Bf and I have different money footprint

[bluecastle]

What stands out to me, and has since the beginning of this thread, is that she connects money spent on her to being loved.

 

I haven’t seen that so much. I just kind of feel like she’s using a lot of words to avoid directly saying that her boyfriend is (in her eyes) annoyingly cheap and uptight when it comes to money. Personally, I don’t blame her. I have a low tolerance for that stuff. No judgement, just a kind of energy and approach or money that doesn’t work for me.

[itsallgrand]

She's directly said it made her feel like money is more important to him than she is.

She's said he's a generous partner overall.

So my impression was very different than this guy is a cheapo. And I didn't get the impression he's trying to dictate how she spends money, only that he doesn't want to buy from that particular ice cream stand and didn't want to rent a cooler. So that all seems reasonable to me, not the picture of someone who can't have fun because he doesn't want to spend a dime.

 

So yes, I do think the ' if you loved me, you'd buy what I want all the time's is a problematic attitude. Wanting to buy on your own? Your call. But making it about him caring about her or not, over ice cream, is silly.

[katrina1980]

 

She's said he's a generous partner overall.

 

 

I missed where she said this and read twice.

 

I read she is generous, he's a penny pincher and used the ice cream and cooler on vacation as examples.

 

No doubt, it's a pattern with him, he's frugal beyond the point of being reasonable (imo from what she described), and with her being the opposite, more carefree especially while on vacay, I don't see this working at all.

[katrina1980]

I haven’t seen that so much. I just kind of feel like she’s using a lot of words to avoid directly saying that her boyfriend is (in her eyes) annoyingly cheap and uptight when it comes to money. Personally, I don’t blame her. I have a low tolerance for that stuff. No judgement, just a kind of energy and approach or money that doesn’t work for me.

 

I'm with you blue, especially the "in her eyes" part. But all of it really.

 

It doesnt even matter what anyone else thinks, this is how she views him, which is all that matters.

 

I see nothing good or positive here, she is feeling unloved, resentful, time to say goodbye and call it a day.

 

How we each view money and the spending thereof is such a hot button between couples, this issue is unresolvable imo.

[katrina1980]

Thanks everyone for your advise and opinions. My bf and I had a very productive discussion. I think the best way to handle it is being aware of our differences and accepting him for who he is. I thought about it a lot and decided to love him and not expecting to change him and I will handle the situation better next time by being more understanding of his perspective. He said that he doesn't like the feeling of being scammed and taken advantaged of, not that he didn't love me and didn't want to spend extra money on me. In fact he always treats me well and fair by buying little gifts for me all the time and cooking for me. He also agrees that he's greedy sometimes on how much he can save so he will be less opinionated in the future. So hopefully this will help to handle the issue. I think we shouldn't change people but love them for who they are so it makes them feel valuable to you. Once you accepting them, your love will help to influence and change people on their own will.

 

Well, apologies I just read this^.

 

Lanna, this is a great attitude to have, good for you, I wish you both the best. :)

[katrina1980]

Lanna, it was too late to edit my last post but wanted to add that I hope he is able to be as accepting of you and your feelings and more carefree attitude as you are of him and his feelings and attitude

 

And learn to lighten up a bit, especially on vacation which is the time to relax and not worry about the cost of ice cream! Lol

 

Remember, acceptance goes both ways.

 

Anyway, wish you both the best, hope it works out. :)