Lovelavie Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 So after 2 years officially single, I found someone that makes me happy in so many ways. We just clicked right away and things developed naturally. Unlike other guys I went out with, I don't feel under pressure with him, or that I'm forcing things. We don't get into fights, and for the first time in my life I can say I am actually having a healthy relationship. Also the fact that I've been through a lot in relationships and have grown a lot and become more mature about what I want and what I accept in a person. For a long time I haven't felt these butterflies in my stomach, with time I became a bit of a cold, distant person who didn't want anyone in my life. Being single and alone made me happy until I met this guy, and being with him became better. I have this trauma from past relationships with guys that have lied and cheated, also everyone I truly liked in my life left me. It was never the contrary. I could never leave someone I loved. My last BF would lie about a lot of things and would be very inconsistent, breaking up with me all the time and that left a lot of scars that with time I got over, but now that I started this new relationship I've realized how fresh they still are to me. So I try to put these things aside and "accept" that this guy is different. And he really is. However, I'd say he's got these huge mood swings. Like one day he'll be extremely sweet and the other he'll be kind of distant (he's never rude or mean, he's just not happy and all over the place like he usually is) and I understand we don't have to be eagerly happy everyday, but these changes make it look like he's a whole different person. Also this weekend we went to a festival and he kept ignoring me and not caring if I was there or not and that really hurt me. So later that night I talked to him about that and the next day he broke up with me saying he didn't want to hurt me because he knew I was right. He said he really is like that and he didn't want to make me sad. I told him I accept his flaws but he went on with this decision. He cried and said he loved me but couldn't go through with it. Hell, for the first time in two years I cried like a baby. It came to me that I really liked him, he wasn't just another random guy in my life. The next day we talked and decided to work things out and he said he did want to be with me but that he needed me to understand that he was like that and I said that it was ok, I liked him the way he is, but it all seemed so confusing to me, in the end I didn't really get why he decided to break up, he said I was too good for him and I kept telling him that if that were true I'd be long gone. I don't need to be with someone who puts me down and if I chose to be with him is because I fell in love with him the way he is. Thing is, I got this insecurity now that I didn't have before. Things were perfect between us until this happened. I'm attached to the way he makes me feel and it makes me scared of what could happen. Connections like the one I have with him is rare and I don't wanna lose it. I also now that I have to have self respect and love myself and that no one should cost my happiness of peace of mind, but I just want to know how I can deal with this inconsistency. I know he doesn't do it on purpose and it's far from an abusive relationship, but I want a balance between me being happy with him and also being understanding of the way he is without getting hurt and angry. Link to comment
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