Confused by his behaviour

[Luckynumber2]

We met up today and had fun. And you know what.. I am totally emotionless about it all. Hes attractive but not my usual type so I don't fancy him, I have no feelings.. I am just totally emotionless about it all. I don't feel used and couldn't care if he ghosts me or not now. However he has been in touch since I left his place. I think he's lying when he says he's emotionally unavailable as I get a feeling he could get attached.

 

Yes it did upset me when he ghosted me last week, it wasn't him I was upset about it was the way he treated me which left me wondering Why, what have I done etc. but I feel totally different now we have had fun.

[Batya33]

I'm glad you're having fun having sex with him. I don't think he's lying when he says he is emotionally unavailable to you. It's kind of psychobabble but I think he's trying to be polite and he means he doesn't see potential for a relationship with you -doesn't see himself getting emotionally involved with you -so even if he starts to feel attached it won't motivate him to ask you to be in a relationship with him. That way he knows he is not leading you on and of course he's not using you - you wanted to meet up and have sex with him so how in the world could he be using you. You're two single adults who find it fun to have casual sex. More power to you!

[SweetGirl28]

Believe what a man says. If he's telling you he's emotionally unavailable, he's telling the truth.

He also is warning you to not attach nor expect anything more. But you know this. I say have fun.

If by chance you start feeling something, get out before getting hurt.

[thornz]

I think his caustic posts about the other men were 'shyt tests.' His way of indirectly finding out if you were dating other men.

 

He's insecure and hoped you responded exactly how you did - that you weren't seeing or involved with anyone else. Essentially reassuring him and catering to his insecurity.

 

I'm on line dating and men shyt test me too, just like this. Before ever even meeting.

 

You would not believe the bs some men toss out, right from the get go, before even having a decent chat, let alone meeting/dating.

 

They think their sarcasm is funny, but it's so transparent.

 

I find it a huge turn off, don't respond and and just next them.

 

Women shyt test too, consciously, subconsciously, it's all a game really at the end of the day.

 

I’d love to hear some examples of the tests you’ve had 🤣

[Luckynumber2]

He still drops it in now again about my 'other men'. How many others you chatting to / sending photos to etc. It doesn't bother me, but I do wonder why he is so interested since there is no emotions involved between us. He doesn't come across insecure to me, he seems pretty confident.

 

I don't think he has other women either, none of my business if he does however he texts me a lot, always seems to be at home and is available to see me all the time. I think I have found someone who is just like me, we both don't want a relationship, very happy single and we not involved with others. It is just friends with benefits and I know I won't get attached/catch feelings as there is just nothing there for me. He does chase me a lot so think he might be used to needy women chasing him.

[Batya33]

It's good you've found a sexual arrangement with someone who doesn't want a relationship with you and who you have no emotions with - sounds like fun for you so far!

[Luckynumber2]

An update..

 

I've seen this guy a few times over the last few weeks. There is nothing there for me, just attraction and fun. I can't see my self ever wanting a relationship with him, He's not my type and I only see it as a friends with benefits situation.

 

I've slept with him a few times over the last couple of weeks and he has been in contact every day. He works overseas and was a way for a week so I seen him the day before he went away 2 weeks ago. He was in constant contact while working away, asking if I'm bored of him yet, If I want to keep this casual sex going, how he wants to hook up a lot when he's home etc. He even asked me to stop playing cat and mouse so I guess he felt as though he was chasing me and as I play cool he felt I was escaping again.

 

So when he got home 5 days ago I went to his. He text a lot after I left that evening. Then on Friday he took 5 hours to read/respond to my text which is unusual for him. I never asked why or what he was up to but I put it down to him pulling away. That same evening he was then instantly replying all night. The next day there was a few hours before he text me back so I stopped texting on Saturday evening and haven't heard from him since.

 

He knows I don't want a relationship. I haven't came across needy either. I don't ask what he's up to etc it's just flirting texts, photos and arranging next time when we text each other so he isn't getting any signals off me that I want anything more as thats not what I am after. I just can't understand why he is pulling away? I'm not going to chase him. It seems to be him that's playing a cat and mouse game intentionally and unsure why. He tells me he's emotionally unavailable but I have also noticed lately he could also have insecurity issues by the texts he sends me and asking who else I chat to/Send photos to.

 

Everytime I have seen him, He's the one that mentions "next time" as I leave. He even said it the last time we hooked up. I can't work this man out, he wants Fwb but seems to play games and has issues.

[Batya33]

I think it's because you really don't know him well as a person so this is one of the downsides. Maybe he is not pulling away but it's more that he found someone else to have sex with, or found someone he'd like to pursue for a relationship so he is no longer that interested in your sexual arrangement. Maybe he met someone while he was overseas. Or maybe he's just not interested in casual sex at the moment. It's none of your business and I wouldn't overanalyze it - every time you had sex could be the last time -you both wanted it that way -no strings attached.

[Luckynumber2]

I know he hasn't met anyone whilst working away as he was in constant contact, actually chasing me. He works offshore too. He tells me he doesn't use dating sites but I know he's on tinder so he's lying about that. He doesn't come across as relationship material, I think he has too many issues. Possibly from his last relationship which ended 4 years ago. He's definitely not looking for a relationship, just fwb so it's possible that hes looking for others to have sex with on tinder. He never seems to leave the house when he's home from work. My friend lives directly opposite him and has noticed this too. He's told me himself he never goes out and is boring. He must enjoy his own company too much.

 

We got on the subject of dating sites before we even got on to flirting with each other and he told me he's been on them before but deleted them as he said when the time came to go on a date he would rather take the dog for a walk. (He's definitely still active on tinder though) and that it's impossible to find someone with the same mindset as him. He said all his past Fwb are history because they were too clingy. I think he could be insecure so he needs the extra attention from many women to make him feel worthy.

[Batya33]

I don't think you can know that, with all due respect. Also it's often the people who don't seem to be relationship material who the next day, after meeting the potentially right person, do an about face. I understand he's chasing you for sex but that's different than pursuing someone for a relationship - he might be chasing you to make sure he has a back up or perhaps it's just fun to do just like the fun you two are having and that you signed up for.