Can your emotions change after your first kiss with someone?

[BenKenward]

A girl caught my eye a couple of months ago but we’ve only been talking about 1.5 months. I felt the normal emotions when talking to her liking her more and more until I found out we had a mutual friend who was having a party last week. I was at uni so being 18, I had had a few beers but was still fairly normal. Anyway so I took the opportunity, flirted we got on really well, and ended up kissing and I felt so good for a first kiss - we were talking about each other, complimenting and hinting to a relationship. However, I woke up the next morning I got my head into a spin worrying about my feelings towards her.

 

This is where I should mention I have a OCD and always overthink situations as a result of it, while also suffering from depression but it comes in episodes. (During all of this depressive episode came in of thought like if I died nobody would miss me etc) In addition, I developed a porn-issue as a unhealthy coping mechanism over the past few years of struggling with OCD leading desensitisation towards relationships the emotions that come with one.

 

My thoughts were running wild and thinking thought like maybe I should just cut thing off with her, or I don’t “feel” like I like her anymore, I’m not attracted to her anymore, thinking of all the thing that aren’t quite right between us, thinking and planning of ways to end things etc… And each day I see her around campus I talk to get and get a little nervous (like butterflies nervous) but not as much as before and after I talk to her and analyse all my feeling I begin to feel a bit more at ease but I’m confused 80% of the time and secure with how I feel 20%. This has been happening in cycles of thoughts of not liking her to analysing feelings after being around her and starting liking her again for the past week and I’ve try tackling it with ways a past therapist taught me to tackle my OCD. But can’t help feeling that maybe we’re just not right for each but I need to be sure so I don’t miss and opportunity of a relationship.

I’ve spoken to my sister as we’re quite close and she thinks it a combination of of a manifestation of my OCD and commitment issues but equally as possible my feeling have just changed. I still always doubt and it hard to deal with as I’ve been wanting a girlfriend for years and now this has happened!

[DanZee]

Wow. I think that until you can get your OCD, overthinking and depression under control, you really shouldn't be in a relationship. Continue to get therapy and take your meds and hopefully you can work towards having a healthy and productive relationship in the future.

[Wiseman2]

There's nothing to "end". Just don't ask her out if you had beer goggles and now aren't as attracted as you thought. If you decide you do like her, then you can ask her on a date.

I had had a few beers flirted we got on really well, and ended up kissing. I woke up the next morning I got my head into a spin worrying about my feelings towards her. planning of ways to end things etc.

[katrina1980]

I agree with your sister.

 

What you're feeling is exactly how those with commitment fears feel after initially flying high over someone, then after things escalate (kissing, having sex or it could be an intense emotional connection), their anxiety kicks in (in some cases sheer panic), brain spinning, suddenly finding faults, questioning is she/he the "right" one, looking for reasons why it could never work.

 

And yes it does result in your feelings changing, feeling turned off.

 

It's anxiety, it's fear!

 

Why it happens? I don't know, people experience these fears for different reasons.

 

There are hundreds of articles and books written on the subject, many many people struggle with these same issues/fears, more so today than ever before, which in many cases can leave the recipient of such behavior confused and hurt.

 

It's a tough issue to understand and conquer, so good luck.

[cupcakes]

I agree with your sister.

 

What you're feeling is exactly how those with commitment fears feel after initially flying high over someone, then after things escalate (kissing, having sex or it could be an intense emotional connection), their anxiety kicks in (in some cases sheer panic), brain spinning, suddenly finding faults, questioning is she/he the "right" one, looking for reasons why it could never work.

 

And yes it does result in your feelings changing, feeling turned off.

 

It's anxiety, it's fear!

 

Why it happens? I don't know, people experience these fears for different reasons.

 

There are hundreds of articles and books written on the subject, many many people struggle with these same issues/fears, more so today than ever before, which in many cases can leave the recipient of such behavior confused and hurt.

 

It's a tough issue to understand and conquer, so good luck.

 

Katrina, I would so love to understand more about all these emotional mechanisms. Especially how come it can go from attraction to turn off just because of fear, and how to heal the fear. I posted recently, I'd really appreciate it if you could take a look and share any insights.