overthinking?

[AleSommacal]

Is there someone else you would rather be dating????

 

not at the moment.

[IAmFCA]

Eh, they weren't really formal dates. Why not ask her out on a real date like this Friday or Saturday night and see what happens. You might be too casual about these meet up dates or she might have sensed you were just trying to get her to your apartment, especially if you told her you only live around the corner.

 

If we went on a date, and then you were like, hey lets go out after the gym, I might be a little put off. Not entirely, but just enough to not execute on a post-workout meet up. Why?

 

- I want to be able to go to the gym without having to treat it like a spring board for a date. I want my gym to be a safe place to go workout, and I don't want you to start acting like that is a shared space. We went on one date. I want to go back to my routine without interruption. Keep these boundaries separate.

- I want a real date. Why are you relying on the gym connection for date #2?

[reinventmyself]

If some guy suggested that we would see each other at the gym, I wouldnt take it very seriously.

 

If my primary reason for going to the gym is to work out, I'd consider seeing you there as a side benefit.

 

If something else came up I may pass on going because it's not the same as an agreement to spend time - with you.

 

'See you at the gym' is not a date.

 

I'm glad you asked her out. Keep us posted.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. Confirm the morning of and enjoy.

we've just scheduled for saturday night via text. I came up with a precise idea on where and what to do.

[AleSommacal]

Why are you relying on the gym connection for date #2?

 

I'm not :)

 

and we BOTH agreed to train together during first date

[AleSommacal]

! UPDATE N°2 !

 

there was no second date. She flaked 1h before it, telling me she had a dinner with her relatives.

I didn't freak out (I had a plan B for the night with my boys, so I decided to join them at the pub). She was apologetic.

Quoting: "I really want to see you. I'm trying to see you. I rarely date men..."; I then gave her a quick call, and she

kept asking what I'm planning for today (Sunday), suggesting we could return to our university town together, either

by car or by train. I agreed. Up to her now to organise the travel.

 

I feel like I'm being strung along by someone who's confused about herself and her rapport with the world.

 

No more from my part, though. Her turn now

[Wiseman2]

Ok, she's unreliable. It sounds like she has some sort of hometown bf and is arranging stupid things that she can hide, like commuting back to uni together. I would arrange my own travel and not leave anything up to her. At most tell her what train you're taking and if she shows up, she shows up. If not, there are probably plenty of girls to talk to on the train.

suggesting we could return to our university town together, either

by car or by train. I agreed. Up to her now to organise the travel.

[katrina1980]

 

there was no second date. She flaked 1h before it, telling me she had a dinner with her relauves.

 

I feel like I'm being strung along by someone who's confused about herself and her rapport with the world.

 

 

No you are being strung along by a woman who is not all that attracted to you or interested.

 

I mean she canceled one hour before the date because she had dinner with relatives?

 

With no offer to reschedule other than a car or train ride? Which you agreed to?

 

Come on OP, you seem like an experienced guy, you know better than this.

 

Repeating from earlier post:

 

 

..save your energy (and money) for women who don't behave so rudely and inconsiderately toward you and give you IOIs (indications of interest).

 

Edit: JMO but that's how guys end up with women who string them along, constantly break dates and basically behave like they don't give a *.

 

[AleSommacal]

No you are being strung along by a woman who is not all that attracted to you or interested.

 

you're right Katrina. You know, sometimes we create excuses and ignore big red flags because we like someone. Now, with your unbiased opinions, I can look at it from a more

objective point of view.

 

I took an early train today; she didn't even bother texting me. I won't contact her for sure.

Thank you all :)

[Sportster2005]

! UPDATE !

 

today she was walking the dog in the whereabouts of my apartment (we live 1.5km away) and asked to meet up before mine (and her) university lectures - say, a 10 minute meeting. So finally she has put some effort into seeing me.

We didn't agree on the next date, as we're both visiting our relatives in the same city during the weekend. I'm leaving today, she's leaving tomorrow.

 

When I said "Told her we could meet up" I had also suggested something to do (she has never been in a fancy part of my home town). However, I didn't say "on Saturday at 9pm", so she's probably thinking I'm coming on too vague.

Should I text her right away with a precise plan for the weekend?

 

I don't want to seem desperate or needy...

 

You're settling. Don't waste time on people that don't want you. Ten minutes before class isn't a date, and hardly qualifies for effort. If she wanted you, you would know.