Boyfriends job taking it's toll

[Kylie94]

I don't know if I'm being irriational, I'm just at a loss.

 

Backstory: I used to be his Assistant Manager there, it's how my boyfriend and I met. I loved the job but the manager herself is a massive bully, she has way of making people afraid of her and this caused most of the staff to suck up to her. She outright put my co-workers down and always had to Target someone and tear them down, even if everyone was doing their jobs properly she'd find a way to slag them off.

I'm ashamed to say that although I never really got involved with her antics I still more or less used to let her slag them off and never used to say anything at first. This didn't last though, eventually after watching her tear down people for no reason I started defending them which she really didn't like, after realizing I wasn't like her and one of the supervisors was just as y as her, I eventually became the target, they did everything in their power to push me out and belittle me and would play innocent and act like I was a fantasist when I tried to take it further.

I did realise that for my own sanity I needed to get out of there, and now have a lovely job elsewhere :)

 

Unfortunately though, after realizing that my boyfriend and I got together after I left, it has been nothing but issues. At first they tried to get him to end it with me, telling him he needs to watch himself with me, to be careful and making up lies saying that I've never been faithful in a relationship, this along with the gossiping amongst themselves saying things about our sex life and making up stories of arguments we apparently had which we never did.

 

When that didn't work they started targeting him, out casting him, refusing to speak to him, going on work outings and forgetting to invite him, basically the same stuff they did to me. Now I'm starting to get abuse from them even though I don't even work there anymore trying to cause trouble in our relationship, saying he's lying about the way he's treated (which I know they're making up as they did the exact same thing to me!) Telling me that the relationship doesn't sit right with them and saying "good luck, you're going to need it!". No matter how many I block, more appear.

 

All the people I defended against that bully has turned on me and are constantly trying to cause trouble, I shouldn't be hurt by this but I kind of am.

 

This is starting to take it's toll on our relationship, I have to see him come home every night more and more depressed and stressed out by them, there's a new issue everyday, it's causing us to fight, with me begging him to leave his job because he's so unhappy and badly treated and him telling me not to force him to give up a job when he hasn't found another job yet (he's been applying). I don't care about me I just can't keep seeing him like this, every issue causes me to feel more and more disconnected from him, I know I'm the one pushing away aswel, I know he needs me more than ever but it's soo hard and I feel so guilty.

 

I'm sorry this has turned into a story/rant! I need some advice, and can't talk to my friends/family as they're extremely judgemental and I don't want them thinking badly of him when he's done nothing wrong (thats the type of people they are unfortunately)

 

Am I selfish? How do I stop pushing away? What would you do? Any advice or just knowing someone is listening would be sooooooooooo helpful xx

[DanZee]

Well, I don't know why you're arguing with him. You told him your opinion. You said it. Just drop it. He has to decide for himself. Don't stir things up at home. That's what they want you to do. I quit two jobs when they burned me out. I took the advice of an advice columnist who said that life's too short to be in a job that's killing you. But like I said, he has to decide when to leave. Don't argue about it. Try to give him some emotional support. Things like this can make you closer. Instead you're choosing to drive him away. One way you can help is by looking for jobs for him. Try to make things easier for your boyfriend when he comes home. Do whatever he likes. Make him dinner. Take him out for drinks. Go out on a date. Cuddle up and watch Netflix. Whatever will make him happy. And be there to hear him talk. Don't keep begging him to leave his job. He already knows this. Be loving.

[MissCanuck]

First, do not respond to anyone from your former workplace who contacts you. If they continue to bother you, start keeping a record of their unwanted contact in case you decide to report it later. If they keep it up, I would seriously consider doing so once your boyfriend has left and found a new job. It's ludicrous that they're this insistent on harassing you.

 

Second, don't make the problem worse by begging him to leave the job and fighting about it. It isn't getting you anywhere, as you can see, and it's creating conflict between the two of you. Be supportive of his efforts to find new employment but don't continue to insist. See what he does when you're not getting on him about it.

 

Third, how are you finding out what exactly these people are saying about you? If it's your boyfriend who's telling you, ask him to please stop. There's no point in continuing to report back to you about their gossip and attempts to break you up. He needs to be careful not to fuel the fire by arguing with them about it, too. It's highly inappropriate that your relationship and your sex life is even a topic of conversation in the workplace. If they see he's not going to talk about it, they will likely start to get bored with it and find a new hobby.

 

Fourth, where the heck do these people work?! It is such juvenile high-school drama with zero HR department. I cannot imagine why they are so preoccupied with your life.

[Wiseman2]

You left which was wise. Now completely go through All your social media and messaging apps. Make sure each and everyone still working there is deleted and blocked. Reset your all privacy settings and delete them from all contact lists.

 

His remaining there is his choice and his battle. Stay out of it. Do not let him dump on you and stop discussing that place and living in the past injecting your own sentiments on top of it.

 

He's right. Stay out of it and yes he has to find a new job first not just panic and quit because you hate these people.

I'm starting to get abuse from them even though I don't even work there anymore. No matter how many I block, more appear. there's a new issue everyday, it's causing us to fight, with me begging him to leave his job because he's so unhappy and badly treated and him telling me not to force him to give up a job when he hasn't found another job yet

[DancingFool]

Well.....there are really two separate issues going on here.

 

The first is that I hope you are taking a solid lesson from this to never ever play a hero and tango with psychos to defend others. It will never work, people will play their own games and politics and yes, turn on you if that makes their life better. Either you can stay neutral, do your job, collect your paycheck and go home or you it's too miserable and you simply leave for a better job. What you don't ever want to do is get involved on any personal level outside of basic civilities and surface politeness. In short, don't look to be pals with your co-workers, especially when you are dealing with a cesspool.

 

Second is read, reread and print it out and stick to the fridge DanZee's advice. Stop fighting with your bf over where he works. He is right not to quit a job when he doesn't have a new one lined up. Also, he is a grown man and however he chooses to handle this is on him so do both of you a favor, respect that and step out of this topic. Instead of begging and fighting, make his life easier by doing nice fun things together. Relieve stress instead of adding to it. Be the gf he is looking forward to come home to after dealing with these psychos instead of the gf he is going to have to argue with too. He is getting enough drama at work, so really, don't add anymore at home. All you are doing is playing right into the psycho's games.