asked if i would like to see him again and also said he was suprised i looked exactly like my photos, he has rung me twice after but no plan for a future date, and his messages have stopped compared to what they were before we met... why would he say he wants to meet again and then not... so confusing

 

Did you tell him you’d like to see him again?

[Boo1986]

Did you tell him you’d like to see him again?

 

Yes when he asked i said yeh that sounds good, and when he rang me after to see how it went he said "soo would you see this person you had the date with again" jokingly and j said "yes if they wanted to see me" today ive heard nothing from him at all besides a phone call this am

[Wiseman2]

You need to relax and realize dating is in person not over the phone.

he said "soo would you see this person you had the date with again" jokingly and j said "yes if they wanted to see me" today ive heard nothing from him at all besides a phone call this am

[Batya33]

So as per your advice i met up with somekne, we had talked on the phone first

It went ok, we met for one hour and three time during the meet he asked if i would like to see him again and also said he was suprised i looked exactly like my photos, he has rung me twice after but no plan for a future date, and his messages have stopped compared to what they were before we met... why would he say he wants to meet again and then not... so confusing

 

It's not confusing. If there's no time/place plan for another date -a first official date -then there is no date. So you walk away and you tell yourself -if he calls me and confirms time/place I'll go if I'm still interested. And I wouldn't give someone the benefit of talking to me more than once after without confirming "nice to hear from you! I enjoyed our chat - things are getting busy right now so if you want to set up that plan you mentioned let me know!" Many people say things like that vague "want to see you again" and don't follow up. platonically and romantically. I have a new friend I've met once. She lives 5 blocks away. We chat on facebook, etc and she will often say "oh! we should meet for coffee again" and since I offered over a year ago to do so and told her to let me know when she was free every single time she types that I write "great, just let me know when you're free" and then she's off the radar again. Since it's only platonic I don't mind just being a chat buddy of course. But she's basically full of it. If she really wanted to get coffee again she'd suggest a time. Just like many of my other friends, old and new.

[Boo1986]

It's not confusing. If there's no time/place plan for another date -a first official date -then there is no date. So you walk away and you tell yourself -if he calls me and confirms time/place I'll go if I'm still interested. And I wouldn't give someone the benefit of talking to me more than once after without confirming "nice to hear from you! I enjoyed our chat - things are getting busy right now so if you want to set up that plan you mentioned let me know!" Many people say things like that vague "want to see you again" and don't follow up. platonically and romantically. I have a new friend I've met once. She lives 5 blocks away. We chat on facebook, etc and she will often say "oh! we should meet for coffee again" and since I offered over a year ago to do so and told her to let me know when she was free every single time she types that I write "great, just let me know when you're free" and then she's off the radar again. Since it's only platonic I don't mind just being a chat buddy of course. But she's basically full of it. If she really wanted to get coffee again she'd suggest a time. Just like many of my other friends, old and new.

 

Ok thanks! It's good to have some direction, he rings every day, morning and night since our meet up but no mention of meeting again unless it's some hypothetical situation that would never happen. I guess I'll take it as he is not interested enough to actually want to meet again and move on.

[Batya33]

Ok thanks! It's good to have some direction, he rings every day, morning and night since our meet up but no mention of meeting again unless it's some hypothetical situation that would never happen. I guess I'll take it as he is not interested enough to actually want to meet again and move on.

 

Why are you taking his calls? Why does he get the privilege of speaking with you if he's not willing to put in the effort to set up a plan to meet in person?

[Boo1986]

Why are you taking his calls? Why does he get the privilege of speaking with you if he's not willing to put in the effort to set up a plan to meet in person?

 

Yeh your right, why am i taking his calls! No more wasting time on that, Thank you!