Told her she was dead to me....

[smallworld]

Wow Farewellnote! From your earlier comments I was really concerned by how isolated you seemed to be. I'm impressed with your progress! (Inviting work friends over and seeking out professional help.) It's very encouraging to hear that you're choosing to take care of yourself and trying to have fun.

 

No I don't have any idea what LPC means. Google it. It's good to occupy your mind with meaningless tasks when you're trying to get over a problem. My drug of choice is playing Sims.

 

As for Abi and her texts, human beings aren't logical. They're selfish. They want their cake (friends with homework benefits) and they want their ice cream (other guys) too.

 

You don't have to make any decisions about her today, but just recognize that every time you contact her, you're voluntarily choosing to give her one more opportunity to hurt you. Short of amnesia, she'll never forget you. You helped her survive college and have been a good friend to her. You've loved her at great cost to yourself. The surest way to sear yourself into her brain is to stand up for yourself and tell her she can't have you unless she gives up the other guys, and then mean it. Walk away and don't look back. Let her go crazy for a change. Let her feel what it's like to not have you in her life. If she doesn't come back (and doesn't give up the guys), then you'll know you gave it your best shot and it wasn't meant to be.

 

BTW - Counselors are like any other profession. You'll get much more out of the experience if you like and feel comfortable with the person counseling you. Decide if you'd feel more comfortable working with a man or a woman and request it. It's okay to interview several before you commit to one. If in any way you feel that the counselor is cold or uncaring, keep looking for someone who better fits your needs. Since you're seeking out help with a relationship issue, it probably won't take you more than 6-8 sessions. Heck at the rate you're going, you'll probably only need half that. Good luck!

[archiphile]

"It's okay to interview several before you commit to one. If in any way you feel that the counselor is cold or uncaring, keep looking for someone who better fits your needs."- smallworld-

 

 

A bit of advice; Do not confuse "cold or uncarring" w/ not tellimg you what you wnt ot hear. Make sure that the LPC that you choose willnot let fall into old patterns of behavior. Make sure that this is absolutly clear from the beginning. It is extramly important that you make this clear from the very start! You must take a proactive approch to your own mental health.

 

Some examples of working proactively; Change your phone number(s)

take her OFF of your contacts list on all of your e-mail accounts. Have your address unlisted. Make it clear to her that you do not wish to speak to hear anymore. If necessary file for a restraining order. This will give you aleg to stand on w/ the courts if things turn violent. (not saying that they will) But some ppl do this inorder to retain control of the other person.

 

These are of course only suggestions. The ball is in your court. Only you can change the way your life is going. You must make a commitment to move forward whatever the cost.

 

You must realize that you know yourself better that anyone else!

[thefarewellnote]

Thanks smallworld and archipile for the comments. It was a great weekend hanging out with friends, but times my mind would lapse into thinking of her. Yesterday (Sunday) was a very bad day for me. I couldn't accomplish anything. She texted me while at the Phoniex airport to see how I was (on her way home from her trip to see the guy she meet on the cruise) I replied and said "Good" asked her about her weekend and all. I tried so hard not to think about asking her if she hooked up with that guy. I gave in though. I asked. SHe replied "It is none of your business if I did or didn't." I responded by saying "then I assume you did" She then goes into telling me that "Maybe something happened but maybe something didn't". AND YOU KNOW WHAT!! I DON'T CARE! if she did. I then told her that I had plans with another girl on Thursday...I assume she got mad cause she quit texting me after that. OH WELL!

 

I am going to call tomorrow and try to get into LPC soon. I think it would be great. My childhood was really screwed up and it lead to me being really depressed and putting walls up all around me for the longest time. And now my ex girlfrind (another one) is taking full custody of my son who is 5, and the love of my life leaving me. It is a tough time and I hope it will help! I think i want to talk to a female LPC cause females always seem more caring...just scared about opening up to a stranger face to face.

 

Has anyone else been to a therapist? Is it hard to open up to them.

 

thanks again for the support...it means the world to me guys! I wish i could thank you all personally!

[thefarewellnote]

I just found this over at Google for what a LPC is:

 

A Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) is a mental health professional trained in psychotherapy and family systems therapy. The State of Georgia requires an LPC to complete a master's degree from an accredited college or university and 4 years of supervised training as a full-time counselor. The LPC designation indicates that the counselor has a state license.

 

LPC's work with a wide range of clinical problems that are psychologically and emotionally based. These problems can include depression, anxiety, grief, phobias, neuroses and personality disorders.

 

 

Do you think I should see one of these guys or a striaght up therapist?

[smallworld]

By "straight up therapist" I assume you mean a psychologist (PhD) or a psychiatrist (medical doctor). Most likely you won't see a psychiatrist, because they primarily prescribe pills ($$) and leave the talking therapy to the psychologists or LPCs.

 

My first therapist was a male psychotherapist and my second was a female LPC (Masters in Social Work). To be honest their degrees weren't so important as the rapport between us and how comfortable I felt spilling my guts.

 

I preferred the LPC based on how she ran things, but to this day I don't know if their differences in style were due to training or personality. With the psychotherapist, I did all the talking. And on cue like a sitcom therapist, he'd ask me "How do you feel about that?" If I got quiet, he'd ask me why I got quiet and analyze that. He never told he me what he thought and that drove me nuts. Ironically I did feel better, but that could have been the placebo effect of just being heard. One day he broached a sexual topic, and I thought "Um... you're a male and I'm never going to talk to you about that." Right then, I realized I'd only get so far with this guy, because I'd never be comfortable telling him everything.

 

With the female LPC, I actually got most of my issues out on the table and there was a lot of back and forth going on. Our first session she asked me what I wanted out of the experience and we created a list of goals. She had a more practical common sense approach to therapy and because I was there regarding a relationship issue we didn't waste any time on imaginary Freudian issues. She'd tell me what she thought, but she never told me what to do, because her goal was to make me emotionally self-reliant. She'd draw examples from her life and other patient's lives to show me different ways of dealing with the same problem and to teach me healthier ways of interacting with others and thinking through my problems. The rest was up to me.

 

It was a great experience and I'm a lot better person for it. I hope you'll find it immeasurably rewarding too.

 

OK here's a meaningless task- No matter what you do in the next 5 minutes, do NOT think of a purple elephant. Time's up! What's the first image that popped into your mind? Where in your life are you guilty of thinking of a "purple elephant?"

 

No two thoughts can occupy the same place at the same time. If you don't want to think about purple elephants anymore, think about green baboons or blue giraffes. Volunteer. Perpetrate random acts of kindness. Plan elaborate pranks on friends, then do them. Do anything, but wallow. Purple elephants despite that.