Resenting bc he's too comfortable and I don't like . Please help. Desperate.

[rchubn]

Basically my boyfriend is getting way too comfortable in our relationship. We've had our fair share of issues but we've always resolved them and we've never had a break up last longer that an hour.

 

Lately I feel like he's been taking me for granted. I know he still wants me but I feel like he's saying anything he wants to be regardless my feelings mainly because he knows we'll get back together. I don't want to break up but I want him to realize what he's missing and I want to somehow remind him about my place in his life. I don't know if I should take it as him not being into the relationship anymore or him getting extremely comfortable.

 

 

Any advice helps

[Wiseman2]

How long have you been dating? Do you live together? In what ways is he taking you for granted? Chronic arguments and breakups are not helping this. It sounds like the relationship in fraught with conflict and is deteriorating.

 

Picking fights and using breakups to teach him a lesson or "make him miss you", just adds to the instability and conflict and estrangement/withdrawal. Also if you are just in this for fear of being alone or not finding something else, that adds to the contempt and resentment.

I don't want to tell him because I feel embarrassed that I even found it but it's making me act out, I pick fights, I'm dieting like crazy because I'm insecure about my own body now, I cringe everytime I kiss him and so much more. "if I stayed at work that day and didn't go home and edit photos during my sick leave, we'd be perfect, I'd live in ignorance but I'd live in security." Im also too scared to walk away because I'm worried that I won't find someone else.

[moodindigo91]

I don't want to break up but I want him to realize what he's missing and I want to somehow remind him about my place in his life.

 

Well, to be honest, you should not have to force someone to realize "what they're missing" if you were to not be around anymore... he knows exactly what his life was life before you and he knows exactly the impact you've made on his life... maybe he just doesn't see things the way you see them? Bottom line is you can't force someone to love you, miss you, want you, treat you well. If they aren't treating you the way you think you ought to be treated, you should leave that relationship because you will NOT change him. I spent 6 years of my life trying to change someone, I even did leave him, he came back to me seemingly a changed man, I took him back and after about 6 months he reverted back to his old ways.

 

Leave him and find someone else. Worrying you won't find someone else is a bad reason to stay in an unhappy relationship, and it's also an irrational fear. Sounds like you need to work on your self-esteem as well. You seem to claim a certain amount of worth to your boyfriend but perhaps your actions and words don't convey that.

[DanZee]

Yeah, you're dropping hints that this relationship might be over. If he's insulting you and picking fights with you, he's showing contempt for you. It's how emotional abuse starts. And if the fights are serious enough that you actually break up (even if only for an hour), the relationship has serious problems. You don't need to put up with this. There's lots of nice guys out there. Go find one and delete this guy from your life.

[Chai]

Also, you risk getting into a toxic relationship cycle, where you are constantly going around a loop from break up to make up, which is addictive and can be so incredibly damaging to your emotional health.

 

I agree with @brienoch - you can never change people. If you can both do the work on your relationship and resolve your issues then great. Otherwise, let him go. It sounds one-sided anyway, and that is never any fun.

[Amalia13]

He is supposed to be comfortable.