SarahLancaster Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I do understand the anger, but what I don't understand is that you say you still love him on some level, and you understand that his awful childhood contributed to what he was; also you claim that you will be devastated at his death, yet you have no desire to relieve his suffering at this point because of what he did to you. Wouldn't you feel better in the years to come to know that you took the high road and helped him in his last days instead of wallowing in the past? Can't you be the adult in the room now? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 I do understand the anger, but what I don't understand is that you say you still love him on some level, and you understand that his awful childhood contributed to what he was; also you claim that you will be devastated at his death, yet you have no desire to relieve his suffering at this point because of what he did to you. Wouldn't you feel better in the years to come to know that you took the high road and helped him in his last days instead of wallowing in the past? Can't you be the adult in the room now? I never said I wouldn’t help. I said I am outraged considering he has done zero for me and less for my brother etc. The evil he has perpetuated in life is horrific and his brother worse and the gaul of his sister is something else. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 You sound extremely conflicted and rightfully so. He abused you again and again and sounds like a terrible person but he also is deeply mentally ill. What do you need to do to feel the most comfortable with your actions? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 My actions call me to be the better person. My husband is angry though . We started going out when my parents were still together. He knows my dad and knows his crap. He has stolen from my husband before when my husband was just 21. He besmirched my husband’s name etc. My husband obviously knows all that happened to me and he is outraged as well. His own father is heading into severe dementia and it has taken us years into harassing his parents into getting care they can easily pay for. They are FINALLY getting an assessment. My aunt just died . The one who had the 15 year relationship with my dad. She was my mom’s brother’s wife. Just a whole lot of conflict and hassle right now. And we all know how I despise my in-laws. You sound extremely conflicted and rightfully so. He abused you again and again and sounds like a terrible person but he also is deeply mentally ill. What do you need to do to feel the most comfortable with your actions? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 If someone were in your shoes, same situation, would you judge them for walking away? I don't think stepping up and paying for them is necessarily you being a "better person". If you believe that, than that means that other people who chose to walk away from abuse are in the wrong. It's a valid option but doing so doesn't make you "right" because you have no moral obligation to someone who has abused you so repeatedly. Given the lack of obligation, putting that to bed, what would make you feel the best? Also, if he needs nursing care and needs a home but can't pay for one, doesn't the govt place him in one anyway? So why should you be burdened with any of that? Let the govt take him. Sorry I feel strongly about this. I found out a family member was abusive physically, emotionally, and sexually to a relative (long out of contact with abuser by choice) I've come to love so I cut that family member out of my life and he soon died. I refused to talk or see him after I found out the truth. He died begging for contact with that relative and never got it. I talk to this relative almost every day and the abuser's life is seen for the mockery that it was. I am proud of the road I've taken. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 What is lifeline, and how expensive is it? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 If someone were in your shoes, same situation, would you judge them for walking away? I don't think stepping up and paying for them is necessarily you being a "better person". If you believe that, than that means that other people who chose to walk away from abuse are in the wrong. It's a valid option but doing so doesn't make you "right" because you have no moral obligation to someone who has abused you so repeatedly. Given the lack of obligation, putting that to bed, what would make you feel the best? Also, if he needs nursing care and needs a home but can't pay for one, doesn't the govt place him in one anyway? So why should you be burdened with any of that? Let the govt take him. No, I wouldn’t judge anyone else. My mom said ,”it is a waste of my money. He won’t use it. He will lose it, break it whatever.... like he has always done with everything and you will end up paying for no reason. They will also ask you to start paying his other bills . He has been useless since day one, never made a plan never planned for the future. Ripped my dad off, me off and my brother off and now wants to rip you guys off . He has been a parasite his entire life. And tell just tell your aunt what he and his brother did to you and let that sink in for her as she doesn’t have her daddy to run to anymore to fluff it over for her . “ Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I agree that paying this one bill sets a bad precedent. Now it's the lifeline but soon other bills will follow. Your dad is poisonous barnacle but your aunt is a big girl and she can scrape him off if she so chooses. If she chooses to stay and be sucked dry, that's her choice. But it doesn't have to be yours or your responsibility. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 You know it’s like the thing they can have around their neck and push if they fall . My dad falls multiple times a week . The installation the hospital will pay for the monthly payment is $30 a month which he insists he can’t pay for and his sister insists he can’t pay for. I can pay for it that’s not the issue the issue is he most likely won’t wear it or lose it . What is lifeline, and how expensive is it? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 I agree that paying this one bill sets a bad precedent. Now it's the lifeline but soon other bills will follow. Your dad is poisonous barnacle but your aunt is a big girl and she can scrape him off if she so chooses. If she chooses to stay and be sucked dry, that's her choice. But it doesn't have to be yours or your responsibility. I agree it is a dangerous precedent . He once asked me for $700 to pay his phone bill that he blamed on my cousin but later found out it was sex phone lines so thank god I didn’t pay for it. He asked me and my brother for a kidney when he’s the one who is destroyed his whole body and why he ended up with diabetes and renal failure . When I told my aunt that we may end up looking out their own child our whole life she said oh well that’s your problem your father should come first . Which I replied to her no,my son will come before my father any day of the week . Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 She's off her rocker. When you're a parent, your kids come first. Period. If your aunt feels so strongly, she ought to pay. This is squarely her problem. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 Well, she left her kids when they were 14 and 16 and buggered off to marry some other guy. My dad and all his siblings left home at 15 . They think this is how child raising works. But your parents now you should pay for them for life. 🙄 She's off her rocker. When you're a parent, your kids come first. Period. If your aunt feels so strongly, she ought to pay. This is squarely her problem. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Sounds like it's time for him to live with the consequences of an abusive, squandered life while you get to continue to live yours with your loving family, free from burden. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 29, 2019 Author Share Posted June 29, 2019 My mom said she would inform her of a few choice facts about her wonderful family and tell her to pound the pavement and leave her kids alone. So I think I will give my mom her number. Sounds like it's time for him to live with the consequences of an abusive, squandered life while you get to continue to live yours with your loving family, free from burden. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Sounds like momma bear is going to set her straight. That's so good! Really, I am happy for you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 I talked with my brother today and we both agreed to pay $15 each . Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 I talked with my brother today and we both agreed to pay $15 each . Yay YOU! Perfect and most economical way to get this monkey off your back. Well done. Link to comment
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