abitbroken Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Thanks that really does make sense 👍 I already sent one text just saying that if he wanted to chat I’m here but respecting that he wants to be alone 😕 I won’t text again though that will be hard as I’m feeling miserable at the moment .ill try and keep myself busy 😊 Good - don't text again. And if he sends meaningless texts like sending a meme or "hi" - don't respond. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I'll admit that I have dumped guys over being "too busy". I put it in quotes because it wasn't really that. He might have been a great guy, we might have had a good time together, but he just wasn't it for me. For whatever reason, when the proverbial poo hit the fan, they felt more like a burden than a support and that's probably just because I simply wasn't all that into them. They were just good for now kind of guys. When I have had LTR's, I wasn't any less busy, but that sure wasn't a reason to break up. It just felt different. So that's why I keep advocating for you to move on, OP. Nothing wrong with you and no doubt you had a great time with him. I just suspect that he probably ended things because some intangible "it" factor was lacking for him and that has little to do with how much he has going on. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 He did tell me he had all of this stress going on and was too much to cope with I know that to be true as I e been seeing him go through it ..I dont think I’m lying to myself I just have to accept that he’s not in a good place at the moment and respect his wishes if he wants to contact me he will no doubt Link to comment
SGH Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 He did tell me he had all of this stress going on and was too much to cope with I know that to be true as I e been seeing him go through it ..I dont think I’m lying to myself I just have to accept that he’s not in a good place at the moment and respect his wishes if he wants to contact me he will no doubt Stress or no, just please don't wait for him. People don't end relationships because they're happy or think they are going to return to them. Focus on getting over him. If he comes back before you are over him, you can assess at that point if he's worth being with, but the waiting game is always a losing game. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 OP, he knows you're "there". No need to remind him. Resist the urge to keep contacting out of fear he'll "forget about " you. Just don't do it. Like I said earlier, all that will do is remind him why he broke up with you. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 Oh I am resisting and it’s not easy but I will do it 😊 Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 I was really wondering if anybody else at had similar experience though of their partner finishing things whilst under big stress or feeling depression like I said this is I’m sure how he is feeling right now but in a couple of months he will be recovered and back at work do you think he might then think again ? He’s always been such a happy easygoing Guy this has just thrown him Not me, mine left for someone she was already seeing and had locked in. I would have preferred she did it for your X's reasons. Reading your recent posts, you seem worried that by going no contact he'll forget about you. I don't recommend anyone spend a lot of time watching the youtube gurus who are there to take your money, but both "Dating Guy" and Rory at "theLovechat" have some very good videos that tell you why he won't forget about you. They also both have good videos on why the 21 or 30 day NC periods are a nonsense. NC from you means NC from you in their direction forever. If he wants you back, hell get in touch. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 Thanks for that I’ll take a look 😊 Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 So last night got a text from him letting me know he was back at a and e because his foot looked like being infected ... I didn’t respond until this morning and said hoped all ok and to let me know how he got on he rung me later on today and let me know what had happened..I didn’t mention anything about us and said glad to hear all was ok and he knew where I was if he needed anything ...I found it strange that two days after finishing things with me he would text and then ring..,maybe he is missing me after all?? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 So last night got a text from him letting me know he was back at a and e because his foot looked like being infected ... I didn’t respond until this morning and said hoped all ok and to let me know how he got on he rung me later on today and let me know what had happened..I didn’t mention anything about us and said glad to hear all was ok and he knew where I was if he needed anything ...I found it strange that two days after finishing things with me he would text and then ring..,maybe he is missing me after all?? I think you made a minor mistake here. I would have just said "sorry to hear that. I am sure you will be on the mend soon" if at all - no reminder that you are "here if he needs anything" or "let me know how you get on". You are basically telling him that you will give him everything he wants -- no relationship, but someone to be his phone friend or nurse when he needs one. I would not "be there" for him. He knows he has you on a string. The only thing going forward you should really respond to is "i made a mistake. i realized that i was just scared, and i want you back so much". Do not feed his need to want to tell people about his medical conditions. He has family members, buddies, etc, for that. If not, he will make some. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 I think you made a minor mistake here. I would have just said "sorry to hear that. I am sure you will be on the mend soon" if at all - no reminder that you are "here if he needs anything" or "let me know how you get on". You are basically telling him that you will give him everything he wants -- no relationship, but someone to be his phone friend or nurse when he needs one. I would not "be there" for him. He knows he has you on a string. The only thing going forward you should really respond to is "i made a mistake. i realized that i was just scared, and i want you back so much". Do not feed his need to want to tell people about his medical conditions. He has family members, buddies, etc, for that. If not, he will make some. Hmmm that makes sense I guess that’s just my nature but I understand what you are saying ..I suppose I didn’t expect to hear from him so soon if at all so I wondered if he might be regretting it already and realizing what he has done ? Do you think that could be true? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 No, he's figuring (since you told him so) that he can contact you anytime he wants for support or sympathy without having to be in a relationship with you. He can get what he wants without having to give you anything. Win/win for him. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 No, he's figuring (since you told him so) that he can contact you anytime he wants for support or sympathy without having to be in a relationship with you. He can get what he wants without having to give you anything. Win/win for him. exactly. An emotional booty call. He broke up with you, so don't "be there" --- accept the breakup. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I agree with the above posts. Don't respond to breadcrumbs at all. This is not as I read it a new problem, and it is being dealt with by medical professionals. Not your problem. Give him the gift of missing you. A few days is not long enough. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 I am not texting him again now if he does decide to reach out then we will see..🤔 Link to comment
kylejay1000 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 HI first off im sorry you are going through this. Ill get right to the point. When someone leaves you, there is nothing you can do to convince them to stay. They changed the dynamic of your relationship and you need to back away (NO CONTACT) . There is no magic formula but NO CONTACT will put you in the best position to get them back. They will start thinking of you more and more especially if you respect their space. Start working on yourself and all the things you love doing and he will eventually want to reach out to you. Im not saying its going to happen for sure, but ive seen it happen more often than not. 1. NO contact 2. Work on yourself 3. Hang out with people that love you and that you love. ( people who support you) 4 Start doing all the fun things you've always wanted to do. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Thankyou I’m hoping that he will reach out to me but it’s just a horrible feeling right now 😕 Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Thankyou I’m hoping that he will reach out to me but it’s just a horrible feeling right now 😕 Actually - that's what he is counting on -- that you are waiting anxiously by the phone. No contact works both ways - its not just about NOT contacting him, its not sitting by the phone waiting for him so that you have permission to respond. When he contacts you - if its just a "hi" - totally ignore it. If he starts texting about his condition or wanting to go to a movie, depending on what he says ask him "since you broke up with me, its best that you don't contact me." then after the conversation, don't respond to him again. The only thing you should respond to is if a month or two down the line he says "i made a big mistake. I want your back. I said i didn't want to be in a relationship, but i was just scared that i wouldn't be able to give you a good one because i am laid up". Then MAYBE respond if you aren't seeing anyone. If he tells you tomorrow that he made a mistake, i would still keep my distance for a little bit. Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Actually - that's what he is counting on -- that you are waiting anxiously by the phone. No contact works both ways - its not just about NOT contacting him, its not sitting by the phone waiting for him so that you have permission to respond. When he contacts you - if its just a "hi" - totally ignore it. If he starts texting about his condition or wanting to go to a movie, depending on what he says ask him "since you broke up with me, its best that you don't contact me." then after the conversation, don't respond to him again. The only thing you should respond to is if a month or two down the line he says "i made a big mistake. I want your back. I said i didn't want to be in a relationship, but i was just scared that i wouldn't be able to give you a good one because i am laid up". Then MAYBE respond if you aren't seeing anyone. If he tells you tomorrow that he made a mistake, i would still keep my distance for a little bit. I understand what you’re saying and yet I am feeling bad for not txting to see how he is because I know he’s struggling to get simple things done ..for anybody whose thinking I’m just stupid because he’s told me we can’t go on I know that I also know that his pride won’t let him ask anybody at all for help 🙄..guess there is nothing I can do about that though ..wish I didn’t worry about others so much Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I understand what you’re saying and yet I am feeling bad for not txting to see how he is because I know he’s struggling to get simple things done ..for anybody whose thinking I’m just stupid because he’s told me we can’t go on I know that I also know that his pride won’t let him ask anybody at all for help 🙄..guess there is nothing I can do about that though ..wish I didn’t worry about others so much He has parents, siblings, buddies, etc, and neighbors. If he is a member of a church or fraternal club or hobby club sometimes there are people willing to come run errands for someone who is temporarily unable. His pride is fine. If he really needs help, he will call 911 or figure it out. Somehow, before he met you, he managed to survive. He will survive again. Do not text to see how he is. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Why do you feel responsible for and maternal toward a grown adult? Was he able to handle everyday life before he met you? Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Why do you feel responsible for and maternal toward a grown adult? Was he able to handle everyday life before he met you? I’m not feeling maternal towards him he was absolute capable of everything before he had this accident I have helped him through he is struggling to do everyday things right now plus trying to run a business ..he lives alone and all of his family lives away he won’t ask friends to help because he hates having too he’s always been very independent..this situation has floored him😕 Link to comment
Jeantine1 Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Lol you're like me, I won't turn my back when someone may/does need me but honestly you have to step back. He will figure things out. It's great your heart is so beautiful but you need to look out for yourself first. Thankyou and I agree it’s hard when you care so much for others and my heart is in the right place 😊 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 You can have a good heart and still refuse to be used for comfort and attention. Why should he get all the benefits of a relationship with you with not actually having to be IN a relationship with you? I mean, that's just not nice. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.