Normal to act that way in relationship?

[SimplyUser]

Long story, please bear with me.

 

SO and i been together for almost 4 year long distance relationship. Knew each other online and met in person after 2 years of dating (online) . Used to skype call often but not much since we met. Spent just 1 month in person together since we dated.

 

We've planned to visit for quite a while but didnt have much money to do so until i worked at other country and earned enough to buy a ticket for him to come here for a visit. He came here because it's visa free for him to come here. I paid for the tickets (which i dont mind and he at first insisted not to do that) because he doesnt get paid much and sometimes only get few hours work in a week. SO stayed with the guy who adopted him until 25 and asked SO to move out. He once stayed at shelter and at the same time looked for jobs. He now has a bit of saving, got a room for himself, got a job but sometimes only few hours work in a week.

 

He cheated on me (i forgave him and never mentioned it since then) because i didnt offer much sexual affection. I was a virgin with no any sexual experience before, not much kisses and not to mention other sexual acts more than kisses. I started to explore more when i date him. We would have skype sex or pics but most of the time its because he asked. I mentioned from the beginning i never like doing all of these through cam-which makes me feel uncomfortable and feel like doing it by my own.

 

Then i cheated but not for revenge. It's because the guy i cheated with was near me and i felt the urge to try sex. And the worst i got pregnant(my mistake which i took the blame and regret till now). He forgave me and planned to meet few months later. We(I) planned to stay at my parents' house for 2 months and 1 months travelling to other places when he was here for 3months. (mentioned 'I planned' its because i asked him about any plan when he came here, he would say 'as long as he's with me' so i thought we could save some money by staying at my parents). My parents dont like us being together. My parents are quite conservative asians. SO is black and i think my parents are being racist. Because of some argument, we decided that SO to go back home after just 1 month at my country.

 

And since i cheated him, i showed less sexual affection/desire than before because i feel guilty and bad of my mistake. I feel disgusted by myself. He would comfort me and praise me to make me feel better.

 

However, he would bring up me cheated on him incident when we fight - which i admit it was my mistake, and i still feel down whenever he mentioned it. Also he said im not brave enough to move to his country. But my reason is he's not financially stable to support himself or me if i couldnt get a job yet at his country. My plan is to get a work visa for myself to stay there but im not good enough yet to make the move. I make decent salary but not much still. We constantly fight about these things and few times we tried to break up but he would ask me to stay and we still love each other. We still try to fix us. He's a caring and sweet guy.

 

Is it a normal pathway in a relationship to go through? As in few obstacles in between. I could use some advice if is it wrong that i think breaking up is a better way for us? Any advices that we could do to fix the relationship?

 

Thanks in advance.

[DanZee]

No this isn't normal. You've been wasting your time with this guy. You've been caught up in an unrealistic online romance and you've held back your own emotional development waiting for him. You should have been out having fun, going on dates, falling in love. Instead you've gotten all emotional about a guy that doesn't have a job and has a lot of free time on his hands to sext you. And a lot of these guys also have other girls they're doing this with. And probably girls back home as well. They're looking for girls online who will pay for tickets and buy them things. Girls who will get them visa to get out of their country. And he got to take your virginity too!

 

And if that's not enough, "we constantly fight about these things." That's a bad sign for a relationship. He emotionally abuses you by throwing out how you "cheated" in your face, while he did the same (that you know of) and is trying to control and manipulate you.

 

You know there's something wrong with this relationship. That's why you're writing here. You're setting yourself up for more heartbreak. If you get him to your country, he'll be gone in a few months leaving you will all the bills.

 

You've already figured out the answer. Block this guy, stop contacting him, delete him, erase him. Save yourself and your sanity. Dump this guy so you can heal and emotionally grow. This is a toxic relationship. It's not real. He's only taking advantage of you.

 

You're a girl who needs love. And you searched for it on the Internet. But unless you find someone local, reaching out to people in other countries only brings misery. Your parents know this is not good for you, but you wouldn't listen to them.

 

Dump this guy, block him and start healing. Find someone who will love you for you and not be trying to get you to do things for him.

[MissCanuck]

Your relationship is pretty much the opposite of what would be considered normal, OP. So no, nothing about this is normal.

 

What you describe as "obstacles" would be deal-breakers for most: him cheating, you cheating, a pregnancy with someone else, him living on the other side of the world with no real sustainable income..surely I don't need to go on. Also, he is manipulative. Claiming you're not brave enough to move to him is ridiculous and tells me he has no clue what exactly is involved in immigrating and changing your life like that (and I have done so myself). He thinks that by being passive-aggressive you'll concede and do what he wants, just to prove him wrong.

 

Essentially, you're setting yourself up for disaster if you continue with him. This is not what healthy and long-lasting relationships look like. Don't waste any more time with him.

[catfeeder]

2 years of dating (online) .

 

Nope, nothing normal about living a relationship in your head. Anything that shakes out from that is not only abnormal, it's not anywhere near healthy.