I worry a lot about losing contact with someone

[WorkSux56]

Late last year, something happened that I never thought would happen in a million years. I met and became very close with someone via Facebook of all places. I never viewed online friends as the same as real life friends. I would hear of people meeting and knowing each other through social media and I would shake my head. But my how things change. I met someone via Facebook who has become a VERY close friend. We have never seen one another in person. We talk via messenger mostly and have had a few phone conversations. While we hope to possibly meet in person one day, we are not getting our hopes up because it does not look doable, at least for the foreseeable future. We live 800 miles apart and travel is expensive. And it's only going to get higher as time goes on. Just for kicks, I priced what it would cost to go see her for a weekend and the price tag just blew me away. But, fortunately, with technology being what it is, we can talk very regularly, so we are both very thankful for that. I care very much about this person and vice versa. I would not trade having met her for anything in the world. Our talks are amazing and always put me in a great mood. I consider her one of the best friends I have ever had. And this is coming from someone who laughed at the idea of meeting and knowing someone online. However, as wonderful as our friendship is, I can't help but think that it is not going to last. I feel like there is this dark cloud hanging over it. I don't know why I feel this way. I suppose it is because of the online only aspect. I even expressed this to her recently when we talked. She told me that I had nothing to worry about because she wasn't going anywhere. She said that I would have to go and do something really really messed up for her to cease having anything to do with me. I believe her to an extent, but still, I have this unshakable feeling that it will end and end soon. Online friendships are just so...unpredictable. It feels like an online friendship is only as good as the last chat on messenger. If that makes any sense. Plus, with knowing someone just online, you never know when they may just up and leave. Close their Facebook account, or even just stop fooling with it altogether. Too many unknown variables. We actually have multiple ways to contact one another. But, that does little, if anything, to quell my worries. So, am I just overthinking this? Am worrying myself over nothing? Or should I just enjoy the ride now, and not concern myself so much about what happens later? I feel like the worry is keeping me from enjoying the friendship. Making new friends is not supposed to stress you out. Any thoughts?

[rosephase]

Attachment opens yourself up for hurt. Love, friendship, mentor... anytime you feel a close connection with someone you have to deal with the reality that someday they might not be there. In real life friend... or over the internet.

 

Attachment is scary for a lot of people because of that. But being worried about it doesn't change the situation... so I would deal with your anxiety around it the way I would deal with any anxiety. Remind myself the pre-worrying doesn't help anything. Keep focus on the present and don't allow myself to spend a lot of time horror fantasizing about the "what if's".

[melancholy123]

I have several facebook friends that I've known for 15-20 years! I've been to their homes, they've been to mine. One person is in Canada, as am I, the other is in England. We email, we use whatsapp, we phone. Both are like the older siblings I never had.

 

I do think you are overthinking this and I doubt you want your negativity to become a self fulfilling prophecy down the road. Enjoy your friend! Talk to them as often as works for both of you. 800 mile trip for just a weekend would not be money well spent. Could you both meet half way somewhere for several days if the cost was better?

[WorkSux56]

Thank you so much for the replies. It have got to deal with my anxiety. It is absolutely flooring me. Also, I have to just take it a day at a time with this. I need to be well aware of the fact that there simply are no guarantees in life, while also not letting fear and the "what ifs" cloud my thinking. Melancholy123, you hit the nail right on the head. As the saying goes, you have what you say, and if I continue to hand wring over this, then one day it may very well come to fruition. Thank you so very much. I am feeling better about the situation. And thank you as well rosephase. Your last sentence sums it up prefectly.

[melancholy123]

If you are plagued badly by anxiety then you owe it to yourself to get some help to learn how to get past it so it doesnt ruin your life.

[Hollyj]

How are you dealing with your anxiety? Have you tried any meds?

 

Why don't you meet halfway?

[catfeeder]

Are you fantasizing about becoming lovers with this woman?

 

How is your social life beyond this one person?

[WorkSux56]

If you are plagued badly by anxiety then you owe it to yourself to get some help to learn how to get past it so it doesnt ruin your life.

 

Yes. I am very plagued by anxiety. And it has only gotten worse here recently. I had a severe anxiety attack just a few hours ago when my online friend was not on messenger. I got really panic stricken because this is just not like her. We usually tentatively set up a time when we will talk on messenger. It’s real hit or miss on whether or not it actually lines up. But, if the time that we (tentatively) set turns out to not be a good time for one of us, then one of us will text the other so that nobody is left wondering what happened. For instance, she will send a quick message saying “hey. Sorry, but it looks like I will be out tonight, so let’s try and shoot for either tomorrow night or the night after”. But, this time, she sent nothing and in fact, has not been active on messenger since we last talked, which was two days ago. I am just hoping that she is okay. Anyway, something like this should not cause me such panic. There most certainly is a reason that she has not been active for a couple of days, and she is, in all likelihood, fine. It’s my mind that shoots to the worst case scenario. So, bottom line, yes, I need help in the worst way.