I felt that she only contact me if she needed something or someone to talk to

[katrina1980]

Ahhh - I too wanted more than a friendship, but in this situation, it is the HER that is different.

 

My "her" was compassionate, understanding and helpful.

 

His "her" is selfish and manipulative.

 

Is that what you mean?

 

Yes that is exactly what I mean.

 

You had a solid friendship with your "her" - OP and his "her" do not, she's taking advantage if his "niceness."

 

That's not a friendship, it's her using him for personal gain when it suits her.

[DanZee]

My suggestion is that you tell this girl you have a crush on her and you can't control your emotions any longer. So you can't talk to her any more because your feelings for her are too strong and it is killing you. Please ask someone else for help because you can't accept your unrequited love for her. At the end of your conversation, she'll either go away, or she'll be your girlfriend.

[Annia]

 

So you're right, most people pleasers don't do that out of pure altruism. They do because they need something back. The problem is, when they don't get what they want (respect, good treatment, etc), they try to escalate and be even nicer. Which leads to additional disrespect and devalue. Little they know that if only they did a bit LESS, they'd be probably getting better results. It's a mind****, but it is what it is.

 

I agree very much with this. The problem is being nicer and nicer without boundaries. People can smell this from a distance and even people who genuinly like you (not the case of this girl) can get comfortable with this and value the "nice person" less. In my doormat times I experienced this a lot. But even I lost respect for people who were like this with me.

 

This girl knows the OP has feelings for her and that he doesn't mind being her "male girlfriend" to please her. She doesn't respect him and is selfish. That's why the OP needs have boundaries and distance himself from her instead of being nicer and nicer to the point of being her doormat.

[Hollyj]

My suggestion is that you tell this girl you have a crush on her and you can't control your emotions any longer. So you can't talk to her any more because your feelings for her are too strong and it is killing you. Please ask someone else for help because you can't accept your unrequited love for her. At the end of your conversation, she'll either go away, or she'll be your girlfriend.

 

They work together. It is not a good idea.

 

She has clearly shown with actions that she sees him like a girlfriend. He should simply fade out and be done with her. She does not respect him. At all!