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I feel like I don't crush on women anymore


m799999

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So much good stuff to untangle here.

 

Double down away; I don't even totally disagree with some of what you're sketching. Still, I think the art of being a person is different to the art of studying statistics about people. Or maybe my personal fetish is seeing if I can be an exception to certain rules, for better or worse. I pay some mortgages doing something that everyone said was a "crazy" way to try to make a living, and I approach love and human connection, with men and women, from much the same angle: crazy stuff that is so totally doable, wildly sane and critical to nourishment.

 

A healthy relationship is different than a relationship in which you get a "taste" of a healthy relationship. That's actually the opposite. My Nagasaki number up top? We didn't just shoot each other up with emotional machine guns and then patch each other up in the bedroom. We spooned through rom-coms, talked about life, met families, sat around in sweats, traveled Europe and Russia, laughed about inside jokes while eating mac-n-cheese, helped each other with our careers, and so on. A lot of it was sweet. Just sweetness during a war, not during peace.

 

Healthy is just...healthy. It can look a zillion ways, from the white picket fence to multiple partners, but it's about respect and shared values. To get there you kind of have to stop the objectifying—of the whole thing. Of you, of her. Of men, of women. I can "objectify" the current political climate of the USA, for instance, but along with that I live in the USA, a much more rich and nuanced experience than however I feel about what's what on the op-ed pages. Make sense?

 

I'm not taking to you here from a podium, mind you. Same human trenches. I'm 40, never married, no kid. I've got stories, and in the swamp of myself have gone to battle with my head and heart, a lot. I've looked in the mirror and seen a mature dude, and a mess of a dude, often on the same day. Never had a negative view of people, though: not women, not men. Can't explain why, as I've been torqued pretty hard by both sexes, especially by one who is 50 percent responsible for my existence. So it goes...

 

Anyhow, I think some of this can be simplified. Let's sketch you out as a statistic: you're a dude who has had some hot sex and some tepid loves and who, at the dawn of middle age, isn't quite where you thought you'd be. You're feeling a little hollow, a little shallow, or at least frustrated by how things that once felt deep now feel shallow. You are, in all that, in great human company. I say lean into it, to find the depths.

 

Is what you want monogamy? Is it poly? Is it cursory? Is it nameless hi-jinx in back alleys? There are no wrong answers, but you have to come up with answers you respect and have faith that there are other people, of the opposite sex, who won't throw a pie in your face—or get, you know, all cray-cray dramatic—when you tell them who you are and what you want. You said at the beginning that the common denominator here must be you, as it always is, and perhaps the problem is that you don't know what you want with nearly the same certainty you have about knowing what is impossible between men and women.

 

And if there is overlap between those two things? Well, that's a recipe for becoming another statistic.

 

Awesome post man.

 

Healthy is healthy. You are 100% correct. Maybe I'm just scared that my "healthy" isn't going to be too healthy in 20 years. If I were a highlander that didn't age, I wouldn't even be having this conversation. I would just continue to smash chicks and do whatever it is that I want to do. I rather like my life right now. I'm self employed, so I decide when and if I want t work. My finances aren't perfect, but if I want to have steak for dinner, I do. If I want to go out for drinks with a buddy, I do. If I want to go fishing with my nephew, I simply put it down on my schedule, and it happens. I would like to have the finances to travel more, but my life really is better than the "majority" of my friend's lives. I guess I'm just worried that this life I'm living is very finite. Then again, any life I could be living would be finite when you really think about it.

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"If I were a highlander that didn't age, I wouldn't even be having this conversation. "

 

Yeh. And doesn't he look good in that kilt. lol.

 

You got it M79. With what you describe your life is better than probably 97% of people. Truly.

 

Thinking of the finite sure puts things into perspective!

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You seem endlessly negative and tremendously insecure ( I don't mean this in a rude way). People are just people at the end of the day. We all play different roles, some play multiple roles. Others prefer minimal roles and are living and thriving in their own method of being.

 

You did mention your influences(friends etc) around you being negative. Are you absorbing that energy? I'd be careful of the company you keep if you feel that it's draining you or starting to affect your outlook on life and people and your own future. You are not superhuman. None of us are. Acknowledge your limitations and start being a bit more smart with the way you use your resources and how you manage your company.

 

I also feel like something in you is lacking and there's a very lonely void. You're trying to bridge that and you're struggling to find company even though you've given up on it. To be very frank with you I think your filters are broken. If you don't know how to filter bad influences or negative influences or individuals and situations that don't benefit you, you will never really be happy. It comes from first acknowledging your limitations and what you can and cannot stand for. Learn to filter a bit better.

 

I guess you could say that I'm negative (on this subject), but I'm definitely not insecure. I have nothing to be insecure about. I'm just questioning if my choices and lifestyle are going to come back and bite me eventually. That and why does my heart not flutter around women anymore. Why do I not crush on them?

 

As far as my filter goes, my negative view of long term relationships goes far beyond the company I keep. It's everywhere I look. I find myself in a constant state of "man, that would suck to be him or her." i'm constantly interacting with the general public through my business, and I meet couple after couple where you can just feel the tension between them. I'll think to myself "if they're like this in public, how bad is this relationship behind closed doors?" Just look at the numbers. Studies show that less than 1 in 3 couples contain two people that are happy with the relationship.

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Awesome post man.

 

Healthy is healthy. You are 100% correct. Maybe I'm just scared that my "healthy" isn't going to be too healthy in 20 years. If I were a highlander that didn't age, I wouldn't even be having this conversation. I would just continue to smash chicks and do whatever it is that I want to do. I rather like my life right now. I'm self employed, so I decide when and if I want t work. My finances aren't perfect, but if I want to have steak for dinner, I do. If I want to go out for drinks with a buddy, I do. If I want to go fishing with my nephew, I simply put it down on my schedule, and it happens. I would like to have the finances to travel more, but my life really is better than the "majority" of my friend's lives. I guess I'm just worried that this life I'm living is very finite. Then again, any life I could be living would be finite when you really think about it.

 

Awesome post back, as a cool thing just happened: a fuller glimpse of your vulnerable heart, the thing you share with 7.7 billion people, just got a little more exposed.

 

You know what everything will look like in 20 years? It will look how it looks in 20 years. You can't do a thing to answer that question right now—and that's scary. And, yeah, it takes on a different color at this juncture in life—the halfway point, or roughly, statistically speaking. If I had my way I'd live forever, truly, and yet I spend a lot of this life doing things I know statistically decrease my chances at longevity, as that helmet at left only offers so much protection. So be it.

 

Thing is, I'm not quite sure if I gave you a sip of my highlander immortality potion that you'd prance off into the fields of cursory conquests. I think you are thirsty for something else. Healthy, aside from being healthy, is something else: it is radical, no different than optimism is a far more radical philosophy than pessimism.

 

What I think is a bit disorienting about this time in life—pleasantly, as I wrote a little Off Topic riff on this site about turning 40—is that we were 25 five minutes ago, and yet according to the wristwatch we're now five minutes from 60. Whoa! It spins the head and heart, all that.

 

But let's ignore the past for a bit, since that's dead matter. And let's try to not focus on 20 or 40 years from now, since we know where that leads: to you and me becoming dead matter. But the present: what do you want now? Challenge yourself to get a clear answer to that, and take some steps to realizing it, and you kind of stop fretting about where it's all going to go.

 

I'm cresting into a year of a relationship. I'd like it to be the last of my life—a sentence I could not have imagined writing until this point in my life. Would have sounded like a cell door closing, regardless of the quality of the cellmate, while today it sounds like a new universe to be inhabited and explored in tandem. Does that mean I'll be colonizing that universe two decades from now? I've got no idea! Hope so! But can't quite fret since the present feels pretty lined up—and that's not me speaking after a big toke on the love/lust pipe. I've hit that pipe a lot while remaining pretty sober, often frustratingly sober. It's just where I am at 40, after shedding some husks and meeting a human being who I think is wonderful.

 

So, real question: What husks do you want to shed? What habits, what friends? Steaks are great, as are nephews, but they're best enjoyed without the weight of those antiquated husks. Also, the heart breathes better without the weight.

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Awesome post back, as a cool thing just happened: a fuller glimpse of your vulnerable heart, the thing you share with 7.7 billion people, just got a little more exposed.

 

You know what everything will look like in 20 years? It will look how it looks in 20 years. You can't do a thing to answer that question right now—and that's scary. And, yeah, it takes on a different color at this juncture in life—the halfway point, or roughly, statistically speaking. If I had my way I'd live forever, truly, and yet I spend a lot of this life doing things I know statistically decrease my chances at longevity, as that helmet at left only offers so much protection. So be it.

 

Thing is, I'm not quite sure if I gave you a sip of my highlander immortality potion that you'd prance off into the fields of cursory conquests. I think you are thirsty for something else. Healthy, aside from being healthy, is something else: it is radical, no different than optimism is a far more radical philosophy than pessimism.

 

What I think is a bit disorienting about this time in life—pleasantly, as I wrote a little Off Topic riff on this site about turning 40—is that we were 25 five minutes ago, and yet according to the wristwatch we're now five minutes from 60. Whoa! It spins the head and heart, all that.

 

But let's ignore the past for a bit, since that's dead matter. And let's try to not focus on 20 or 40 years from now, since we know where that leads: to you and me becoming dead matter. But the present: what do you want now? Challenge yourself to get a clear answer to that, and take some steps to realizing it, and you kind of stop fretting about where it's all going to go.

 

I'm cresting into a year of a relationship. I'd like it to be the last of my life—a sentence I could not have imagined writing until this point in my life. Would have sounded like a cell door closing, regardless of the quality of the cellmate, while today it sounds like a new universe to be inhabited and explored in tandem. Does that mean I'll be colonizing that universe two decades from now? I've got no idea! Hope so! But can't quite fret since the present feels pretty lined up—and that's not me speaking after a big toke on the love/lust pipe. I've hit that pipe a lot while remaining pretty sober, often frustratingly sober. It's just where I am at 40, after shedding some husks and meeting a human being who I think is wonderful.

 

So, real question: What husks do you want to shed? What habits, what friends? Steaks are great, as are nephews, but they're best enjoyed without the weight of those antiquated husks. Also, the heart breathes better without the weight.

 

Thanks man

 

I've really enjoyed this conversation. I hope everything works out with you and your cellmate. You seem like a decent fellow.

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I've really enjoyed this conversation. I hope everything works out with you and your cellmate. You seem like a decent fellow.

 

You sound decent too. Not sure about you, but it took me a long time to identify as that myself. One of those husks that needed to be let go of.

 

Thought experiment: What if I am actually a woman? This being the internet, it's possible. Now imagine I'm a woman you find attractive, and this little back and forth played out over a hanger steak. How's that sound for a night? How's that sound for more days and nights than you can count?

 

Something to consider as you consider whatever you need to consider.

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I think you're fine, OP. Just take it easy and enjoy the ride. I came to a crossroads eventually also before meeting my husband. Fed up or resigned or unimpressed - you can call it what you want, I went through something similar to what you're describing. Take care of yourself and things will fall into place. Enjoy your hobbies, friends, family, enrich your life continuously and find purpose in your life. Whether you meet anyone or not is a bit of luck but I think living well is paramount.

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I think you're fine, OP. Just take it easy and enjoy the ride. I came to a crossroads eventually also before meeting my husband. Fed up or resigned or unimpressed - you can call it what you want, I went through something similar to what you're describing. Take care of yourself and things will fall into place. Enjoy your hobbies, friends, family, enrich your life continuously and find purpose in your life. Whether you meet anyone or not is a bit of luck but I think living well is paramount.

 

Thanks for the positive vibes!

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Awesome post man.

 

Healthy is healthy. You are 100% correct. Maybe I'm just scared that my "healthy" isn't going to be too healthy in 20 years. If I were a highlander that didn't age, I wouldn't even be having this conversation. I would just continue to smash chicks and do whatever it is that I want to do. I rather like my life right now. I'm self employed, so I decide when and if I want t work. My finances aren't perfect, but if I want to have steak for dinner, I do. If I want to go out for drinks with a buddy, I do. If I want to go fishing with my nephew, I simply put it down on my schedule, and it happens. I would like to have the finances to travel more, but my life really is better than the "majority" of my friend's lives. I guess I'm just worried that this life I'm living is very finite. Then again, any life I could be living would be finite when you really think about it.

 

100%.

 

What Rose said resonated with me as I went through this as well... when I was single I was looking around at available (and unavailable!) men and thinking "Is this what I have to look forward to?!" It made me want to bang my head on the table in frustration.

 

Something about being in one's 40's I think makes one a lot less willing to put up with the bull$hit that surrounds dating... and to focus more on doing things we enjoy because life is too short not to.

 

My golden rule of life... is that if a goal I am working towards (like a relationship) is feeling super frustrating or challenging, it could be that path is not my intended purpose in the here and now, that I am supposed to be doing something else. I know I am on the right path for me when things flow... doors open... opportunities happen that lead me in that direction.

 

You seem to be living a good life. I think life is too short to put ourselves in a position where we are constantly feeling frustrated. If you want a relationship, decide what that is gonna look like for you and then let it go... and keep living your best life. If you are meant to have it, that person will show up when you least expect it.

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It's called getting old... There's a southpark episode that explains this phenomenon. Yes I am a millennial.

 

I also echo Rose Mosse. I hit that crossroads when I turned 30. I was very much resigned from it all. I stopped comparing myself to my peers and my friends. Stopped caring what the opposite sex think or thought. Stopped dating and went to weddings and danced alone like no tomorrow - there's videos of this! Didn't feel any spark or attraction with any one for a good 2 years until I met my now husband. Things really do fall in to place (and things start making sense) when you take care of yourself AND you stop internalizing other people's negative energies.

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It's called getting old... There's a southpark episode that explains this phenomenon. Yes I am a millennial.

 

I also echo Rose Mosse. I hit that crossroads when I turned 30. I was very much resigned from it all. I stopped comparing myself to my peers and my friends. Stopped caring what the opposite sex think or thought. Stopped dating and went to weddings and danced alone like no tomorrow - there's videos of this! Didn't feel any spark or attraction with any one for a good 2 years until I met my now husband. Things really do fall in to place (and things start making sense) when you take care of yourself AND you stop internalizing other people's negative energies.

 

 

BIG difference between 30 and 40 IMO. Dating is still very easy at 30. The market is still pretty open, especially if you're looking for the educated career type. Dating at 40 for a guy is much easier than dating at 40 for a woman, but it's still a lot harder than 30. As a guy, at 30 years old you still have the option of dating women your own age as well as going much younger. At 40, a lot of men just aren't physically attracted to women their own age anymore, so the dating pool shrinks for them, and it becomes an absolute dog fight for those remaining attractive age appropriate women that often come with a price tag if we're being honest.

 

People will get really angry about this you're blunt about it like I just was, but it's pretty accurate for most men. For whatever reason, there just seems to be a lot more guys that keep their looks and shape into their 40's than there are women that do so, which makes dating a lot harder for both sexes, due to a lot of the men only being interested in younger women or the most attractive women their age. It's a bit unfair, but dating is also heavily slanted in women's favor when you're in your 20's, so it's almost sort of justice. This was an ongoing joke at my 20 year HS reunion because most of the best looking guys that we went to school with were still good looking guys, but it was jaw dropping in regards to how bad a lot of the best looking girls I grew up with looked like at just 38 years old.

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For whatever reason, there just seems to be a lot more guys that keep their looks and shape into their 40's than there are women that do so, which makes dating a lot harder for both sexes, due to a lot of the men only being interested in younger women or the most attractive women their age. It's a bit unfair, but dating is also heavily slanted in women's favor when you're in your 20's, so it's almost sort of justice. This was an ongoing joke at my 20 year HS reunion.

 

Interesting.

 

Were I to go against my natural instincts and make sweeping generalizations, I'd say that what I've seen is that dudes start letting themselves go pretty quickly while women stay on point—much, much longer. I recall the complaints from women that started coming right around 30: they were in yoga, in Pilates, stomachs as taut as they were at 22, while the guys were taking on pear and bowling pin shapes and sipping just enough IPA to still see a high school football player when they looked in the mirror.

 

Of course, sticking with the generalizations, there does seem to be a thing where women aren't quite as magnetized to the same kind of surface-level aesthetics as men, strip clubs being an easy paradigm in which to make that point, as a very wide cross section of men will find a proto-stripper "hot" while a more narrow cross section of women will find the Chippendale Dude drool-worthy. They might be more drawn to the "silver fox," which, diluted a bit from the cliche, is to say they might be more drawn to a man who appears experienced and sophisticated, regardless of the precise shape of his triceps.

 

Staying on the generalization throttle: I'd say that men are genetically able to delay maturity. We don't have the same "clock," which changes things. We will do all that "later," when we are "ready," and we say that at 18, at 28, at 38. Then—ooof—a funny thing has happened: the bell of 40 rings, later is today, and you are still "that guy."

 

Bringing this back to you, I think you are describing something of a growth spurt—and, with it, some growing pains. I mean, if you want to date a 22 year old it's still pretty easy at 40—easier, best I can tell, than it was at 22 or 30. Problem is that you just might not like it, since you don't like what that reflects back in the mirror, to say nothing of having to communicate through the sub-language of Instagram story views and emoji stickers. All that induces enough loneliness to cancel out surface-level sauce that boiled the blood just yesterday—or was it 20 years ago?

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Physical, physical, physical.

 

Your posts just drip with a focus on physical intimacy, when the hole you are feeling and missing is that emotional intimacy. You compare dating at 30 and 40... I think if you are focused on physical attributes there is a difference, but if you are talking about emotional maturity 30 and 40 are a lot closer than 20 and 30. I think it just took you a little while to hit the same wall that LootieTootie was talking about hitting at 30. You describe what most single people - at any age - will complain about on here. Where are all the hot people who I also connect with emotionally? The hotness is going to go from easy to find to harder to find. But finding the emotional connection that is sustaining is hard at any age. It takes work from yourself to figure out how to fit with another person, and the right other person who will mold themselves to you. The right combination of similar qualities, and different qualities that are intriguing rather than off-putting.

 

Your criteria for what you might look for in a relationship is changing, but it's changing before your conscious mind can unpack what the criteria might actually be. Give yourself some time to adjust to these internal changes. Don't try and force a relationship when it's not going to work out. So don't crush on women! It's not necessary as you go through this transition. Enjoy yourself and the new life that you are growing into, and who knows what the future may bring. You may meet someone, you may not. There's no rule that meeting someone is the best way to find happiness. You're right that a lot of people are in bad relationships and not very happy in them. You don't have to write the whole idea off entirely, but no need to chase that statistic.

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Interesting.

 

Were I to go against my natural instincts and make sweeping generalizations, I'd say that what I've seen is that dudes start letting themselves go pretty quickly while women stay on point—much, much longer. I recall the complaints from women that started coming right around 30: they were in yoga, in Pilates, stomachs as taut as they were at 22, while the guys were taking on pear and bowling pin shapes and sipping just enough IPA to still see a high school football player when they looked in the mirror.

 

Of course, sticking with the generalizations, there does seem to be a thing where women aren't quite as magnetized to the same kind of surface-level aesthetics as men, strip clubs being an easy paradigm in which to make that point, as a very wide cross section of men will find a proto-stripper "hot" while a more narrow cross section of women will find the Chippendale Dude drool-worthy. They might be more drawn to the "silver fox," which, diluted a bit from the cliche, is to say they might be more drawn to a man who appears experienced and sophisticated, regardless of the precise shape of his triceps.

 

Staying on the generalization throttle: I'd say that men are genetically able to delay maturity. We don't have the same "clock," which changes things. We will do all that "later," when we are "ready," and we say that at 18, at 28, at 38. Then—ooof—a funny thing has happened: the bell of 40 rings, later is today, and you are still "that guy."

 

Bringing this back to you, I think you are describing something of a growth spurt—and, with it, some growing pains. I mean, if you want to date a 22 year old it's still pretty easy at 40—easier, best I can tell, than it was at 22 or 30. Problem is that you just might not like it, since you don't like what that reflects back in the mirror, to say nothing of having to communicate through the sub-language of Instagram story views and emoji stickers. All that induces enough loneliness to cancel out surface-level sauce that boiled the blood just yesterday—or was it 20 years ago?

LOL.....NO

 

That's not an opinion either. There are WAY more men in crazy good shape after 40 than women for hormonal reasons. That's why you will see lots of men over the age of 40 with visible abs and muscular builds, while a 40+ woman with a rocking body is like a unicorn. If you go by BMI, it will show that there are more overweight men, but BMI doesn't account for body fat. The majority of professional football players would be considered overweight based on BMI. Women age faster than men when in equal environments (not working manual labor in the sun all day). They lose their shape at an earlier age, and their skin deteriorates faster. That's not my opinion, that's science.

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Physical, physical, physical.

 

Your posts just drip with a focus on physical intimacy, when the hole you are feeling and missing is that emotional intimacy. You compare dating at 30 and 40... I think if you are focused on physical attributes there is a difference, but if you are talking about emotional maturity 30 and 40 are a lot closer than 20 and 30. I think it just took you a little while to hit the same wall that LootieTootie was talking about hitting at 30. You describe what most single people - at any age - will complain about on here. Where are all the hot people who I also connect with emotionally? The hotness is going to go from easy to find to harder to find. But finding the emotional connection that is sustaining is hard at any age. It takes work from yourself to figure out how to fit with another person, and the right other person who will mold themselves to you. The right combination of similar qualities, and different qualities that are intriguing rather than off-putting.

 

Your criteria for what you might look for in a relationship is changing, but it's changing before your conscious mind can unpack what the criteria might actually be. Give yourself some time to adjust to these internal changes. Don't try and force a relationship when it's not going to work out. So don't crush on women! It's not necessary as you go through this transition. Enjoy yourself and the new life that you are growing into, and who knows what the future may bring. You may meet someone, you may not. There's no rule that meeting someone is the best way to find happiness. You're right that a lot of people are in bad relationships and not very happy in them. You don't have to write the whole idea off entirely, but no need to chase that statistic.

 

Being physically attracted to someone is the first step in attraction, and without it, there is nothing to build on. To say otherwise is to deny reality and human nature. Dating becomes harder as you age for a lot of reasons, but a decreasing amount of physically attractive people is a big one for a guys like myself that work out constantly and tend to be built like action figures as a result. There's just not a lot of women my age that I find attractive unfortunately. This is a pretty common thing.

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Could it be that you're in the wrong crowd though? We're all different shapes and sizes but I'd say most of the time most individuals tend to do more things with people who have more interests in common with them. Why not join a hiking club or take up additional interests aside from just working out? You may feel more in tune or among more of your own kind so to speak. It's then not just a physical but also a mental connection with others who like to do the same things as you, live a similar lifestyle etc. If that isn't attractive, I don't know what is.

 

I think you should try to meet others more like you. Part of feeling isolated and down about dating and having no one to really connect with is based on not having a lot of interests or similarities with others. You can change that by upping the odds and paying more attention to how you spend your time or where.

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Yes but my point is (disregard the age difference) that you are at a crossroad.

 

Your midlife crisis or whatever you want to call it, is just another thing where you need to decide if you want to stay jaded and wonder what the heck is going on and finding numerous stats and subjective experiences to temporarily calm the noises inside your head....

 

OR just accept that in this stage in your life, you are OK with being not sexually attracted to the opposite sex. And I mean really accept it without questioning it. I think when you accept this, you will enjoy your life more fully.

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For whatever reason, there just seems to be a lot more guys that keep their looks and shape into their 40's than there are women that do so, which makes dating a lot harder for both sexes, due to a lot of the men only being interested in younger women or the most attractive women their age.

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That's why you will see lots of men over the age of 40 with visible abs and muscular builds, while a 40+ woman with a rocking body is like a unicorn. If you go by BMI, it will show that there are more overweight men, but BMI doesn't account for body fat. The majority of professional football players would be considered overweight based on BMI. Women age faster than men when in equal environments (not working manual labor in the sun all day). They lose their shape at an earlier age, and their skin deteriorates faster.

 

Truly, it sounds like you prefer men to women. There are many, many options for you; don't fret over this small issue of crush-diminishment.

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Truly, it sounds like you prefer men to women. There are many, many options for you; don't fret over this small issue of crush-diminishment.

 

Obviously, I prefer younger women to older women. That's shot at older women, that's just what I'm attracted to. I don't mind women over 40, I just meet very few that I'm sexually attracted to, and the ones that exist are typically not single for a reason.

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Obviously, I prefer younger women to older women. That's shot at older women, that's just what I'm attracted to. I don't mind women over 40, I just meet very few that I'm sexually attracted to, and the ones that exist are typically not single for a reason.

 

That's not what you said before:

 

It's not just women my age that I'm not really physically attracted to either. I'm not into the younger ones as well.
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OR just accept that in this stage in your life, you are OK with being not sexually attracted to the opposite sex. And I mean really accept it without questioning it. I think when you accept this, you will enjoy your life more fully.

 

If I wasn't sexually attracted to women, I wouldn't be having sex with them all the time. My sex life is actually better now than it was in my early 20's. It's almost like shooting fish in a barrel. However, I'm not feeling anything outside of having sex with any of these women or any of the women I meet that I'm not sleeping with. That was the point of this entire thread. If I wasn't sexually attracted to women, I would just be gay or celibate. My life would probably be much easier.

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It's a tough bind to need something from people you hate. Being a heterosexual misogynist is going to be a pain for you all the way down the line. Have you considered escorts, no mess no fuss?

If I wasn't sexually attracted to women, I wouldn't be having sex with them all the time. My sex life is actually better now than it was in my early 20's.
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That's not what you said before:

 

You misinterpreted that.

I was saying that it's not just women my own age that I'm not physically attracted to that I'm not connecting with. I'm also not connecting with younger women as well.

I could see how it could be interpreted the way you understood it by the way it reads though.

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It's a tough bind to need something from people you hate. Being a heterosexual misogynist is going to be a pain for you all the way down the line. Have you considered escorts, no mess no fuss?

 

You pay for it one way or another, and there are plenty of women that are down to just have sex and nothing more. The two women I'm sleeping with at the moment have no interest in a relationship. One is in an open relationship and the other is a full time grad student that will be leaving in in the spring. The one that's in the open relationship I've known for years. I would consider her a friend, but even if I was in the right mind to be falling for girls, she's not my type at all. She's a huge stoner and a vegan. The grad student is not as regular, and I honestly can't stand being around her other than for a hook up. Despite being a 31 year old grad student, she's as dumb as a box of rocks outside of academics. I wouldn't say that she's not intelligent, but she has no common sense.

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