Love Bombed! now 5 weeks of No Contact!

[Blossom314]

I met someone about a year ago who love bombed me, and made me feel so special. He said things like "we are soulmates" and "I can't believe i am so lucky to have found you". Another one was "you are the love of my life". Gosh I look back and think how gullible I was. Where I should have questioned his motives was when he said "I love you" on our fourth date. We had a very intense and passionate relationship. It was by far, one of the best relationships of my life. Anyway, long story short, I fell HARD for him, and once I gave him my absolute all, he started to devalue me by seeing me less and texting less. Our relationship went from seeing each other a few times a week to seeing each other every other week!!!! A month ago, he started a fight that caused us to break up. To the day we broke up (Exactly 5 weeks ago) I have been no contact. He has not reached out. I am at a loss for words. This is coming from someone who said I meant the world to him. He would tell me to please not break his heart, but in the end, he ended up breaking mine!!! How does someone go from "I can't live my life without you" to vanishing in all under a year? I believe I was with a narcissist.

 

I don't think I can ever trust another soul with my heart again! I have been hurt so many times, but this one hurt the most! If he reaches out, I have already decided I will not reply because how could I want to be with someone that can destroy me like this! Either way, I am standing firm with no contact! I want to advise you all from the dangers of falling for the love bombing trap. PAY ATTENTION! if they are constantly texting/calling you in the beginning stages of the relationship, please know that they have ulterior motives, they have a hidden agenda. No sane person is going to meet someone out of the blue and just start texting incessantly.

 

I just needed to vent!.

[UN90]

Hi Blossom314. I am in the same situation right now. I didn't believe I was with a narcissist until I began watching YouTube videos to cope with my breakup. I would say I was in the same situation as you. But this was my first relationship and I was so naive. He told me so much good things in the beginning and when he knew he had me, things changed and stupid me kept fighting for him to stay in my life. I changed myself but it wasn't good enough. I did all I could still not good enough. I lost myself in that process. I too think that I cannot trust anyone again. Putting out your all and being told you are everything to them and then one day they just don't want to be with you anymore. What BS!

 

If he has not reach out then forget him. You dont need him in your life. When you feel lost and depressed just try to motivate yourself by trying to convince yourself that you deserve better.

[UN90]

I also came across a video from Madea goes to jail - the play. It says

 

"Some people'll come in your life for a lifetime, and some'll come for a season. You got to know which is which. And you're gonna always mess up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations. They got people that got married to people they was only supposed to be with for a season and they wonder why they're having so much hell in their life. That was the person that was supposed to come and teach you one thing.Listen, I put everybody that come in my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. If the wind blows, they're over here, they're unstable. Blow the other way, they're over here. if seasons change, they wither and die, they're gone. But that's alright, that's some people. Most people in the world are like that. They're just there to take from the tree, they ain't there to do nothing but take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. They ain't never gonna be nothing, that's what they put on this earth for, to be what they are: A LEAF. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too because they'll fool you. They'll get there and make you think that they're a good friend and they're real strong. But the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and they'll leave you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed because they're the kind of people who ain't going nowhere. They ain't worried about being seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you, they ain't got to know what they're doing for you. But if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live, you understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches but only a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything they need. I'm telling you, Sonny, when you get you some roots, you better hold on to them because the rest of them, you let them go. Let folks go! "

[Hollyj]

Check out Baggagereclaim.com for emotional unavailability.

 

it will also help you recognize red flags. Someone telling you that they love you on the 4th date is not realistic and future faking.

 

I have been in your place. The site helped me tremendously.

[Hollyj]

You also need to block and delete. He will try to come back in a few months to screw you over again. These types are users and he does not care about you.

[MissCanuck]

Check out Baggagereclaim.com for emotional unavailability.

 

it will also help you recognize red flags. Someone telling you that they love you on the 4th date is not realistic and future faking.

 

I have been in your place. The site helped me tremendously.

 

This. That should send you running.

 

I know it felt good in the moment, OP, and it's so easy to get swept up in the elation that someone is crazy about you. But people who dive in head-first are almost never doing so from a place of genuine love (because how could they when they barely know you?) but rather from the high of new-crush hormones. Some have ulterior motives, yes, and some are truly impulsive people who make decisions based on superficial feelings. Both type of people are best avoided.

 

You're right to warn others not to fall for it. You can learn to trust again, but you'll also need to learn to heed your instincts when someone seems off.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you both got caught up in the infatuation highs and when that wore off, things fizzled. Try to go slowly next time and pace yourself.

How does someone go from "I can't live my life without you" to vanishing in all under a year? I have been hurt so many times

[RayRay63]

I believe I was with a narcissist.

 

Could well be, but did he have a recent break-up before you met him?

 

Either way, running would be good, as Jean Reno would say.

[Blossom314]

Thank you for the message UN90. It helps, all though I felt like I lost my best friend, I realized that sometimes you just have to let people go. Regardless of how painful. Loss is a part of life!

[Blossom314]

Hi Hollyj, I will check the site out, thank you! I know I should block him but I haven't gotten there yet. I almost want to feel the satisfaction of being able to ignore him if he ever does attempt to reach out. I want him to know that I am choosing to ignore him. I also learned about the future faking, and that is one big thing he did at the beginning. He asked me what kind of ring I wanted, and talked about how he would propose in the near future. It's crazy to think how I can fall for all of that. Mind you, he is 35 years old, I just thought that I met a man who finally knew what he wanted and didn't want to play any games. This is so crazy to me. I am feeling traumatized.

[Blossom314]

RauRay63, we talked about previous relationships and he said his last one was 2 years ago. I made sure to ask because I don't like rebounds. Of course, this could have been a lie lol seeing as everything that came out from his mouth never held up.

Could well be, but did he have a recent break-up before you met him?

 

Either way, running would be good, as Jean Reno would say.

[RayRay63]

Yes indeed.

 

If we could link images here I'd add one of Jean Reno in Godzilla saying "running would be good", but I don't think the site owners have enabled that particular PHPB code.

 

Edit: tried it, and they haven't. Not sure why they haven't, but not for me to argue the toss on that. As long as people stick to open source images...

[Hollyj]

Hi Hollyj, I will check the site out, thank you! I know I should block him but I haven't gotten there yet. I almost want to feel the satisfaction of being able to ignore him if he ever does attempt to reach out. I want him to know that I am choosing to ignore him. I also learned about the future faking, and that is one big thing he did at the beginning. He asked me what kind of ring I wanted, and talked about how he would propose in the near future. It's crazy to think how I can fall for all of that. Mind you, he is 35 years old, I just thought that I met a man who finally knew what he wanted and didn't want to play any games. This is so crazy to me. I am feeling traumatized.

 

My guy was 53. Age is not an indicator.

[Starlight925]

Go to thriveafterabuse.com. You will find a ton of applicable info there. Watch all the videos.

[RayRay63]

My guy was 53. Age is not an indicator.

 

Have to beg to differ HollyJ.

 

Tend to think experience does make a difference, just an anecdotal observation.

[j.man]

No sane person is going to meet someone out of the blue and just start texting incessantly.

On that same note, what sane person accepts or even enjoys receiving such treatment out the gate?

 

Bear in mind, I'm just sticking with the hyperbole and not calling you insane. Still, and while it was a tagline for awhile here which fortunately seems to be dying out, I find this focus on "love bombing" being some one-sided assault committed unto someone rather than taking into just as much consideration one's propensity to not only accept but run with said attention to be incredibly unproductive and, frankly, just a pinch infantilizing.

 

Fact is there is some subset of malicious guys who will consciously bank on a woman's emotional vulnerability or immaturity to "love bomb" them for whatever near-sighted end game they've got in mind, but at the end of the day, you're much more likely to find yourself in a mutually consenting, unhealthy, but, at least in the meantime, beneficial dynamic. The difference between you and the guy being that he's been socially conditioned to be the one to kick things off. And the more time you spend pegging the guy as a narcissist who happened to you rather than identifying and addressing just what inside you begged your participation, the wider the window of opportunity will be for an encore, whether it's this guy coming back, a genuine and manipulative ***hole, or a man who simply likewise hasn't an idea how or the capacity to approach a romantic prospect with a healthy amount of space and at a responsible pace.

[Starlight925]

Eh, mine was 59. Age is most definitely not a factor.

[Wiseman2]

He sounds like a run-of-the-mill player. Avoid jumping in with both feet this soon.

I believe I was with a narcissist. I have been hurt so many times,

[Blossom314]

On that same note, what sane person accepts or even enjoys receiving such treatment out the gate?

 

You are right! and this is why I precisely am warning others about the love bombing. This was the first time this happened to me so I didn't know how to react. I felt overwhelmed but I figured maybe this whirlwind romance was Gods way of saying he was The One. When you deal with people who play games and are "emotionally unavailable", it can be refreshing to have someone be so transparent with their feelings. He was charming, attractive and telling me he loves me? I didn't want to complain. I am learning the hard way that being too emotionally available is just as bad as being emotionally unavailable as both extremes are still on the spectrum of heartache.

 

I am also aware that calling him a narcissist can be a way to let myself off the hook by simply pointing the finger, but after binge watching so many youtube videos on Narcissistic abuse, I have learned about gaslighting, Idealization, devalue and discard, deflecting, and attacking my character which were all things that he did. Anytime I brought something up to his attention that bothered me, I somehow would end up apologizing. He had a manipulative way of turning things around to make me feel guilty. I'm young, attractive and have a lot going for myself, but emotional intelligence may be where I struggle the most. This is why I found this site and am being open with others, in hopes of finding out how I let this happened to me and also for others to learn from my mistakes.

 

 

Ladies, you hear a man say "you are the love of my life" please don't believe it until you are married lol. Even then, I still don't know if I can believe...

[Blossom314]

And the more time you spend pegging the guy as a narcissist who happened to you rather than identifying and addressing just what inside you begged your participation, the wider the window of opportunity will be for an encore, whether it's this guy coming back, a genuine and manipulative ***hole, or a man who simply likewise hasn't an idea how or the capacity to approach a romantic prospect with a healthy amount of space and at a responsible pace.

 

I would also like to add that on almost all of the research I found, 99% of narcissist idolize you at the beginning. They give you a feeling of being a teenager all over again with their romantic gestures and declarations of love. Every girl likes to be romanced, so it is disheartening that he would use a woman’s vulnerability in order to exploit. This is the reason why I feel trauma, and why I am seeking therapy. I don’t want to be vulnerable again, but I don’t want to be closed off either. It’s as if men are damanging us one woman at a time.

[Blossom314]

Go to thriveafterabuse.com. You will find a ton of applicable info there. Watch all the videos.

 

Hey LHGirl, I will most def check out the site. Thanks! I am devouring as much info as possible. I want to protect my heart (the way you protect the king in Chess from the opponent). I hate to think of love as a game of chess, but I have been shown time again, love is a game.

[Hollyj]

Have to beg to differ HollyJ.

 

Tend to think experience does make a difference, just an anecdotal observation.

 

Sorry, you are wrong. The older they are, the more baggage. There are plenty of stories on this site, to prove my point.

[Hollyj]

Hi Hollyj, I will check the site out, thank you! I know I should block him but I haven't gotten there yet. I almost want to feel the satisfaction of being able to ignore him if he ever does attempt to reach out. I want him to know that I am choosing to ignore him. I also learned about the future faking, and that is one big thing he did at the beginning. He asked me what kind of ring I wanted, and talked about how he would propose in the near future. It's crazy to think how I can fall for all of that. Mind you, he is 35 years old, I just thought that I met a man who finally knew what he wanted and didn't want to play any games. This is so crazy to me. I am feeling traumatized.

 

You are prolonging this. How much satisfaction can there be, after the way he treated you? Let your ego go, and decide to move on. You are only hurting yourself.

[Hollyj]

You are right! and this is why I precisely am warning others about the love bombing. This was the first time this happened to me so I didn't know how to react. I felt overwhelmed but I figured maybe this whirlwind romance was Gods way of saying he was The One. When you deal with people who play games and are "emotionally unavailable", it can be refreshing to have someone be so transparent with their feelings. He was charming, attractive and telling me he loves me? I didn't want to complain. I am learning the hard way that being too emotionally available is just as bad as being emotionally unavailable as both extremes are still on the spectrum of heartache.

 

I am also aware that calling him a narcissist can be a way to let myself off the hook by simply pointing the finger, but after binge watching so many youtube videos on Narcissistic abuse, I have learned about gaslighting, Idealization, devalue and discard, deflecting, and attacking my character which were all things that he did. Anytime I brought something up to his attention that bothered me, I somehow would end up apologizing. He had a manipulative way of turning things around to make me feel guilty. I'm young, attractive and have a lot going for myself, but emotional intelligence may be where I struggle the most. This is why I found this site and am being open with others, in hopes of finding out how I let this happened to me and also for others to learn from my mistakes.

 

 

Ladies, you hear a man say "you are the love of my life" please don't believe it until you are married lol. Even then, I still don't know if I can believe...

 

Stop psychoanalyzing. He is not a narcissist (excuse). Focus on your behavior. It is not normal for a guy to come on this way. You should have been done, when he was proclaiming his love - and all the other garbage - so early.

[Blossom314]

Stop psychoanalyzing. He is not a narcissist (excuse). Focus on your behavior. It is not normal for a guy to come on this way. You should have been done, when he was proclaiming his love - and all the other garbage - so early.

 

Much easier said than done. When you have your heart ripped out, it's not as simple as "just let it go". I know psychoanalyzing may come off as obsessive, but its' how I am coping. Dissecting a relationship helps with not making the same mistake in the future.