What is the difference between LOVE and IN LOVE?

[chai714]

What is your opinion on this? You hear it all the time. People often use it as an excuse when they break up, "I love you, but am not in love with you." Is there a difference? Are they the same thing? What do you think?

[whatfor]

Yes i just read one post and wanted to ask the same...

I was told that you can "love" your family members, pet, friends, but "in love" you can only be with your partner. But when i say "i love you" i dont mean i love him as my friend or pet so im not sure it makes any sense?

[CarterJonas]

It's probably the most commonest excuse used to break up with someone. As kungfu said on another post I think it means that now the 'honeymoon period (6 months!)' is over I don't find you as exciting anymore, so I'm not in-love with you but love you as a friend.

 

I don't think it is possible to stay 'in love' with someone for 25 years. Everything is 'new and exciting' at the start of a relationship but it changes as (if) it develops.

[keefy1972]

LOL, Chai, I can always count on you calling a thought-provoking issue to the forefront. My definitions are as follows:

 

To love someone is to care for the health and well being of a person. To have genuine interest in their life. To accept all flaws and see them as unique individuals. Taking note of and appreciating the positive qualities and dismissing the bad.

 

To be "in Love" is all of the above plus the addition of passion, lust, desire, or whatever you want to call it.

 

But hell, I dont know. Thanks for making me feel like a moron Chai.

[Day_Walker]

Yes I believe that there is a difference between love and in love. The latter is a lasting emotion which should mean the highest levels of feelings for another person, it also has implications of how you should treat the person you have these feelings for. When I say a lasting emotion I mean an emotion that doesnt go away. If you love a person it doesnt guarantee anything it simply means that you have this feeling for them, it doesnt mean that you have to be with this person. Love is a mature emotion that takes understanding and thought in order to fully grasp the implications of what it means to love a person.

 

In love seems to be a emotion that is temporary because it has to deal with excitement and getting to know a person. In love has nothing to do with love, once the excitement is gone then the feeling is gone. If in love is associated with love in any respect then it has to do with an immature romanticised ideal which cannot be maintained.

 

I think that too many people dont know what love is and they look for this idea of being "in love" and believe thats what love is about.

[DN]

'Love' is caring about someone's well-being..

 

'In love' is caring about someone's well-being more than you care about your own.

[kungfumaster]

Woooah - so weird - I just posted on something like this - hey thanks CarterJones for catching that!

 

And to add to what CarterJones just said, I think if people just work a bit harder and be more open, they might find that they can get deeper feeling of love than just "love" and "in love" combined! My 3+3 cents.

[Beec]

I think one of the big differences is how you see them. If they fit what you see in your life as your partner, then you may fall in love.

[chai714]

Here are my thoughts on this:

 

Love: There are two types: Family/Friends Love and Romantic Love

 

Love for your family and/or friends is the same. It's platonic, and simply means you have deep emotional feelings of care for them.

 

Romantic love is different in a sense that you are attracted to them in a romantic sense PLUS have deep emotional feelings of care for them.

 

In Love: does not exist. I think people often say this but mean "I like him/her a lot right now, thereforeeee I'm "in love."" Saying that you're "in love" with someone is a temporary feeling, while actually loving them is a more stable feeling, which doesn't fluctuate depending on how things are going with them. This is why you often times hear females (no, I'm not being sexist) say, "I think I'm in love." Interpretation: Things are going really good with this guy right now, and I like him a lot (right now).

[nexus532]

Its simple, you love your parents, or a sibling ect, but you may be in love with someone you can see yoursefl with for the next decades of your life.

[titan]

i think its just an easy exuse out of relationships, basically people mistake the new amd exiting for being "in love". this is what probably leads many people to stray from relationship, marriges etc.

 

you either love someone or you don't and you can't fall out of love with someone unless they have done something terribly wrong to take that feeling away and when i try to think of love all you feel is hurt.

[chai714]

you either love someone or you don't and you can't fall out of love with someone unless they have done something terribly wrong to take that feeling away

 

Titan makes a good point here. If you are supposedly falling in and out of love with someone in a short period of time, it simpy means you never loved them in the first place. Love is not very volatile if you ask me. It's an emotion that is deeply entrenched inside of you. Some say there's a thin line between love and hate, but it's more like love and frustration.

 

What are some of you females out there opinion? Would you rather marry someone that you love, or are "in love" with? Why or why not?

[Day_Walker]

If you are supposedly falling in and out of love with someone in a short period of time, it simpy means you never loved them in the first place. Love is not very volatile if you ask me. It's an emotion that is deeply entrenched inside of you. Some say there's a thin line between love and hate, but it's more like love and frustration.

 

This is the difference between maturity and immaturity, this has nothing to do with age. In order to keep the volitility there must be doubt and uncertainty. These feelings cause the relationship to be insecure and immature.

[marty05]

I think that love is a temporary emotions that fools into think that your love someone. Anyone can fall in love and out love, but if someone truly loves a person you never see each other apart. I think the biggest obsticale is passion and excitement. I think that these feelings sometime diminish and start to dullen a relationship so it makes you feel not "in love". Things change and people mature, things are always incredible in the beginning when everything is new and fresh. You find yourself discovering things about your partner that makes you feel incredible. So, what do you want more the feeling of consistantly loving and being loved by someone or a feeling of knowing that the person you think you love or loves you in this instant is going away when thing are not new anymore.

[allein]

my gf says she's not in love with me anymore. She says the magic/excitment/lust is gone. She says now it's just like being great friends. My question is, is it possible to get that back without appearing clingy and needy? Can you rekindle romance and excitment?

 

For me being in love and just love are different but only different in the level of intimate exchage. I wouldn't tell friends and family that I love the same things and feel the same way as someone I am in love with.

[CASS020283]

OKAY, im going to have to go with what most of you said. "in love", is a lusty, passionate, attraction. those are just words we use to try to explain the feeling. i have had both, the in love feeling that quickly fizzles out and the deep and enduring love that is there no matter what. when you truly love someone, it never fades or disappears no matter time or distance, it takes time to love this way, it takes actions, trust and so much more. the great enduring love is one that gets deeper with time {opinion of course} and the longer your with them the stronger the love. if you fall out of love then you were never loving that person. you were simply ecstatic over the idea of them, the attraction was intense, etc. now on another note, you can have both. you can have the deep and enduring love plus the attraction and passion. sure its not high passion everyday, but the in my opinion, deep love ignites passion. there is no greater feeling in the world, than knowing you have something deep abiding and true, thats passionate! and on another note, it still doesnt mean it will never end. other things factor in to making a relationship work, and unfortunately, some people need more thatn love, and some will fight whatever battle they must for love. its all about the person. i feel that true love never really dies, even if you are not with that person, and you have moved on, it always lives on in a "different part of your heart"{figure of speach} thats why i believe when people say that they are not in love, it means they really never "loved" you. they were xited about the idea of you, and they could picture you fitting the bill. also, love can fizzle in an abusive relationship, never really die, but you wont feel the love as much as youll feel the pain. bec. the negative aspect of the relationship will always be sitting in the front seat with you. there is no equation, just ideas, and no certainty. i just feel that true love will always love you, may leave you, wont forget you, but the person for you will choose not to leave. sooooo many ideas on love.......who knows the truth?

[newts]

I actually think they are the same thing.

 

You say you love your family, however, you are not sexually attracted to them nor do fell a oneness with them (well most families don't anyway) Really in my opinion it is a strong friendship and respect factor, not love.

 

Definition of love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

 

I believe when people say I broke up with my partner because I love them I am not in love with them. It's a cop out, a way in which the dumper believes it wont affect there ex-partner as much. It's a soft approach, let's face it, nobody wants to be the nasty cruel guy or gal.

[Zerohero]

People mistake LOVE for LUST sometimes.

 

Anyway, If you "Love" someone you will do anything to see the goodness of their well being. Meaning if they get sick you care and are their etc. For someoen to tell me they are not in "In love" with me anymore means that they no longer care for me anymore on a serious level.

[unhappyinlove1]

I have to said I really got a chuckle out of reading all of these posts just now. I just posted a reply on this very subject the other day.

 

I believe that people who differentiate between "in love" and "love" are talking about lust/passion/desire/obsession versus profound feelings of tenderness and concern for another person. Real love includes acceptance of a person's true self - flaws and all. Love is what takes over after the in love/lust phase dies down. Love is more profound and develops over time... it involves respect, trust, companionship, compromise and work and doesn't go away overnight. I get really frustrated that so many people don't get this. So many people think being "in love" is all magic and real love involves no work. They get so caught up in fantasy that they walk away from love because they can't deal with the reality of it. They always doubt... they only feel sure they were in love when they've lost the person. Love takes work and effort - but everyday you love the other person as a dear friend and you respect them deeply. You have those passionate moments of being "in love" but they are fleeting. Those moments are necessary - although they are few and far between once you've been together for a long time.

 

I must say it's really nice to know that there are men that have the same notion of love as me... I was REALLY starting to wonder if I were the only person on Earth with these beliefs. Now if the next guy I date and love actually believed the same thing - and behaved accordingly - that'd be great!

[darkblue]

Ohh Good question.

 

In Greek; there are three words for love.

 

Eros - Romantic, Hormone enraged passionate love.

 

Agape - Deep connection of brotherly love. Used mostly in Christianity.

 

Philia - Friends/Family Love [platonic/unsexual]

 

My point here is; in English we can say "oh I love chocolate"

 

As you say "I Love my wife/husband"

 

The difference in English is:

 

If you 'love' someone - but are not 'in love' with them. You deeply care about them, without passionate feelings.

 

If you are 'in love' with someone - you have passionate feelings for them, the difference between love and lust being, Lust is sexual desire without so much of the feelings of 'oneness' with the other person.

 

Well this is how i feel the differences are.

 

Darkblue

 

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Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

Erich Fromm

[lostwithlove]

wow, very true drkblue

 

That's exactly what i think of it too..

 

*echoes* lol

[loveydovey]

Oh my goodness I love this question. My simple definitions:

 

LOVE: A mature feeling and action that you express towards people that you care about

 

IN LOVE: A heightened sense of euphoria you feel towards a signifact other

 

But simply put, you can love someone for 10 years, but its almost inevitable that you will fall in love and out of love with them throughout the entire time.

 

Think about it. It makes sense

[ladyluck]

Message

loveydovey

PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 1:13 am Post subject:

Oh my goodness I love this question. My simple definitions:

 

LOVE: A mature feeling and action that you express towards people that you care about

 

IN LOVE: A heightened sense of euphoria you feel towards a signifact other

 

 

 

love or in love i find myself here all the time and lovey dovey has it down pact