Need some perspective

[katrina1980]

I had created a thread many months ago about the HBO series "Big Little Lies" a very realistic depiction of an abusuve RL (physically, mentally, emotionally) between a very intelligent and educated woman (a successful attorney prior to marrying) and her extremely successful husband.

 

Mid to late 30s, certainly "old" enough to know how toxic and dysfunctional such RLs are, HOWEVER, what I learned is there is a lot of mental manipulation abusers employ that has the potential of weakenng a woman, lowering her self-esteem in attemot to maintain control, the power, and make her dependent on him. The manipulation is slow, subtle and incidious.

 

As Wiseman said, abusive relations are not limited to only the young and naive, or those from disadvantaged backgrounds, they cover the gamut and no one is immune.

 

I am sure Celeste (the abused woman) never thought in a million years it would ever happen to her, but it did.

 

A late 30s, intelligent, educated, successful, wealthy woman.

 

OP, I thought the age comment was unfair too; please don't allow it to drive you off.

 

ENA is a great support with many compassionate people who have helped many people through their relationships and break-ups.

 

Anyway, no matter what you decide to do, stay strong! And best of luck.

[Starlight925]

I had created a thread many months ago about the HBO series "Big Little Lies" a very realistic depiction of an abusuve RL (physically, mentally, emotionally) between a very intelligent and educated woman (a successful attorney prior to marrying) and her extremely successful husband.

 

Mid to late 30s, certainly "old" enough to know how toxic and dysfunctional such RLs are, HOWEVER, what I learned is there is a lot of mental manipulation abusers employ that has the potential of weakenng a woman, lowering her self-esteem in attemot to maintain control, the power, and make her dependent on him.

 

OMG, "Big Little Lies" was so good! The book and the series.

 

Are you watching Dirty John? Or have you listened to the podcast? Completely true story about a 59 year-old woman, successful, great life, yet she gets taken in by this guy. I won't spoil it for you, but you really should download the podcast and/or watch it on Bravo. Chilling.

[katrina1980]

No I haven't LHG , but I just checked and found it on Bravo On Demand!

 

I'll try to check it out; my time is very limited these days!

 

But thanks I love insightful provocative shows/movies that challenge our typical thought processes!

[katrina1980]

OMG it's a true story too!!

[jane22]

Hi

 

Thanks to everyone who have been so kind.

 

I am going to be completely honest.

 

I am embarrassed. Completely and utterly embarrassed. I am strong, educated, experienced, independent and compassionate ( on the outside ). On the inside, I am insecure, naïve and in need of some deep soul searching. How did this happen? I am typing this in tears. My whole life, I turned away good men. I thought I deserved better. They were never good enough for me. Then I find this guy, who treats me like and I stay???? What is so broken inside of me to do this?

 

Since I have last visited your forum, nothing changed. We were invited to a xmas party and he flaked on me last minute. I went alone. I sat there with all of my friends lying about why he wasn't there. My brother was there with this wife and I was lying to him too. I felt horrible. But, it was a blessing because when I saw everyone who were a couple, I saw what being happy in a relationship looked like.

 

At 9:00 I decided to come home because I thought about him being alone on Christmas. Yeah, that's right. I thought about him. When I walked in, he ate the plate of food I brought home and left. I asked him to stay and he said no.

 

The next day he came over to help do some stuff at my new place. We had dinner and he said he sensed I was not happy. He knew why. I told him in a gentle way, I think we should break up. He didn't seem happy at all and kept reassuring that is what I wanted. I told him we needed to take a break....the break never happened. He was here a lot after that and I allowed it.

 

Yesterday we went out for coffee. It was such a beautiful spot, so relaxing. He was in one chair, myself in another and my dog on another. I was basking in the cool breeze, feeling wonderful. Out of the blue, he makes a comment about this woman that was his type and her husband was lucky to be married to her.

 

I stood up, and calmly said I wanted to go home. He immediately started apologizing. He texted that night saying he was sorry, it meant nothing, he was sorry.

 

It is over.

 

I called my brother and told him everything. I told him he lied about not having an ex wife, and son.

 

I told him he hit his son and said he hated him.

 

I told him he said he hated me.

 

I told him the whole ugly truth.

 

It is out there.

 

He had some clothes here and said he wanted to pick them up. I didn't feel comfortable him being here with my dog so I took the day off and took the dog and left. Once he had his stuff I came back home.

 

My sister in law is on her way over now. She is a wonderful support. My older brother will be here when I move on Saturday.

 

I am so sorry for being defensive with you all before. The age thing got me because I really thought it was irrelevant.

 

I wont lie, I am sad. Not sad he is gone, but sad for what could have been. A bigger part of me is relieved. I was so unhappy all the time. I felt like I was a participant in a drive by shooting at least once a week. It is the craziest thing, because he can turn any situation around to make it seem like it is my fault. That can really mess your head up...you almost feel like you are going crazy and second guessing yourself.

 

Thanks again for taking time to respond. It helped a lot, even though I was a bit of a defensive A HOLE :)

[jane22]

I have a dilemma and it is my dog, Franky. He loves him so much and we had a conversation before about how he could stay in Franky's life no matter what happened with us.

 

After yesterday, I feel differently. I am not punishing him by wanting to keep Franky away from him, I simply do not want to see him again. Any advice because I know he will be showing up wanting to see him.

[jane22]

Thanks LHGirl. When I have a chance, I will look for your thread. I am happy you got out