Silent after fight

[Normm]

When I mentioned that if she had said no again then I wouldn't have went for it, she immediately said there's no excuse.

 

That's a really lame defense. If you asked her "one more time" and she said no "one more time" you would have stopped asking? She should only have to ask once. It's actually insulting to her for you to say she should have asked a 3rd (or 4th) time in order for you to finally listen to her, if you would have at all. It almost sounds like telling a child to turn off their video game and go to bed. Mom I did turn it off! After you asked me 3 times!

[DancingFool]

Oh please people, asking twice is not pressuring anyone into anything. Let's not start swinging to extremes here. The real issue here is that this woman is actually completely unstable and taking it out on the OP.

 

OP, I'm sorry you are sad, but really, this is for the best. You are seeing her colors, even if it's just for the first time, and someone like that is literally dangerous to be involved with as much as you don't want to think of her that way.

[mustlovedogs]

Not reading all the replies.

 

She said yes but you could clearly tell she didn’t mean it.

 

I would be mad at you too. Disagree with the above - it was pressure and you knew better.

[boltnrun]

Someone asks me for something (especially sex) once and I say no, I am going to be all kinds of annoyed if they ask again.

 

She may have said yes because she wanted to appease you, because she feared saying "no" again might make you angry, or she has become accustomed to complying to peoples' requests.

 

It's best to follow the adage "no means no". "No" does not mean "ask me again because you have a raging boner and want to get off".

[Normm]

it was pressure and you knew better.

 

I'm not so sure he does.

[mustlovedogs]

I'm not so sure he does.

 

He wrote himself she hesitated. He knows.

[Normm]

He wrote himself she hesitated. He knows.

 

Ok I took your post to mean he knows better than to pressure her, not that he knew he pressured her.

 

Because as far as the former goes, I think if he could have gotten away with it he never would have given it a second thought.

[coffeeshop]

She text me today.

 

Her: How are you doing?

Me: I'm ok thanks, how are you?

Her: I'm good, tired and sore from yoga the past 2 days.

Me: That's nice, how did it go?

Her: It was good but I'm definitely not as flexible as before, feeling good that I now have a membership though"

Me: That's nice :)

 

And she hasn't reply further.

I didn't want to keep the conversation going on by asking more questions, cause I don't know where we stand and I don't want to pretend that we are ok by chatting random things.

 

I thought about asking her if we can meet and talk when she's ready, but I also remember she asked for time to think, so the ball is still in her court at the moment?

[Wiseman2]

Exactly. At this point it's unclear if she's trying to break the ice or segueing from breadcrumbs to friendzoning. Yes shut down the random chitchat and let her bring up meeting in person. Space and pulling back are the best bets now.

I don't know where we stand and I don't want to pretend that we are ok by chatting random things.

[coffeeshop]

She just replied saying “yes it feels good. What have you been doing?”

 

I don’t know what to say anymore.

Like I said I don’t want to pretend it’s all ok, but at the same time I can’t ignore her cause we’ve not exactly broke up?

[coffeeshop]

So I decided to reply.

 

Me: Quite a few things, but productive. Can we meet and talk? about everything?

 

Then she immediately replied:

Her: Productive is good. Yes sure, when is good for you?

Me: Tonight?

Her: Work is mad today and I'm quite tired.

Me: That's ok, when is good for you?

Her: At some point on Sunday?

Me: Sure

Her: You ok?

Me: Yes, are you?

 

We chatted little bit more and left it at that.

 

I'm feeling down. I reread the messages a few times and feel like she's decided already.

While I still think this can go either way, I feel like she will break it up with reasons in lines of I have to focus on myself/sort out my emotions alone.

And that is totally fair, especially since I'm the one who caused this drama initially and triggered her emotions.

 

I'm going to prepare for the worse, and hope for the best.

[Normm]

When you meet with her, listen more than talk. When you do have something to say, make it about her, not about you.

 

Example- She says she wants to break up. Respect and acknowledge the reasons, don't make it about giving you another chance because you don't want it to end because you think there's so much potential, etc.

[coffeeshop]

So we just met.

A little catch up then I asked what she's been thinking the past few days.

She said she spoke with a friend to get a different perspective.

And her friend think what I did was wrong but not unforgivable, and the main issue is that she has this bad experience that she's not dealt with or told me about.

 

She then said I might think it's not fair or that she's selfish, but she's not ready to deal with or to overcome the experience right now.

I said I understand, everyone can have their own personal agenda, and that's ok.

 

She then said maybe we can grab a coffee in a week to catch up and see where things are.

 

 

I gave her her things back, she gave me back my flat keys and I left.

[Normm]

You handled it well. Now stay cool and focus on other things. Resist the urge to contact her. If she wants back in she knows where to find you.

[kamurj]

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