Bug in my head

[SGH]

^^ If you're referring to me, I really didn't think what you wrote was inappropriate at all, and I actually wasn't talking about you specifically. I just thought the responses to this thread were a little more curt than I'm used to seeing on here, and I could understand why OP felt defensive. When emotions run high, it's hard to take advice if it's delivered in a very straightforward way.

[figureitout23]

^^ If you're referring to me, I really didn't think what you wrote was inappropriate at all, and I actually wasn't talking about you specifically. I just thought the responses to this thread were a little more curt than I'm used to seeing on here, and I could understand why OP felt defensive. When emotions run high, it's hard to take advice if it's delivered in a very straightforward way.

 

Ah ok I hear ya.

 

I can only speak for my own responses, but I cant say his hyper defensive stance had anything to do with the tone of the posters. I truly feel he was/is frustrated/hurt/embarrassed and is hyper defensive and taking that out on us.

 

I think some posters have been confused about his living situation simply because the involvement that his mother had was very out of the ordinary and it begs the question what else is going on here why is his mother so involved in his love life is he maybe being coddled by his family and was there an issue with his relationship because of the overinvolvment? What’s not being said? because there’s definitely a piece of the puzzle missing here

 

there’s a post going on right now on the dating board where the woman has been posting and painting a picture a certain way Based on her view but actually with the posts more and more and more of the picture it gets filled in It’s starting to be discovered that what she is seeing and portraying to us isn’t necessarily reality and there’s so much more to it. I really feel that that’s what’s going on in this situation tooband that also may be why the hyper defensiveness is coming in. I actually wish east would come here and take a crack at this situation she has a way of pulling things together that is just brilliant

[Hollyj]

I thought he had gone there to talk to them but not actually move with them because of the break up. I'm assuming him and the ex didn't live together at 7 months. So I assumed he was just there one day to talk to them and not actually move.

 

You are right. I misread.

[figureitout23]

You are right. I misread.

 

I was also under that impression and quite frankly the original poster never clarified in fact when asked he would just keep saying well I needed support, what do you do? type of defensive responses

[Annia]

I was also under that impression and quite frankly the original poster never clarified in fact when asked he would just keep saying well I needed support, what do you do? type of defensive responses

 

Yes, he's been very defensive about giving more details. There's nothing in the posts that 100% answer the question, it was just the impression I had when I read the initial post.

[RayRay63]

I agree, the mother thing was just a convenient excuse for your ex.

 

Dumpers go through stages as well -

 

1 -Relief

2- Elation at their new freedom

3 -feelings of nostalgia and comparison of their current and old situation (this is where fading affect bias comes in - they remember the good stuff - but not if it was an abusive relationship)

4- neutrality

5 -either they reach indifference, or they go into a regret stage which prompts them to take another look at you. Usually the former.

 

There are other versions of this, but they are similar in scope.

 

I'd guess your ex is in stage 2, does not want to feel any guilt or remorse, and has used that convenient excuse to distance herself from the fact she knows you are hurt.