When do you tell someone

[Creamybutter]

About your divorce or kids?

 

What if you've been in touch for a few months and met 5-6 times and then find out that your date is divorced and or has kids

 

How would that make you feel?

[DanZee]

Well, did you ask about their marital status on the first date? Then you wouldn't have been surprised on the 6th date.

[maew]

I usually ask whether they were married or have any kids right away... I’m also in my 40s and it’s common for there to be an ex and kids in the picture.

[WaywardKiwi]

Hi Creamybutter,

 

For me (35 years, male, single), I would expect kids to come up in conversation at some point pretty early on, largely because I expect them to be a big part of someone's life, and by extension my life if I continue dating that person. I would probably be a bit of a shock after 2 months (although I wouldn't necessarily expect the reverse at that stage - i.e. to meet the kids, or even be mentioned to anyone on that side of the equation). I imagine that would also involve some discussion of the co-parent, and by extension the previous relationship, but honestly, I kinda feel that it's only relevant insofar as it will effect me or the relationship (messy divorce, custody arrangements, joint assets, etc. etc.)

 

If it's just a divorce - again, only relevant insofar as it continues to effect their life or our relationship. If it's all done and dusted, and there is no emotional baggage, I guess if I found out 5-6 years down the track I might be a bit surprised, but even then I wouldn't be mad or upset about it.

 

Just me,

 

T

[Cope]

About your divorce or kids?

 

What if you've been in touch for a few months and met 5-6 times and then find out that your date is divorced and or has kids

 

How would that make you feel?

 

 

I try to find out right away. If i was to be talking to someone for so long and found out then... I would feel lied to and would most likely move on.

 

Why would someone hide it for so long?

Is it shame? Chances to get laid increase? I don't get it. It's part of one's life, they have to own it. And kids?! If I was with someone who had kids and never mentioned them at all, wow, does he even have feelings for them? Far fetch, but you get what I'm saying.

[Wiseman2]

Hiding basics like that means he just wants a good time with no hassles. It would be best to cut your losses with this guy. Combined with stalling to meet, he may be hiding more than you think.

Finally on the 4th date he spilled the beans about his ex wife and divorce and told me he likes me which is why he thought he had to tell me now. Then when I ask him what he's looking for, he says he does not know. That he just wants to be with someone he gets along with and then see how it progresses from.there.