will I ever hear from him again and did I make the right decision?

[Anon333]

I haven't posted on here for awhile, maybe 2 years ago or so when I was going through a really rough break up. I have been dating since and haven't met anyone I really felt anything for. well that was up until the last month. I started seeing someone through a dating site and it was the first person I have liked in a long long time. The first night I met him he told me his mom died last year and around this time. I felt really sympathetic and gave my condolences. The rest of the night (first date) we had a blast and made out and he dropped me off at home and we both seem excited about each other.

 

We continued seeing each other for about a month and I was starting to realize I liked him a lot and then getting red flags he wasn't feeling it as much as me so that made me not feel like myself completely. at one point on a really nice date and night he was asking about a mutual friend of ours and I said the friend is always bummed out because he wants a girlfriend and relationship. His response was to laugh and he went on about not understanding why people are so anxious to get into relationship and how he isn't looking for a girlfriend..I got really quiet and felt weird and he asked me what was up. I didnt know what to say without sounding needy. I just said thats a weird thing to bring up to someone your'e hanging out with. He kinda tried to backtrack and said he didnt mean it that way..But I feel like he hinted many times he wasn't interested in anything serious.

 

The weird part was that he was grieving his mothers passing really hard and also told me personal things about his childhood that were really intense and i didnt know how to handle. He cried on me a couple times and i comforted him and it made me feel closer to him but at the same time in the back of my head i felt I am falling for this guy and doesn't want anything serious. At one point after he had told me personal things about his childhood he joked about me cuddling with someone else and I told him I wasn't doing that with anyone else and he could if he wanted to but I wasn't like that. He got really upset at me for bringing that up and it got really weird. He couldn't believe I would bring up something so serious about "us" when he had just divulged really personal childhood stuff. I didnt know how to respond or what to do and he kinda went in a weird mental state where he just froze and seemed annoyed i wasn't comforting him.

 

We ended up cuddling and being okay the next day. He apologized for having so many issues. I lent him my car to go on a trip to spread his mothers ashes. He sent me a couple sweet texts over the weekend and said he couldn't wait to see me. When he got back he couldn't hang out with me cause he had to babysit but made plans to go to the movies with me the next day. I never heard form him the whole next day and I went out and got drunk and kinda broke up with him over text. Saying this isn't working out and I thought we had plans and he seems somewhere else. He didnt respond. I met up with him the following day and kinda ended it as he didnt seem to care much and said he hopes we can be friends. I was pretty devastated after and texted him a ton saying I felt we cut things off too soon. He eventually told me I was texting too much and bumming him out and we needed space. He also admitted another woman from out of town had come into the picture and he had wanted to make space for her. This hurt a lot as well.

 

It was such a short lived relationship. Both of us would say how happy we were to have met each other and we had a lot in common. I wish I had just let things be and not end it so abruptly and I wish I could at least be friends with him. Ive tried contacting him once a week ago and he ignored it. Recently he posted a photo of a woman on instagram Im assuming he is dating or who he said he wanted to make time with. I also noticed he unfriended me on instagram...I felt we had a pretty positive relationship besides him going through so much and I was there for him in many ways in such a short time. I haven't pushed anything anymore and dont plan on contacting him again but we left on a decent note saying I hope we can be friends. It wasn't a long enough relationship where things got so tangled and awful you'd never want to see the person again. It hurts he unfollowed me on instagram and posted that woman but mostly that I really liked him and would have appreciated just being his friend. I dont know. Did I put too much pressure on things and end it all too soon or were the signs all there and I did the right thing? I really wish I knew how to keep my cool better. Now he wants nothing to do with me. Do you think I will hear from him again?

[DanZee]

How old are you and how old is this guy? Just trying to figure out the age group.

 

Anyway, he was giving off signals that he saw himself as a player. You were looking for a boyfriend, he was seeing dating you as entertainment. And of course, how much he could use you to cry on your shoulder and borrow your car.

 

You didn't do anything wrong other than think he was looking for a relationship. This guy is a user. Keep looking for someone looking for a partner.

[SGH]

Ditto DanZee.

 

Don't worry about whether you will hear from him again (it wouldn't really be great for you if you did). The two of you didn't want the same thing. You're not wrong for wanting a serious relationship, and he's not wrong for wanting to be single. However, your different values make the two of you incompatible. It seems like he knew that the two of you didn't share the same vision of the future and was prepared to take advantage of having you in the moment. You made the right choice, and now it's time to work on moving on. Sorry for your disappointment.

[Anon333]

Thank you for the responses. I wasn't trying to push anything but maybe i came across as needy to early on. I just didnt know how to react to the comments he made. I do feel a bit used for caring and comforting him and even after it all I would have liked to stay his friend but it is hard for me to understand why he cut me out that way. I am 39 and he is 36. I know I probably sound immature. I knew he was all the wrong things for me. He smoked and ate meat and im vegan and dont smoke. He also said he was hooked on heroin 10 years ago. He ate junk and kinda lived in a filthy place. He was just the guy for me to fall head over heals for. He was charming and sweet and Im not the most mature for 39 (still have roommates and work at a coffee shop). I dont know why I fall for the unavailable people. I also feel rejected after he said he was interested in someone else and posted a photo of her a week after we stopped talking. My last text I wished him well and apologized for cutting things short between us and I didnt need anything serious. He never wrote back....Its just weird I felt emotionally bonded with this person so fast and I probably meant nothing to him...

[smittenkittn]

Thank you for the responses. I wasn't trying to push anything but maybe i came across as needy to early on. I just didnt know how to react to the comments he made. I do feel a bit used for caring and comforting him and even after it all I would have liked to stay his friend but it is hard for me to understand why he cut me out that way. I am 39 and he is 36. I know I probably sound immature. I knew he was all the wrong things for me. He smoked and ate meat and im vegan and dont smoke. He also said he was hooked on heroin 10 years ago. He ate junk and kinda lived in a filthy place. He was just the guy for me to fall head over heals for. He was charming and sweet and Im not the most mature for 39 (still have roommates and work at a coffee shop). I dont know why I fall for the unavailable people. I also feel rejected after he said he was interested in someone else and posted a photo of her a week after we stopped talking. My last text I wished him well and apologized for cutting things short between us and I didnt need anything serious. He never wrote back....Its just weird I felt emotionally bonded with this person so fast and I probably meant nothing to him...

 

I don't think you're weird. It's actually really normal, you were doing all the supportive caring things and it is a bonding experience when you do that.

 

Though given some of the other stuff you've said, quite possibly it's lucky that it didn't progress, you probably don't really want to be tangled up with a junkie really.

 

You're a nice person and there will be someone better for you.

[RedDress]

Hang on... you let some guy you knew for a month borrow your car? You are incredibly sweet but I don’t think you should do that... What if he had an accident? Or if he just disappeared? Or he trashed it? I’m just saying that’s far too trusting for your own good.

 

To be honest? This is all just guesses... but I think he probably did like you... he was just talking to this other girl all along and didn’t want to commit or choose between you. I really hate to say it - but I would not be surprised at all if he borrowed your car to actually go and see her. How else would he have been dating someone from out of town if he doesn’t own a car?

 

... and then he stood you up because... yanno... weekend with other girl (in your car) went well...

 

I don’t think you did anything wrong beyond being too trusting. This guy does not sound like a catch for you... you should be happy this one is gone.

 

Onto the next one! But please keep your guard up a little as you get to know people. Unfortunately, there are people who will want to use you (especially if you have such a good heart and trusting soul).

[Anon333]

I guess I am too trusting but I also wouldn't have offered if it wasn't to spread his mothers ashes...I kinda know the story behind the girl he liked so I know he wasn't going to visit her although who knows if there was another girl when he went away. I really regret breaking things off and not letting him decide how he felt but I guess I was trying to beat him to it before he did it to me? I mean he was asking to reschedule to see a movie with me and i know he hadn't been feeling well emotionally and physically, I dont know why I couldn't just let things go and see where the dice fell. He did say he liked me a lot and that he just wanted to see where things went without pressure and there is no way of knowing. But part of me has been with guys who are head over heals with me and there is no question in my mind how they feel, but then again that can be a turn off to me too. I guess I was the too eager one.? I tried to be friends with him and leave things open and he seemed to want that but suddenly it feels like he closed the book with unfollowing me on instagram and ignoring me. I still feel like things with us were cut off short when we were just getting to know each other and that we could try again in the future, but I dont know if he was a jerk to me or also he obviously didnt like me enough...

[Wiseman2]

Just get back on the dating apps with better filters and a good more detailed profile and good recent pics. Use good screening before you agree to meet men for coffee. See how it goes in person. If there are deal breakers or there is weirdness, just wrap it up and move on.

I am 39 and he is 36. He smoked and ate meat and im vegan and dont smoke. He also said he was hooked on heroin 10 years ago. He ate junk and kinda lived in a filthy place.

[figureitout23]

Hang on... you let some guy you knew for a month borrow your car? You are incredibly sweet but I don’t think you should do that... What if he had an accident? Or if he just disappeared? Or he trashed it? I’m just saying that’s far too trusting for your own good.

 

To be honest? This is all just guesses... but I think he probably did like you... he was just talking to this other girl all along and didn’t want to commit or choose between you. I really hate to say it - but I would not be surprised at all if he borrowed your car to actually go and see her. How else would he have been dating someone from out of town if he doesn’t own a car?

 

... and then he stood you up because... yanno... weekend with other girl (in your car) went well...

 

I don’t think you did anything wrong beyond being too trusting. This guy does not sound like a catch for you... you should be happy this one is gone.

 

Onto the next one! But please keep your guard up a little as you get to know people. Unfortunately, there are people who will want to use you (especially if you have such a good heart and trusting soul).

 

Agree although I will say I think you did to something ‘wrong’, but it worked in your favor.

 

Infact I completely agree he was probably juggling you both completely undecided and you ‘kinda’ breaking up with him ( how do you kinda break up with someone? You either do or you dont. sounds like in the heat of the moment and possibly to get a rise out of him you did indeed break up with him but instead of it getting a rise out of him it simply pushed him into the other woman’s arms.

 

This is a lesson to learn if you want to have healthy relationships, the fact that you accepted his behavior and kinda joined in with the insanity isn’t a good look, but your slipup was beneficial when it came to this guy because, well he was driving your car to another chicks house, can you say butthead?