I feel like I don't crush on women anymore

[bluecastle]

That's a hard post to read, I admit. I can't quite imagine wanting to have sex with people I thought of in those terms. Is your personal view of yourself—like what you see when you look in the mirror—equally negative? That's a real question, not a judgmental one. It just seems like there is a direct correlation between something that turns you on and something you despise.

 

I think that tension is kind of at the heart of this thread—a connection between sexual arousal and deep disrespect, perhaps disrespect for yourself as much as women—far more than what happens to women when they hit 30 or 35 or whatever age kills the buzz for you. That's just surface stuff.

[Wiseman2]

Exactly. Escorts would offer you hassle free sex and no messy fwb, hookup, etc. situations. You could take care of business in a more businesslike fashion, without all the contempt and self-loathing.

You pay for it one way or another.

[m799999]

Exactly. Escorts would offer you hassle free sex and no messy fwb, hookup, etc. situations. You could take care of business in a more businesslike fashion, without all the contempt and self-loathing.

 

True, but a decent looking escort (not a street hooker) is going to run you close to $500 a visit. Times that by twice a week, and that's 50k a year on sex. Add to this, I would never have unprotected sex with a sex worker. The only scenario that I could ever imagine paying for sex would be if I was over seas in the service or something where I didn't have any options. I could go online right now and message 10 women on OKCupid that are listed as not looking for a relationship or as polly, and one of them is going to end up in my bed. It's too easy to get NSA sex these days to pay for it IMO. If said hook up is lame, you can just toss her like a stale beer and get a new one. They do the same thing.

 

I think this entire lifestyle is mind-blowing to a lot of people that have no desire to engage in such debauchery, or don't have the goods to.

[m799999]

That's a hard post to read, I admit. I can't quite imagine wanting to have sex with people I thought of in those terms.

 

Are you telling me that you've never slept with a woman below your standards? You've never hooked up with a woman you wanted nothing to do with other than sex?

Hell, I know guys that are literally married to women that they think are brainless bimbos. I don't think there's anything strange about hooking up with people that you would never date. Millions of guys do it every day. You think some middle aged married guy getting head in an alley from a hooker thinks highly of the individual he's spending time with? Of course not. He's just looking to get his rocks off. His motives are no different than myself or some of the women I sleep with.

 

 

 

Is your personal view of yourself—like what you see when you look in the mirror—equally negative? That's a real question, not a judgmental one. It just seems like there is a direct correlation between something that turns you on and something you despise.

 

No, I'm a rather confident guy.

I also wouldn't say that I see all the women I hook up with or date as negative either. I would say that I like the majority of them, I just don't have much of a connection to them outside of sex. I don't fall for them.

 

 

I think that tension is kind of at the heart of this thread—a connection between sexual arousal and deep disrespect, perhaps disrespect for yourself as much as women—far more than what happens to women when they hit 30 or 35 or whatever age kills the buzz for you. That's just surface stuff.

What guy doesn't like smacking a girl on the tail or pulling her hair? I think that's pretty normal. As far as "deep disrespect" goes, I just don't see it. I said one of the girls I'm currently sleeping with is an air head. I wouldn't want to be around her outside of sleeping with her, which is pretty normal. Once again I know guys that are in married to women they feel like this about, but unlike myself, they fall in love with them for whatever reason. That emotion allows them to overlook the fact that they think their life partner is stupid I guess.

[Andrina]

What's going on in your head is exuded in the vibe you give out, your body language, your facial expression, and likely what you speak about.

 

I'm going to guess the reason you feel no spark for any woman right now is because none of them feels a spark for you, because it'd be hard to do when your close-minded and negative thoughts about women is clearly revealed by your persona.

 

When a person's face brightens in your presence, and their smile is a lot bigger than with anyone else, that's what's a turn on for most.

 

You don't value a conversation with a woman, which is strange because hobbies/interests/passions don't always pertain to one gender. You are wrong that men don't seek the company of women unless the woman is a sexual target. I have male co-workers who are in no way sexually attracted to me, and in down time at work, they regularly seek my time for a brief chat about music or pets or something funny their kid did, etc. Just because you can't imagine doing such a thing, don't generalize about a subject you're clearly wrong about.

 

It's very telling that you see every single relationship around you (friends, family, acquaintances) as totally unsatisfactory. In my world, it runs the gamut of happy couples and somewhat satisfied couples and miserable couples. One has to guess that your negative views on so many things has got your vision really screwed up.

 

And you also state that older men don't find women their age physically attractive. I met my husband when we were in our forties. I'm 3 years older than him, and we've been together for 10 years. When two of my male co-workers entered into their second marriages in their fifties, they chose women of the same age. If you want to box yourself into fewer options and a smaller pool of available women because of your tunnel vision, so be it, but don't make false statements that other men think in the same vein as you. And Google the rate of failure on age gap relationships. The bigger the age gap, the higher the failure rate.

 

A woman with self-worth would avoid you like the plague, knowing that God forbid, she get into a car accident and get a scar on her face, knowing how your "spark" for her will diminish, knowing how you so highly value the pristine beauty of a woman's skin and you seem to lack the capability of truly loving a woman the way she should be loved. Of course people choose mate's their attracted to, but your views go way beyond to a shallow superficiality.

 

There are pros and cons to everything in life. Since you've come to this forum, you're obviously not happy with this shallow life of banging, since that's all it is. If you eventually want a lifetime partner, with all the ups and downs you must live through to reap the rewards of a loving companion to enjoy meals with, someone who cares for you when you're sick, and is your support system in every avenue of life, you will have to subject yourself to intense therapy to become the kind of partner a worthy woman deserves.

[bluecastle]

Since you've come to this forum, you're obviously not happy with this shallow life of banging, since that's all it is.

 

This is where my mind went—along with just about everything else Andrina articulated with scalpel-precision.

 

The math here is as obvious as 2 + 2 from my perch in the bleacher seats. On one hand you are mystified and made melancholy by an inability to "crush" on women, which I take to mean to "feel more" than you do. Excitement, curiosity—something. And yet look at the way you're describing the people you're hoping to trigger crush-like feelings in you: air heads and vegan stoners who turn to rot when the bell of life strikes 30 or so. Your dislike and disrespect of their humanity is palpable, so how on earth can you expect to feel anything like a crush? Humans don't crush on people they don't like. No, they wilt around such people, and some will wilt with an erection.

 

If you liked the way you're living you wouldn't be here. You'd be at the sorority house, flexing your pecs: harpoon pointed at the barrel, with a deep, genuine sense of self-satisfaction and self-possession coursing through you, because you'd be doing exactly what you believed you were supposed to be doing, the best human feeling on the planet. Or you'd take Wiseman's pragmatic suggestion and go: escorts—good call! But some part of you is resisting that, and I'm torn about what that is. Is it a tender heart behind those pecs, craving nourishment? Or is it, I don't know, the fact that a relationship with an escort would actually be "equal," maybe even weighted in the woman's favor, depriving you of the sense of superiority you can only get with an air head? Real questions, asked earnestly.

 

For what it's worth: no, I have never hooked up with anyone who I mentally deem "below" my standards. If I made that distinction—which of course I have, as women have made it about me—it kills all interest. That is how my brain, and body, works. That's not to imply that I am the world's wokest man—hardly. I've had sex in all sorts of scenarios, shamelessly, just never inside the paradigm you're describing. I've never had sex with someone I hated. It's always been with a woman—a person I believe carries the same human weight as I do on the planet's scale—and I think women are pretty spectacular, along with men. The only difference for me between them—significant, from one angle; not, from another—is that I'm only sexually attracted to women. But that's different than only thinking of women in terms of sex. Very.

 

I'm wondering where you live. Not latitude and longitude, but: big city, small town. Is it a place where you feel there are a high percentage of "your people" around you, or it a place where you feel isolated, unseen? If I lived in my hometown, say, I'd imagine that I'd find my inner-caveman got primarily excited by "younger" people, because I think the "older" people in that area kind of "let themselves go." That judgement applies to all genders and goes far, far beyond BMI—a value difference. I don't much relate to the way the majority of people live back home, which is why I left, many moons ago. I felt my inner light going dim there, and have generally moved to places that keep my inner light burning bright and true. A big part of that is being in places where I'm confident there are loads of "my people" near me: men and women who have it in them to inspire me by simply being who they are.

[m799999]

This is where my mind went—along with just about everything else Andrina articulated with scalpel-precision.

 

The math here is as obvious as 2 + 2 from my perch in the bleacher seats. On one hand you are mystified and made melancholy by an inability to "crush" on women, which I take to mean to "feel more" than you do. Excitement, curiosity—something. And yet look at the way you're describing the people you're hoping to trigger crush-like feelings in you: air heads and vegan stoners who turn to rot when the bell of life strikes 30 or so. Your dislike and disrespect of their humanity is palpable, so how on earth can you expect to feel anything like a crush? Humans don't crush on people they don't like. No, they wilt around such people, and some will wilt with an erection.

 

If you liked the way you're living you wouldn't be here. You'd be at the sorority house, flexing your pecs: harpoon pointed at the barrel, with a deep, genuine sense of self-satisfaction and self-possession coursing through you, because you'd be doing exactly what you believed you were supposed to be doing, the best human feeling on the planet. Or you'd take Wiseman's pragmatic suggestion and go: escorts—good call! But some part of you is resisting that, and I'm torn about what that is. Is it a tender heart behind those pecs, craving nourishment? Or is it, I don't know, the fact that a relationship with an escort would actually be "equal," maybe even weighted in the woman's favor, depriving you of the sense of superiority you can only get with an air head? Real questions, asked earnestly.

 

For what it's worth: no, I have never hooked up with anyone who I mentally deem "below" my standards. If I made that distinction—which of course I have, as women have made it about me—it kills all interest. That is how my brain, and body, works. That's not to imply that I am the world's wokest man—hardly. I've had sex in all sorts of scenarios, shamelessly, just never inside the paradigm you're describing. I've never had sex with someone I hated. It's always been with a woman—a person I believe carries the same human weight as I do on the planet's scale—and I think women are pretty spectacular, along with men. The only difference for me between them—significant, from one angle; not, from another—is that I'm only sexually attracted to women. But that's different than only thinking of women in terms of sex. Very.

 

I'm wondering where you live. Not latitude and longitude, but: big city, small town. Is it a place where you feel there are a high percentage of "your people" around you, or it a place where you feel isolated, unseen? If I lived in my hometown, say, I'd imagine that I'd find my inner-caveman got primarily excited by "younger" people, because I think the "older" people in that area kind of "let themselves go." That judgement applies to all genders and goes far, far beyond BMI—a value difference. I don't much relate to the way the majority of people live back home, which is why I left, many moons ago. I felt my inner light going dim there, and have generally moved to places that keep my inner light burning bright and true. A big part of that is being in places where I'm confident there are loads of "my people" near me: men and women who have it in them to inspire me by simply being who they are.

 

I feel like you're either not really a dude, or you're a very odd man. You'd be hard pressed to find a normal guy that's never got wasted and slept with a woman they wouldn't sleep with sober or simply knocked boots with a woman they never had any intention of dating. Even a lot of nicest most white knight beta dudes still take part in said behavior unless they're completely romantically challenged. I have met guys that have never slept with a woman just to get off, but it was more because they couldn't, not because they wouldn't if that makes sense.

 

As for your question in regards to where I live, I currently live in Oregon, but I've lived all over this country. I spent several years in Seattle. I lived in Indianapolis for a year. I spent about 6 months in Bridgeport Connecticut. I went to college in Tucson. I also grew up in both San Jose and Portland Oregon. The town I live in right now is right between Eugene and Salem Oregon, but i spend more time in Eugene than Salem for work and entertainment. While Oregon isn't racially diverse, it's a very diverse place in regards to ideologies. It's a war zone so to speak. It's both very liberal and crazy conservative. I'm not too political and can't stand either side of that spectrum when it comes to the extremes. I don't want to surround myself wit a bunch of crazy rednecks in jacked up trucks preparing for the end of days, and I can't stand your typical hyper-political hipsters or earthy chicks as well, but this place is loaded to the gills with both types. I guess "my people" would be your more level headed folks not seeking attention or following extreme ideologies. I will admit that Oregon isn't a good place for that compared to a lot of the country, but i do have some family here, and I also have a ton of friends and a business here. This is home for now.

 

Like I said before, I love my life right now, but I'm a bit worried about the future. No kids and no wife doesn't seem like a lot of fun at 60, but the alternative doesn't seem like a lot of fun right not. It doesn't even seem possible right now. Also, I think you guys are focusing on my current escapades too much. I would never have been into these types of women even before I was broken. I wasn't crushing on the quality relationship worthy women that i was dating before. That's what ultimately led me to just smashing booty calls like this.

[m799999]

What's going on in your head is exuded in the vibe you give out, your body language, your facial expression, and likely what you speak about.

 

I'm going to guess the reason you feel no spark for any woman right now is because none of them feels a spark for you, because it'd be hard to do when your close-minded and negative thoughts about women is clearly revealed by your persona.

 

When a person's face brightens in your presence, and their smile is a lot bigger than with anyone else, that's what's a turn on for most.

 

You don't value a conversation with a woman, which is strange because hobbies/interests/passions don't always pertain to one gender. You are wrong that men don't seek the company of women unless the woman is a sexual target. I have male co-workers who are in no way sexually attracted to me, and in down time at work, they regularly seek my time for a brief chat about music or pets or something funny their kid did, etc. Just because you can't imagine doing such a thing, don't generalize about a subject you're clearly wrong about.

 

It's very telling that you see every single relationship around you (friends, family, acquaintances) as totally unsatisfactory. In my world, it runs the gamut of happy couples and somewhat satisfied couples and miserable couples. One has to guess that your negative views on so many things has got your vision really screwed up.

 

And you also state that older men don't find women their age physically attractive. I met my husband when we were in our forties. I'm 3 years older than him, and we've been together for 10 years. When two of my male co-workers entered into their second marriages in their fifties, they chose women of the same age. If you want to box yourself into fewer options and a smaller pool of available women because of your tunnel vision, so be it, but don't make false statements that other men think in the same vein as you. And Google the rate of failure on age gap relationships. The bigger the age gap, the higher the failure rate.

 

A woman with self-worth would avoid you like the plague, knowing that God forbid, she get into a car accident and get a scar on her face, knowing how your "spark" for her will diminish, knowing how you so highly value the pristine beauty of a woman's skin and you seem to lack the capability of truly loving a woman the way she should be loved. Of course people choose mate's their attracted to, but your views go way beyond to a shallow superficiality.

 

There are pros and cons to everything in life. Since you've come to this forum, you're obviously not happy with this shallow life of banging, since that's all it is. If you eventually want a lifetime partner, with all the ups and downs you must live through to reap the rewards of a loving companion to enjoy meals with, someone who cares for you when you're sick, and is your support system in every avenue of life, you will have to subject yourself to intense therapy to become the kind of partner a worthy woman deserves.

 

If my posts make you this angry, why even respond?

We get it, you think I'm scum, but this post doesn't add anything to the discussion. You're just flaming to flame.