The guy I’m seeing is still friends with a girl he used to sleep with

[abitbroken]

Yeah, i wouldn't be with someone who is friends with someone who tries to get them to sleep with them....still. It shows a clear lack of boundaries on his part...or he likes it! Maybe since i am a little older, I would say "not for me" and find someone else. Let him be him, and walk away with your dignity in tact. I get that you are only dating 8 weeks, if you were not exclusive but not sleeping together, its fair to go on coffee dates with others and then pair off with you or one of them but the whole "hey, i slept with her and not only that, she tries to invite herself over to try to sleep with me" no bueno. The first few weeks of dating are about deciding if the person passes the muster to continue with you, and that would not pass the muster with me. I just don't have time for that nonsense. Sure, you "can't tell him who to talk to" but you also don't have to put up with a relationship like that, if you catch my drift.

[Sixersfan234]

you aren't in a relationship, so until then it shouldn't matter what he does.

[reinventmyself]

All of the above, with an emphasis on:

(because it wasn't said enough)

-> this guy's bed buddy was cheating on her boyfriend, with him.

 

Why he chose to share this with you?! I dunno.

Not very smart.

[katrina1980]

All of the above, with an emphasis on:

(because it wasn't said enough)

-> this guy's bed buddy was cheating on her boyfriend, with him.

 

Why he chose to share this with you?! I dunno.

Not very smart.

 

Yeah, this is the issue for me too.

 

Sure, he's "allowed" to do what he wants since you're not exclusive but for the love ***, exercise some class and discretion and keep it to yourself!

 

Don't mistake this for "honesty," there was absolutely no need to share all that with you other than to elicit a jealous reaction, rile you up; it was a bog standard shyt test, plain and simple.

 

And guys who play that game? Stay away from them! Nothing good or positive will ever come from it.

 

And I give the same advice to men when women pull that same bs too.

[Jibralta]

I started seeing this guy about 2 months ago, we aren’t in a committed relationship yet but it’s very possible that it turns into such a relationship because we get along so well.

But there’s something that’s been eating away at me. He is very honest with me and told me early on about this girl that he used to casually sleep with & that they are still friends. She has a boyfriend and would cheat on him occasionally. They aren’t best friends or anything but they still do talk. He will tell me that she’ll ask to come up and see him and he says no because he knows she will just try to sleep with him. I don’t get why he is still friends with her when he can’t even trust her. I wouldn’t want to continue being friends with a guy that I know will try to get me in bed. I think what bothers me most about it all is that he doesn’t seem uncomfortable by this, that he essentially can’t trust her.

He knows that this bothers me but I don’t think he will do anything about it. Part of me thinks he likes seeing me jealous. I don’t want to tell him he can’t talk to her anymore but I desperately wish she would just fall of the face of the earth and never speak to him again. I can’t shake the feeling.

What should I do?

 

If it's something you're not comfortable with, you have to be willing to draw the line and risk losing the relationship.

 

Here's what I would say*: "Hey guy, I have a lot of fun with you, and I can see this going somewhere. But I can't move forward with this friend of yours hanging around."

 

Then be willing to discuss the situation.

 

If he can't budge from his position, then you should give up on him and move on to greener pastures. He's not the guy for you. And you're not the girl for him. Your relationship needs are ultimately different.

 

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*Frankly, I'd probably move on without saying anything. I'd be turned off by the fact that he was participating in an affair with the fwb, and the fwb is still in his life while he's dating me.