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  1. I don't know how it happened. How I became so addicted to words on a screen. The funny part is, a few years ago, I saw someone go bananas over someone who they had been chatting with online who just up and disappeared one day. They even made a second account and searched for their former online friend's account, just to see if they had been blocked. When they could not find them with the other account, they just fell apart and said "why?? Why did she just shut down her account like that?". And my reaction was "dude...it was someone you met on social media for crying out loud!". And yet, a couple of years later, I end up doing the same thing. For a year and a half, I was hooked on this "friendship". I can remember when I first sensed that she was pretty much done with me. It was a year ago. She made up her mind to cut ties with me then, but held off on actually doing it. She kept me around, out of pity, probably. And then eventually, even that expired. How pathetic have I become. Rehab is a good word. A complete and total rehab and rebuild is on the horizon for me You bring up an excellent point. I either would not date me at all, or I would tell me that attempting to live life online had to cease, because it was a deal breaker.
  2. Bingo! As a matter of fact, someone gave me something to ponder. Of course, when they said it, I just shrugged it off, but on the inside, I was like "yikes! They are right!". They told me "dude, you jump up and down and can't wait to spend an evening on your couch, chatting it up with someone online. And yet, you aren't even an afterthought to them. Don't think for one second that they are just like you, staying in all the time, living off of chats. No. They have lives. Actual lives. While you do not". It's sad how I have let that happen.
  3. You are probably on to something. In retrospect, I believe that there was someone in her life (possibly even a husband, for all I knew) and he gave her an ultimatum. I think that she knew pretty far in advance that she was cutting ties with me and she didn't want me to suspect it because she knew how sensitive I could be. So she just played it cool and made me think everything was peachy. That is why she made sure to send me a recipe through a PM the day before. So that I would not see the unfriending coming. But, yes, I think that there was a man in the picture. Definitely there towards the end, if not all along.
  4. I am the very picture of someone with no life. To that end, I am pathetic. In fact, one time when I was wrapping up a chat with my now former online friend, a relative asked me "don't you have like, a life of your own?" and I replied "I do not". I probably shouldn't be laughing about it. Another time when I was explaining my online friendship/romance (with that woman) they asked "so...is she...your future?" and I said "yes". Looking back, that was a ridiculous expectation. What in the world did I think was going to come of it? My social life (or lack thereof) was on a screen. For a year and a half. Now I am actually laughing at some of our old chats. Like how I would ask her "please don't unfriend and/or block me". And asking her "do you promise?" LOL! How sad. Trying to hold a grown adult (online no less) to some kind of promise. It's past time to do something different. Actually, that is an understatement. Interestingly enough, I have come across an old friend on Facebook that I once knew in real life years ago. I'll message them some, but I want it to lead to some actual in person time in the not too distant future. Going forward, there HAS to be more to my life than just "knowing" someone via social media and chat apps.
  5. It's been a roller coaster ride for sure. I tortured myself by going back and looking at some of our old chats. And I found myself getting emotional because I was thinking how those chats were from back in happier times. I just don't get why she did this. Especially the cold, backstabbing way she did it. The way she talked to me the day before like everything was fine and then the next day, she was just gone. It's like the last year and a half meant nothing to her. I had someone tell me that I'm in the worst of the pain now and then it gets better from here. I think that is true. It will only go up from here. Also, I'm seeing some things in looking back at our old chats. Like how she had no issues with hitting me up at 2:00-3:00 AM when she needed to talk. And I never once complained about being woken up or asked her not to message me at such a time. Because I told her at the beginning to call or message at anytime and I meant it. However, she would act all put off if I messaged her at the wrong time. And it was never at 2:00-3:00 AM. And I always prefaced it by saying "is this a good time?". Yet it was perfectly fine for her to message me at odd hours. There was a lot of one sidedness for sure, now that I look back. That saying is SO true about hindsight being 20/20. Perhaps this is for the better. Maybe she was never really a friend, but just someone masquerading as a friend. Hollyj, I actually have no local friends. None at the moment anyway. I need to change that, as I have done the online thing too much. That's the bad thing about meeting and/or dating someone online. You don't go online and meet someone just up the road. They are usually at minimum of 1,000 miles away and a lot of times, not even in the same country.
  6. Long story short, I met someone online back in November 2017. We clicked right away. We chatted on messenger regularly and even talked on the phone some. While we did want to meet in person, we simply lived way too far apart and travel was just too expensive. So, we just settled for making the most of technology in order to talk to each other. As time went on, I could sense a change in her. Sometimes it would feel like she was pulling away from me. It would worry me, and I would ask if I did something and she would always reply with a fast "no". She would assure me that there were times when she just wasn't in a talkative mood, which I understood completely. And then she would message me a day or so later and tell me not to worry. That she just "got like that sometimes" and I would never lose her as a friend, unless I just went and did something really messed up. And she threw in "or of course, if I were to unexpectedly pass away, that would effectively end the friendship, I believe" and she would laugh about it, which I didn't like, but I saw her point. In the last few months of our friendship, we didn't talk as much. She just didn't seem like the same person anymore. I backed off and gave her some space. I would message her only every once in awhile to see how she was doing and I got short, curt answers. It was at that point that I started to tell myself that it was time to accept that this had run it's course and to just go ahead and prepare for the day when she pulls the plug. That day came just recently. What's weird is, the day before she unfriended and blocked me, everything seemed fine. She liked and commented on one of my posts and even shared it on her page. She sent me a PM and shared something with me that she had come across that she thought I would like. And that turned out to be the last time we would ever talk again. On the afternoon of the following day, she was gone. She unfriended and blocked me. I figured that she had either A) gotten a new phone number ahead of time in anticipation of the ending of our friendship or B) would not answer if I called. It was the latter. I knew that she would not answer, but I called anyway, just on the off chance that she might. I only called once. I then removed her number from my phone. Plus, I am sure that she will be getting a new number anyway. I have experienced mixed emotions over this. At first, strangely, it came as a relief. Then, I would remember something that we talked about before, something deeply personal that I shared with her at one point in time, and I would get really down. I really should not be in pain over this, should I? It was just an online friend. And nothing is forever, no matter how you slice it. It does hurt some to think about how she did it. How she pulled the plug, so to speak. I mean, did she make up her mind months ago and just held off on it until she felt that the time was right? And did she do it all by design? Why be so friendly the day before? Was that to make me think that everything was fine, so that I would not suspect anything? I don't care for that, if that's in fact what she did. But, it's over now. There is no getting this friendship back, and even if I could, it would not be the same. As the saying goes, this too shall pass. However, it does make me leery of getting too attached to anyone.
  7. Bingo! At the end of the day, none of it means a thing. It's really comical to see them hand wring over this to the point that it raises the question of when do they have time to live their own lives.
  8. Actually, it was her grandmother (my friend) who deleted her granddaughter's post. I had the misfortune of sharing a recipe at right around the same time that her granddaughter shared that highly inappropriate picture. The granddaughter went to pieces because she felt like that my post (which was a recipe) should have also been deleted. According to the family, it wasn't about the content of the posts, but rather, it was the fact that she would delete her own granddaughter's post but not delete mine. What they don't seem to understand is, if it had been the reverse, then my post would have been deleted and her granddaughter's post would have stayed up. Had I posted something so inappropriate, then she would have deleted it and told me to please only share things like that in private messages and not on her page. That's what her granddaughter was told and it really ticked her off. It's crazy. Her family just keeps droning on and on to her about blood being thicker than water and all this nonsense. Well, there is another saying. Family ties can strangle.
  9. As I already said, that was a different situation entirely, and I have completely and totally washed my hands of my family once and for all. Secondly, this woman is only a friend. She is not a girlfriend. The relationship is strictly platonic. She is well aware of my past and what I went through with my family. I have not kept anything from her. Her family has a history of doing this. They are very jealous of anyone who comes around their mother/grandmother/aunt/sister/cousin, etc. They can't seem to handle seeing her be close to anyone who isn't them. So, the best course of action is to send them packing. Then the "problem" is solved. Until she becomes friends with someone else, then the cycle starts over again. With all due respect, you are off base here.
  10. A situation has come about recently that has absolutely blown my mind. It's actually quiet funny. The problem is, I can't laugh about it, at least not just yet. While it is funny, it is also VERY scary, because it could end up affecting me in a very bad way, although the likelihood of that isn't very high. It's just that having that possibility (albeit small) hanging in the air is unnerving. So, here is what happened. I have a very good friend. Someone that I love dearly and would do anything for. She means the world to me, and she cares very much for me as well. However, recently something happened that really put the fear of the Lord in me. I had shared a recipe to her Facebook page, either right before or right after her granddaughter shared something that was HIGHLY inappropriate. Well, her granddaughter's post got deleted, and mine did not. This upset her granddaughter very very badly. It should have been self explanatory why her post got deleted and mine did not. However, her granddaughter, as well as other family members did not see it that way. To them, it's not about what you post, it's about who you are. It ticked off her entire family. They got on her case and demanded to know why my recipe post was okay, while her granddaughter's post wasn't. They told her that she was choosing me over family. Then, a week or so later, her family actually gathers (sort of like an intervention) and asks who I am and asks all sorts of questions about me. Then they tell her that she needs to unfriend me on Facebook and cease any and all communication at once. Those were their exact words. She told me about this and I chuckled because I thought it was a joke. But she said it with such a seriousness in her voice, that I began to worry. I'm a worrier by nature anyway. I asked what was going to happen, and she said "I don't know. They are really mad at me right now". It's almost like she was saying that she was at least considering ending the friendship over it. I certainly did not feel like I owed any type of apology or anything, but I said that I was very sorry that this had caused such an uproar in her family. She then told me that I did absolutely nothing at all, let alone anything wrong, so I had nothing to apologize for and this was their issue. This made me feel a little better, but not much. I could detect something in her voice that just wasn't quite right. Like she was being pressured by her family so much so, that she was considering ending our friendship just to get them off her back. She went on to tell me that this was not the first time that they had questioned her about me. And, for what is was worth, I was not the only friend they had questioned her about. But, I did seem to be the one who they seemed really focused on. She said that months before the whole ordeal with her granddaughter's inappropriate post, they had mentioned me, and she could detect a ton of jealousy in their voices. I said that I didn't understand that at all because, for one thing, they are FAMILY, while I am not. I can NEVER even begin to compete with that. Not that I'm trying to compete or anything. Secondly, their relationship with her is their's while my friendship with her is ours. There is absolutely no mixing or combining in that regard. So, none of them should be affected by her knowing me and vice versa. She said that they have always been very petty, but lately it seemed that their pettiness and jealousy had just been off the charts. How I could have this big of an affect on people who I have never even met (and probably will never meet) just baffles me. She tells me "ahh..don't worry, nothing is going to happen. This will pass and they will move on to something else". It's not highly likely that she will end our friendship simply because her family's feathers are ruffled and are stomping their feet and making demands. However, what is concerning me is, while she sees this as stupid and childish on their part, at the end of the day, they are family and I am not. They do have the ability to influence her. It's all going to depend on how strong she is. Does she stand up to them and tell them that I am her friend and that is the way it is going to be, and they can just deal with it, or does she eventually cave in and do what they tell her to? They claim to love her SO much, yet, they don't want her to have a friend. And to that extent, I don't think it is just me. They really and truly don't want her knowing anyone other than them. Honestly, they make me very uneasy. It's not that they are complete savages and will come after me and physically harm me or anything. It's that there are so many of them, and only one of me. Mob mentality has flared up here and they all seem to be in her ear and I wonder how long before they are inside her head. But, ultimately, I will have to just step back and let the chips fall where they may. On the plus side, they made this demand about a week ago, and her and I are still talking. It's unnerving to have so many people be so jealous of you and despise you. But, the beauty of it is, I never have to know or see any of them and honestly, it's not like they are going to disown her over this. The worst that will happen is they will continue this fit pitching until they run out of steam. It is quite funny when you stop and think about it. Here are all these people (grown adult kids, grand kids, sister, brother, cousins, etc) who seemingly have nothing better to do with their time than to watch what their mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, etc, is doing on social media and try and control who she knows and who she doesn't know. And to actually stage something akin to an intervention over the fact that a family member's inappropriate post got deleted is just...nuts!! Insane, really.
  11. Well said. I have probably been looking at it all wrong. I am currently in a situation right now where I am praying that someone is just all talk. Or should I say, all bark and no bite? Anyway, I am sure hoping that they are all bark and no bite. So far, that is the way it seems, I just hope it stays that way, LOL
  12. This is actually a bit of a rant. There are talkers and there are doers. The talkers do just that. Talk, talk talk. They don't just talk up a big game, they talk up the best game. And then of course, there are the doers. The doers don't do a ton of talking, they just do what they are going to do. And the talkers, of course, do nothing. I have noticed this a lot more lately. Most individuals that I come into contact with fall into the category of talker. Oh, they have the most wonderful and amazing plans. They are going to do this, this, this, and that. But, when it comes down to it, nothing happens. Absolutely nothing. The doers seem to be few and far between. To be honest, it's maddening. Especially when someone talks up something big that could affect you in a positive way, but then they don't follow through. And then you come to the realization that, if they were going to do anything at all, then they would just do it. There wouldn't be all this talking about it. And, then the real kick in the gut is when you realize that if they were going to actually do anything, they would have done it by now. Instead, they just continue to talk about it, until one day, they don't even do that. Sigh...Anyone else know what I mean?
  13. Yes. I am very plagued by anxiety. And it has only gotten worse here recently. I had a severe anxiety attack just a few hours ago when my online friend was not on messenger. I got really panic stricken because this is just not like her. We usually tentatively set up a time when we will talk on messenger. It’s real hit or miss on whether or not it actually lines up. But, if the time that we (tentatively) set turns out to not be a good time for one of us, then one of us will text the other so that nobody is left wondering what happened. For instance, she will send a quick message saying “hey. Sorry, but it looks like I will be out tonight, so let’s try and shoot for either tomorrow night or the night after”. But, this time, she sent nothing and in fact, has not been active on messenger since we last talked, which was two days ago. I am just hoping that she is okay. Anyway, something like this should not cause me such panic. There most certainly is a reason that she has not been active for a couple of days, and she is, in all likelihood, fine. It’s my mind that shoots to the worst case scenario. So, bottom line, yes, I need help in the worst way.
  14. Thank you so much for the replies. It have got to deal with my anxiety. It is absolutely flooring me. Also, I have to just take it a day at a time with this. I need to be well aware of the fact that there simply are no guarantees in life, while also not letting fear and the "what ifs" cloud my thinking. Melancholy123, you hit the nail right on the head. As the saying goes, you have what you say, and if I continue to hand wring over this, then one day it may very well come to fruition. Thank you so very much. I am feeling better about the situation. And thank you as well rosephase. Your last sentence sums it up prefectly.
  15. Late last year, something happened that I never thought would happen in a million years. I met and became very close with someone via Facebook of all places. I never viewed online friends as the same as real life friends. I would hear of people meeting and knowing each other through social media and I would shake my head. But my how things change. I met someone via Facebook who has become a VERY close friend. We have never seen one another in person. We talk via messenger mostly and have had a few phone conversations. While we hope to possibly meet in person one day, we are not getting our hopes up because it does not look doable, at least for the foreseeable future. We live 800 miles apart and travel is expensive. And it's only going to get higher as time goes on. Just for kicks, I priced what it would cost to go see her for a weekend and the price tag just blew me away. But, fortunately, with technology being what it is, we can talk very regularly, so we are both very thankful for that. I care very much about this person and vice versa. I would not trade having met her for anything in the world. Our talks are amazing and always put me in a great mood. I consider her one of the best friends I have ever had. And this is coming from someone who laughed at the idea of meeting and knowing someone online. However, as wonderful as our friendship is, I can't help but think that it is not going to last. I feel like there is this dark cloud hanging over it. I don't know why I feel this way. I suppose it is because of the online only aspect. I even expressed this to her recently when we talked. She told me that I had nothing to worry about because she wasn't going anywhere. She said that I would have to go and do something really really messed up for her to cease having anything to do with me. I believe her to an extent, but still, I have this unshakable feeling that it will end and end soon. Online friendships are just so...unpredictable. It feels like an online friendship is only as good as the last chat on messenger. If that makes any sense. Plus, with knowing someone just online, you never know when they may just up and leave. Close their Facebook account, or even just stop fooling with it altogether. Too many unknown variables. We actually have multiple ways to contact one another. But, that does little, if anything, to quell my worries. So, am I just overthinking this? Am worrying myself over nothing? Or should I just enjoy the ride now, and not concern myself so much about what happens later? I feel like the worry is keeping me from enjoying the friendship. Making new friends is not supposed to stress you out. Any thoughts?
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