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Am I being unreasonable with my “girlfriend”?


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Lately things haven’t been the best with my girlfriend, we have been arguing and thinking about breaking up. This was majority of the last two weeks. It all started with me having to work a job with my ex, she didn’t like it but it was work, what was I suppose to do. I kept my distance and rarely spent more than 5 mins around her.


Anyway we have been arguing, it’s like little things start her up and the way I handle them. Anyway she decided she wanted a break, I said ok. I gave it to her. She came back into my life within 20 mins wanting to talk. Then the next day she came over. A few days later it was another issue. Things were great on my end but she said she just can’t ignore the issues. Which just to inform you changes whenever we talk. One time it was age, next it was space, next busyness, next me not remembering how she knew her friend and extra.


But whatever. Then she said she wanted a break, she was worried about school and her other obligations. I told her not to worry, I’ve had similar task to do in my past with you in it, it can be done, no biggie. She still wanted a break to think she said. The break lasted less than a couple days. Not to mention, she still called me all the time. So she decided for us to work, let’s just relax about things and take things as they go. She still calls me her person and significant other and even boyfriend sometimes but things have changed. Are we together, I believe so, we have have talked about it and we both agree, we don’t know who what we are right now. But we aren’t talking to other people and we only want to be with each other, is that enough??


But things have been stressing me also, for example, a friend of hers is a math genius but he likes her. I mention this because she’s in math. She has been avoiding him every since she’s found out. But now she tells me he’s going to tutor her. I don’t like this at all. She tells me he knows about me and she knows how to handle the situation. I trust her, it just annoys me. I rarely get to see her anymore. Use to be all the time 4-6 times a week. Now it’s like 1-3 times, and it’s not like we hang out and chill. We have fun for a little then she pretty much says, I have homework. I understand being busy but I’m like, you can’t spare anytime to see each other. I’m not trying to bring this up and create a problem, I was hoping it would fix it self. It hasn’t yet, But now she has all these other friends, male and female and yes, I feel a certain way about it. Mostly the males. Anyway, am I being unreasonable by wanting to bring these concerns of mine up?

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like both of you dismissing each other's concerns and instead launching to rounds of games and who can make who jealous, who can storm off needing a break, who can act more indifferent, etc. Exhausting, no?


It sounds like the sex is good but the relationships sucks and has quite immature dynamics. Scale back from all this. Who cares who you work with or who her tutors are? It's all smoke and mirrors anyway. Just chill and start treating each other with dignity and respect.

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I tend to go in the other direction and I think it's impossible to ignore your concerns so face them head on. If the tutoring is an issue, she can frankly find another tutor that's more appropriate either through the school or she can stay back and spend more time going through problems with the teacher in class. She doesn't have to have another male friend tutor her. It's inappropriate and I wouldn't be comfortable with it either mostly because there are other more appropriate options. If you also don't trust her you might want to look at that as an issue in itself also as it will affect your level of trust regarding her with others and her ability to make decisions. I don't feel she's very mature to begin with so expecting you to toughen up is not being very fair in the grand scheme.


You'll have to work out a good time between the both of you where you can spend time together and treat each other the way you wish to be treated in a relationship. I agree that it's not healthy to dismiss each other. It's also not healthy to dismiss yourself and your own concerns. Be respectful of your concerns and be respectful of each others' concerns. There's a whole lot of not enough all the way around. If you don't feel this person has the energy, forethought, maturity or ability to do these things, this person may not be a good choice for you.

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First, space is fine, but do not let someone "take a break" from you. Either break up or do not. In this case, perhaps she's confused or is suffocated by you. Four to six times a week is too frequent for someone I assume is in high school or college? The only part I question you on is that -- with that much time together, it is no wonder that she might be vying for freedom. One to three times a week of quality time seems like an understandable want/need, though. Second, significant others can spend time with members of the opposite sex without concern, however, if it seems like Mr. Tutor is being used as an escape from you, or as retribution to you working with an ex (though it's obviously completely acceptable for you to continue your job imo), then I can understand your unease.


Perhaps communicating will work, but you deserve better than having to walk on eggshells. You don't deserve to be broken up with over something small all the time. Maybe it's time for her to decide if she wants to be with you, or respect you enough to walk away without stringing you along.

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