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jane22

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  1. Thanks LHGirl. When I have a chance, I will look for your thread. I am happy you got out
  2. I have a dilemma and it is my dog, Franky. He loves him so much and we had a conversation before about how he could stay in Franky's life no matter what happened with us. After yesterday, I feel differently. I am not punishing him by wanting to keep Franky away from him, I simply do not want to see him again. Any advice because I know he will be showing up wanting to see him.
  3. Hi Thanks to everyone who have been so kind. I am going to be completely honest. I am embarrassed. Completely and utterly embarrassed. I am strong, educated, experienced, independent and compassionate ( on the outside ). On the inside, I am insecure, naïve and in need of some deep soul searching. How did this happen? I am typing this in tears. My whole life, I turned away good men. I thought I deserved better. They were never good enough for me. Then I find this guy, who treats me like and I stay???? What is so broken inside of me to do this? Since I have last visited your forum, nothing changed. We were invited to a xmas party and he flaked on me last minute. I went alone. I sat there with all of my friends lying about why he wasn't there. My brother was there with this wife and I was lying to him too. I felt horrible. But, it was a blessing because when I saw everyone who were a couple, I saw what being happy in a relationship looked like. At 9:00 I decided to come home because I thought about him being alone on Christmas. Yeah, that's right. I thought about him. When I walked in, he ate the plate of food I brought home and left. I asked him to stay and he said no. The next day he came over to help do some stuff at my new place. We had dinner and he said he sensed I was not happy. He knew why. I told him in a gentle way, I think we should break up. He didn't seem happy at all and kept reassuring that is what I wanted. I told him we needed to take a break....the break never happened. He was here a lot after that and I allowed it. Yesterday we went out for coffee. It was such a beautiful spot, so relaxing. He was in one chair, myself in another and my dog on another. I was basking in the cool breeze, feeling wonderful. Out of the blue, he makes a comment about this woman that was his type and her husband was lucky to be married to her. I stood up, and calmly said I wanted to go home. He immediately started apologizing. He texted that night saying he was sorry, it meant nothing, he was sorry. It is over. I called my brother and told him everything. I told him he lied about not having an ex wife, and son. I told him he hit his son and said he hated him. I told him he said he hated me. I told him the whole ugly truth. It is out there. He had some clothes here and said he wanted to pick them up. I didn't feel comfortable him being here with my dog so I took the day off and took the dog and left. Once he had his stuff I came back home. My sister in law is on her way over now. She is a wonderful support. My older brother will be here when I move on Saturday. I am so sorry for being defensive with you all before. The age thing got me because I really thought it was irrelevant. I wont lie, I am sad. Not sad he is gone, but sad for what could have been. A bigger part of me is relieved. I was so unhappy all the time. I felt like I was a participant in a drive by shooting at least once a week. It is the craziest thing, because he can turn any situation around to make it seem like it is my fault. That can really mess your head up...you almost feel like you are going crazy and second guessing yourself. Thanks again for taking time to respond. It helped a lot, even though I was a bit of a defensive A HOLE :)
  4. I appreciate the advice but bringing up my age is judgemental. Yes, I am 51 but that doesn't mean I know it all. Life is a journey and we are all learning until the day we die. Being a teenager or 51, or even 70 is irrelevant. You don't know me, my past or events in my life that have brought me to where I am today. Saying that I should know better is insulting and does nothing to help my situation. Appreciate the input but I'm out. This isn't what I need right now.
  5. I'm not afraid of being alone. My issue is, I hate confrontation and drama and don't want to hurt him. I've been told I'm too nice . I get it
  6. Do I love and respect myself? God...I always thought I did. Doesn't sound like I do. Maybe this is more about me...God..I feel stupid
  7. I told him he makes me nervous. I told him he is hot and cold and his mood swings make me anxious and uncomfortable. He told me his ex wife said the same thing and he looked shocked. He has so insight. I'm wondering if there is some other issue...just odd...
  8. About his son, I was shocked and yes, I know...just to clarify..he smashed his own phone..doesn't matter either way, but it wasn't his sons phone. He feels horrible about it, a lot of guilt...but he did it. It's not right.
  9. No. I have corresponded with his sister. But never met them in person. I need to hear this...you are right. 100 percent I can't talk to my family about this. They don't know any of it..they love him.
  10. Hi..thanks for your reply. Yes, I work full time and have a good network of friends. Also, both my siblings live here so have a solid bond with them and inlaws. I bodybuild full time as well, so have a network of gym goers I see everyday. I know what you're saying. People told me at the time, everyone messes up. He didn't tell me in the beginning because he didn't want me to judge him... remember he is Asian, there is a cultural thing there. He talked to his mother about it numerous times and she was advising him to tell me. I found out before he did...I will never know if he planned on telling me or not. I know over the course of our relationship, I wasn't perfect either. I'm super independent and often would push him away, feeling I needed time alone. This is mostly after my parents passed. I go inward and didn't want him around. I'm certain this messed with his Asian ego. I suppose I'm making excuses in a way, but I am aware I'm not perfect either. Logically, I know you are right. I have never had this experience before. I have walked away from relationships so easily before. Why is this one so hard? Let me tell you this...( Thanks for listening 😀) He sat at the end of my bed and looked broken. He feels worthless, like a screw up. Moving here has left him alone with no purpose. I go out everyday and do my thing. He's behind a computer and babysitting my dog. He said he feels lonely and sad inside. Seeing him like that made me cry. I knew I loved him deeply as a person. I am encouraging him to leave, go back to the city to get his life back. I just want him to be happy. Whenever that leaves me, is fine.. I am moving to a new place at the end of the month. He's been a huge help and support through this transition. I'm hoping he will go back to the city after that. Is it possible to accept a person for who they are? Good, bad and the ugly? Just love them? About 25 years ago, I was a train wreck. People in my life stuck by me...they knew who I really was. I'll never forget them for it. I want to support him emotionally, and I know the best thing to do is to move on with love, but it's hard because I don't want to hurt him more.
  11. I will try to keep this short and to the point I have been with the same man for a little more than 2 years. He is Asian and I am Canadian. I have been in Asia for many years and this is his home country. He has also lived abroad and has had experience dating western women before. Early in the relationship he was in one city and I was in another. We saw each other on average, twice a month which worked out pretty well I thought. He had a good job working as a trader in a bank but always seemed stressed out about it. There were a couple of times he would change plans randomly sort of going back and forth about coming to visit. For example, he would make plans to come Friday and then change and say Saturday. After I would rearrange my weekend to accommodate the change, he would later text and say he changed his mind and was coming Friday. If I said I had already made plans, he would get angry but in a very passive aggressive way. It was one of those situations where you know the person is mad, but they turn it around and make you seem crazy for thinking that. I have to say, he did apologize one time and admitted to being a jerk. OK..moving forward. After dating for almost a year, he came to visit one weekend and was extremely distant. He would not sit near me, he was sleeping on the floor, acting just plain strange. At one point he started talking about how hot these women were on TV and then later blurted out if I would give him a BJ. It was odd and I just felt weird. Later on I confronted him. He said he just needed space. I told him FINE..why would you come all this way and insert yourself into MY SPACE and make me uncomfortable if YOU NEED SPACE??? He agreed and about 30 min. later told me he was quitting his job and moving to my city! I was blindsided. Moving on.. So, less than a week later he is here. I felt something was off but really wanted this to work. He decided he would trade on his own and that would be his source of income. He got his own place about a 15 min. drive from mine. I have to say, I have pretty good intuition and something felt off. I decided to investigate a bit and uncovered that he was previously married, divorced and had a son. He always told me he was never married before. Yeah, another blindside. I was shocked, hurt and devastated. But, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to just love him unconditionally. Over the last year, his moods have been erratic. He loves me and cannot get enough of me one weekend but by the middle of the following week, he is distant and cold. Numerous times he shuts me up, tells me he doesn't want to talk, even if I simply ask if he has plans for the weekend. Logically, I know this is wrong and logically I know I am an idiot but I just get sucked in all the time. When we met, I had a dog. He was older and not very well. He fell in love with him immediately and five months later he passed away. This dog was my life, MY BEST FRIEND. I was not ready for another one but he sort of pressed the issue a lot. Finally I did it for him and got a puppy. He loves this dog as much as I do. Actually, I am wondering if he is sticking around just for the dog. Him loving my baby is amazing and it warms my heart but I also feel as if he is tolerating me just to maintain contact with my dog. Could be my imagination but who knows. We had one amazing weekend together. The next weekend he walked into my house, sat down, pulled out his phone and blurted out, I am moving (to another city). No eye contact, not explanation, just that. He then played with my dog, told my dog he loved him and left. The next day I was livid. I texted him....would have preferred a one on one but to be honest, I never wanted to see him again. I told him to get the hell out of my life and never come around again. He rapid called, texted....panic mode. He showed up at my place. I couldn't tolerate it so asked him to leave. He did. The next day, he shows up at lunch time with his laundry!!!! ??? I shut the door on him and told him to go away. He did....more rapid texting. Finally, I told him I am not intentionally punishing him, I need time away to process. SO....as this thing usually goes, I forgive and move on and hope everything will be ok We talked a lot. We spent Friday night together which was great. Just like old times. We had stopped spending nights together awhile back. The only time I saw him was when he was here with the dog. Then he would leave. He went back to his hometown to see his son. Returned Tuesday.....tells me his 10 year old son spent the night on his cell phone and he ended up telling his son he hated him, (oh, I forgot, he told me he hated me too....while we were talking.....) hit his son and smashed his cell phone. Now, we are into the weekend. Xmas party last night, he wouldn't go with me. I come home and as soon as I walk in he leaves. Hmmm.... I feel absolutely alone, angry, hurt and most of all pissed at myself for not being able to break this off. I am reading this and thinking is this really my life? Am I one of those women? By the way, I am 51 and he is 49. Please go easy on me....I know what the responses will be. I want to add, there is another side to him that is extremely generous and caring. I know he has a good heart. I have seen his compassion many times. I know he feels guilt. I know he is having money issues, although he has never once asked me for a dime. He has a lot of pride and would spend his last dollar on me rather than admit he is hurting financially. He has said he wants to go back to the bank to work. His love for my dog is sweet. He is always ready to help me if I need it. During the time I have met him, both my parents passed away and he was here for me 100 percent. is this relationship doomed? I do love him.
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