Wiseman2 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Use Aikido on them.👘 Let them think they are perfect and fall on their own weight.Anytime I bring anything up it gets denied, and they get defensive and try to make me feel guilty for daring to say anything about their perceived perfect family! Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 Use Aikido on them.👘 Let them think they are perfect and fall on their own weight. LMAO!!! So true! Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Anytime I bring anything up it gets denied, and they get defensive and try to make me feel guilty for daring to say anything about their perceived perfect family! I've been through this so many times I've lost count. You need to play smart, Camber 2019. Don't broach topics which will cause their ire. Learn to bite your tongue and look the other way as hard as this is to do. There are times when it's best to simply keep your mouth shut otherwise WW3 will ensue and was it worth it? Is it ever worth the fight and war with words? I doubt it. Naturally, people become defensive and the most wicked tactic of all is their gaslighting you until you feel defeated which is exactly their intent! There is no such thing as the perfect family and if there is one, then there are problems with relatives, extended relatives and in-laws. You have to pick your battles. I've learned that it's better to be non-confrontational. Once you know a person's personality and character, you have to navigate yourself very shrewdly and prudently otherwise you'll infuriate them. In other words, I'm sorry to say, you have to walk on eggshells with a lot of people in order to keep the peace. What helps me is to shut it off. I became very unemotional and have since learned to feel disconnected with certain members of my family tree. I feel numb. Should our paths cross, I limit contact while remaining civil yet frostily distant. You need to back off a lot. You do whatever it takes to maintain peace. You don't need to prove your point because should you attempt to constantly bring anything up, you'll only get pummeled. If you want to feel like a winner, your mind needs to be more aloof and arrogant. It's a way to protect yourself. You can't control others, however, you can control yourself. Be cool, don't engage and go your own way in life. Change the way you think. You can have the upper hand if you play your cards right. This is what I do. Take the passive-aggressive route. I agree with Aikido. Another tactic is Judo which is the passive-aggressive route. Never deplete your own energy. Use your opponent's struggle and weight in order for them to eventually flip, fall hard on their backs and land with a hard thud while you never break a sweat. I do this all the time and it works wonders. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 It's best to stay away with people who will never give you respect. Stop reaching out, trying to prove your point because you will only fall on deaf ears. Give up on people easily. They're not worth your time, energy and resources. Just keep the peace and transfer focus away from them onto yourself and what makes you happy. Change the way you think and your philosophy regarding your life and what will give you the most peace of mind. Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 Author Share Posted September 23, 2019 It's best to stay away with people who will never give you respect. Stop reaching out, trying to prove your point because you will only fall on deaf ears. Give up on people easily. They're not worth your time, energy and resources. Just keep the peace and transfer focus away from them onto yourself and what makes you happy. Change the way you think and your philosophy regarding your life and what will give you the most peace of mind. Thanks Cherylyn! This is so true. We all need to think of ourselves, because if we are unwell, those that matter to us the most will suffer. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted September 23, 2019 Share Posted September 23, 2019 Thanks Cherylyn! This is so true. We all need to think of ourselves, because if we are unwell, those that matter to us the most will suffer. That's right. When I was younger, I always wanted to be a "do gooder" and I've since changed. Nowadays, I do what I want when I want on my own terms. I maintain peace with everyone all the while. I've found inner peace this way and my pace is no longer frenetic. Regarding disrespectful people, all you can do is choose NOT to engage. Learn to walk away or avoid them. I've tried everything and nothing else works. Go your own way in this life and create healthy boundaries for yourself forever. Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 So... my sister who has turned my family against EVERY woman I have ever been with sent me a Christmas card and my Son a Christmas card. My card did not have my wife's name on it (OK, we aren't married, but have been living together happily and in love for 11 years). My wife's response upon handing me the mail... "Your sister is such a (insert "c" word here)". LMAO. The funny thing is my wife won't even bat an eyelash at this! Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 So... my sister who has turned my family against EVERY woman I have ever been with sent me a Christmas card and my Son a Christmas card. My card did not have my wife's name on it (OK, we aren't married, but have been living together happily and in love for 11 years). My wife's response upon handing me the mail... "Your sister is such a (insert "c" word here)". LMAO. The funny thing is my wife won't even bat an eyelash at this! She sounds mean. Is there a reason though why you both won't tie the knot? Is it political? Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 She sounds mean. Is there a reason though why you both won't tie the knot? Is it political? Both been married twice before, we're happy, so we figured.. why change things! She's my beneficiary in my will... Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Both been married twice before, we're happy, so we figured.. why change things! She's my beneficiary in my will... I totally get that. My husband's best friend has been with his partner for 23 years and never a need or any talk of marriage. They're one of my favourite couples to hang out with. Super relaxed, easy going and fun. Good people. That's great that you're both not letting the cards get to you. The holidays somehow always bring out the best and worst in people. Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 Author Share Posted December 31, 2019 Well, I didn't call or text anyone on Christmas. In 40 years of living away from my family I can honestly say I have only receive ONE call from my Mother on Christmas. Every other year I am expected to call first. I did receive a voice message on the home phone while we were out with the dogs, and it was from my Mother and she said "Hi calling to wish you a merry Christmas. Not my wife, not my Son, just me. I texted back later saying I received the message and Merry Christmas to Mom and Dad and love from us ALL. Never heard anything back. But, 3 days later my sister texted me to ask if I had a nice Christmas -3 days later???. No doubt Mom directing her to check up on me. I didn't respond. Haven't heard anything since. I wish they would just stop contacting me. Why on earth do they insist on (trying to) torment me? Link to comment
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