I don’t know if I’m invited to my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding?

[Batya33]

I would not feel obligated -had I had a wedding reception - to invite everyone with a plus one and I would have probably invited only couples who were married, engaged or in LTRs - not judging, not arbitrary - just not able to budget for everyone to bring a guest. When I was dating my husband the first time around we'd been dating a year and my colleague invited me without him "because we're only inviting engaged or married couples" -so I took the long train ride out to her wedding and did my best to have a good time (was awkward because I sat with my coworkers who were all with spouses). I was fine with it and understood about expense.

[Starlight925]

I was in an extremely strong, 7-month relationship when my now-ex's nephew's wedding was being planned, and I was not going to be invited due to space. Mind you, the parents spent probably close to half a million dollars....no exaggeration, they flew in a band from NY......but the venue just didn't have enough space. I was cool with it, but my then-boyfriend fought and fought with the parents over including me. I kept saying to keep me out of the drama, lol, as one wedding just didn't make that much of a difference to me. In the end, they did include a plus one for him, but looking back, I see their point, as it was jam packed with people.

 

My point is, don't make a big deal out of this. Go with the flow, whatever happens, happens. You still have your relationship with your BF, and you have no idea what someone else's motivations are.

[katrina1980]

Snny I suggest you go back and read my post.

 

I never said a couple getting married should invite "half the couple". Yes that would be in poor taste.

 

Again, to repeat, if they know a couple to be in a significant relationship, they will invite both.

 

If not, if they know someone to be single and not in a significant relationship, they invite just that person.

 

It's not poor planning if funds are tight. Weddings are expensive!

 

Or perhaps you believe a better "plan" would be to simply elope? That would resolve the issue altogether, wouldn't it.

 

Lastly, not sure why you are arguing with my experience.

 

As I said, when single in no relationship, I've been invited to weddings with no plus one and had a absolute blast! With other singles invited. We all sat together at the same table, drank, ate, danced, partied.

 

The fact the marrying couple placed us all at the same table, I would say is excellent planning!

 

The couples who were married or in relationships sat at a different table.

 

No one considered it "poor planning" or took any issue with it whatsoever.

[katrina1980]

 

I would not feel obligated -had I had a wedding reception - to invite everyone with a plus one and I would have probably invited only couples who were married, engaged or in LTRs - not judging, not arbitrary - just not able to budget for everyone to bring a guest.

 

 

^Exactly my point. :)

[Batya33]

I was in an extremely strong, 7-month relationship when my now-ex's nephew's wedding was being planned, and I was not going to be invited due to space. Mind you, the parents spent probably close to half a million dollars....no exaggeration, they flew in a band from NY......but the venue just didn't have enough space. I was cool with it, but my then-boyfriend fought and fought with the parents over including me. I kept saying to keep me out of the drama, lol, as one wedding just didn't make that much of a difference to me. In the end, they did include a plus one for him, but looking back, I see their point, as it was jam packed with people.

 

My point is, don't make a big deal out of this. Go with the flow, whatever happens, happens. You still have your relationship with your BF, and you have no idea what someone else's motivations are.

 

Good for you -very classy reaction on your part and, sure, your ex felt that he needed to voice his frustration to his own family. Every family has their own individual quirks. In mine it was that my parents did not want to meet the parents of whoever I was dating/involved with unless we were engaged. They made an exception once because my boyfriend's parents invited them to a holiday dinner and it was lovely. What seems arbitrary or ungenerous to some may make sense to others and often it's full of sensitive minefields.

[purplepaisley]

Wow you really misunderstood and over analyzed my post. Please go back and re-read.

 

Also how would you address couples who were in a relationship for a very long time and decided not to marry? That’s another reason why they should not be considered a plus one.

 

 

 

Choosing to invite couples based on how long they have been together, or if they are even living together (some can’t for religious reasons), is very, very arbitrary. It’s none of your business to say whether their relationship is serious or not.

 

I had a friend who met his girlfriend off some online dating site and got married after TWO MONTHS of dating. Do they not get invited because they were not together for long (they came to my wedding when they have been together for 5 months).

 

I also allowed my sister to bring her boyfriend when they have been dating for a few weeks. And they are now happily married.

 

Case and point.

 

 

Then it is considered POOR PLANNING on the bride and groom. Still a poor excuse. You invite whole couples or you don’t invite them, period. It is incredibly rude to invite a half couple to any party.

 

 

Actions also have consequences. It’s always interesting how weddings can bring out the worst in people who were not taught proper etiquette. Doing things like this will break friendships. I’ve lost a friendship over how I was treated during a friend’s wedding and planning - and I was the bridesmaid.

 

You may wish to consult Ms. Manners or any wedding etiquette books or web sites regarding specific nuances regarding wedding planning and addressing invitations, planning the guest-list, etc. There are a lot of variables at play here and the level of formality of a wedding, head-count, etc., all play a role. Guest lists may be based solely on if couples are married or living together, but unmarried people in long-term relationships who are not living together, don't get a +1. The wedding could include families, kids, and +1's. I'm not an expert here, and your personal wedding planning suited your budget and your needs. We can't speak for the HC (happy couple) the OP is talking about.

 

I personally had a post-elopement/housewarming party in backyard BBQ fashion. Bring the kids, bring a date, bring the dog.

 

As I said in my original post, for a couple who are living together, the invitation could include both names, such as, "Mr. John Jones and Ms. Mary Smith," but if not living together, the invitation could be addressed to Mr. John Jones, and the return RSVP envelope would include Mr. John Jones and guest. This is the +1. Since the HC are well-aware of the boyfriend's long-term relationship, they would likely expect that the +1 would be the OP. The OP does not describe any type of relationship with the HC outside of visiting a few times and they "seem cool," so I would hardly expect her to get her own invitation, but you never know.

 

The HC have not chosen a venue and I don't know that a date has even been established. It could be that later on down the line, the groom or the bride will be in touch with the boyfriend or the boyfriend's parents to solidify the the guest list and names and addresses, including the OP's, and including other SO's names, spouse names, addresses, phone numbers, etc.

 

I have no idea what the plan is. I think the OP is worrying prematurely, or she suspects her relationship is on rocky ground, which is prompting her to get herself all twisted up over this. If the HC have to limit their guest list to married people only, it is what it is. Feelings will get hurt, and some people may opt out because of this.

 

The BF is busy being a guy and is hardly bothering himself over these issues and just expects to be invited at some point, and he'll just expect to be told where to go to be fitted for his groomsman tux (assuming he'll be in the wedding party). Maybe he'll be more involved later, but right now, no one even knows WHERE let alone WHEN. Meanwhile, mom and the OP are already planning and preparing, and with no feedback, the OP is getting itchy. I can understand her agitation, as I have been the GF and wife asking what is going on and getting "I don't know" as a response. With no date, and no venue, just wait it out. As I said in my previous post, the OP can certainly start saving some money for travel, dress, and wedding gift, and expect that when the invitations go out, she will be notified, and she can put in for time off from work at that time.

 

When mom starts talking about this great mother-of-the bride dress she found, the OP can ask for the web site to see it! It's gorgeous! And...Did Bob and Jane finally pick a place?! How exciting! There...the OP now knows there's some solid plans in place. I can't imagine that the HC will overlook the OP; she just may not get her own, individual invitation.