Cheating? What would you do?

[Hollyj]

Agree about emotional affairs but for goodness sakes, it's only been two weeks!

 

Never spoke on phone and they don't even speak same language. Whatever emotions he's feeling are going on within his own sick head.

 

I also don't get him telling OP she's his "second choice."

 

Choosing is what single people do when they're multi-dating and decide they like one more than the other.

 

Has he forgotten she is his wife? He made his "choice" ten years ago when he married her!

 

That said not even sure why I bother responding, OP has not returned, she's a one and done.

 

This situation is so insane, I'm doubting now if it's even real.

 

I hope you are right, in it not being real.

[Wiseman2]

What you happened upon is the tip if the iceberg. Sure you can blame the other women and tell them he's married, but that will never fix things. Why? Because your husband is the problem, not women in chatrooms, etc. He is telling you straight out that he does not love you and wants to have affairs, but keep the family around.

 

Now that you have confronted him and the other woman, he will be much more careful with his extracurricular activities. There are a million choices he could have made to address his "midlife crisis", therapy, etc. but he chose to engage in this instead and tell you "you are a second choice". That is a tremendous red flag.

 

This is not a 'bump in the road". You are quite dismissive and ascribing this to midlife crisis etc. Yet he has been deceitful, tells you he can't talk to you and then goes on to say you are second best.

 

Get to an attorney and a therapist Privately and Confidentially. Do not tell your husband. Do not threaten divorce. Do not include him in therapy or tell him about it. Allow the professionals to guide and help you, then reflect and decide what you want to do. Discuss your options in the event of divorce with the attorney. The chat room thing is merely a symptom of deeper problems. The most ominous sign that he will cheat again and/or divorce you is him telling you to your face that you are "a second choice".

I confronted him - and her too!! She wasn't aware he was married and living with his wife and children.

 

My husband says he loves me and wants to be a family, but he did admit that I am his second choice as the other woman had blocked him.

 

He didn't confide in me because it would be too real and he would need to work through the issues, there would be no way to take it back.