Neighbour said something strange

[charity]

I am a single parent with two children. I live in a great neighbourhood and have good neighbours, most of them older couples. The people in the house across the road from me are the same age as me- a great family and our kids play together. They've been married 10 years and seem a great couple. I am friendly with both of them- not overly friendly, but in a nice neighbourly way. The husband works days and the wife works nights so I would only see them together at weekends. During the week I may chat to the wife occasionally during the days and likewise in the evenings I may chat to the husband occasionally. These chats simply take place outside in the street.

 

So one time the husband mentioned to me that its hard that he doesn't get to see his wife more during the weekdays. He said that she even said one time ...you get to speak more to (my name) then me!. I was a bit weirded out by this (obviously its not true, we chat maybe once a week)...I suppose an alarm bell went off but I ignored it.

 

This week we had lots of snow. In my country this never happens so it was super exciting for us! Schools closed and everyone was off work!. Both the husband and wife were at home but he was out throwing snowballs with kids (mine and his kids). He rang my doorbell...saying you know' hey isn't this amazing etc etc. We chatted for a few mins and the wife waved out the window.

 

So a day later I'm outside throwing snowballs with kids and the couple come out and we're all having a lovely time. I'm having a nice chat with the wife and suddenly she brings up in a seemingly lighthearted way......''ha ha I could be worried about my husband and you haha''. I'm like huh? She says 'oh you know yesterday when he called to you and was chatting at your door, well I was on the phone to my mother and I told her can you believe he is chatting with our female neighbour....and my mum said Oh how old is she? and I said same age as us and my mum says oH you have to be careful...she is single etc etc.''. Now through all this she is laughing like its a joke s I'm laughing alongside her but feeling that maybe I need to let her know that I am the last person she needs to be wary of.

 

But since then I've thought about it more and I'm wondering....was this a warning? Is she threatened or upset by my friendship with her husband?

Now, I know I am not doing anything wrong but I can't help feeling a bit annoyed. Like seriously, just because I'm a single mum doesn't mean I'm out to grab your hubby you know!! It's made me question how I interact with them. Like I said they are a cool friendship and we get on really well as neighbours, when they went on holidays they gave me a key so I could check their house, turn on heating etc and they would do the same for me.

 

I'm interested to hear what you guys think.

[butterfly45]

She does sound jealous but I'd just ignore it. To react or say something would imply you're doing something wrong and you're not. I wouldn't do anything differently to what you're doing.

 

PS stay safe and happy hibernating! It's been unbelievable here.

[crecif]

I think maybe you should keep your distance with the neigbours?... It seems like they like drama and they might not trust eachother... You have other priorities and surely also other people you can hang out with..

[Seraphim]

Yup, definitely she feels threatened even though there’s nothing to feel threatened about . I would just avoid both of them. Who needs the drama . I wouldn’t chat with either one of them .

[charity]

She does sound jealous but I'd just ignore it. To react or say something would imply you're doing something wrong and you're not. I wouldn't do anything differently to what you're doing.

 

PS stay safe and happy hibernating! It's been unbelievable here.

 

This is what I'm inclined to do but I guess I'll be conscious of her perspective from now on.

 

I think maybe you should keep your distance with the neigbours?... It seems like they like drama and they might not trust eachother... You have other priorities and surely also other people you can hang out with..

 

I guess you never know what goes on in a marriage. Who knows, maybe she has reason to distrust him, I don't know. I don't 'hang' with them per se, simple neighbourhood chats.

 

Yup, definitely she feels threatened even though there’s nothing to feel threatened about . I would just avoid both of them. Who needs the drama . I wouldn’t chat with either one of them .

 

It's just somewhat insulting that that is what she thinks of me you know? I don't want to avoid them, that will make things weird...but I'll be more careful I guess.

[Seraphim]

Unfortunately, it is what she thinks. Just don’t get drawn into their marital drama .

[crecif]

I really dont't think you should take this personally. Its nothing you've done, its issues they must have...

[ThatwasThen]

I think by repeating the conversation she had with her mother about you and her husband, she was just marking her territory. Maybe he's mentioned that he thinks you're attractive and so she's taking pre-emptive action. Most emotional affairs start out as platonic, opposite sex friendships after all.

 

I do think it was weird that he felt he had to knock on your door to ask: 'Isn't this amazing?" (regarding the snow fall).

 

What, if anything did you respond with when the wife was 'marking her territory?' I would have at least said "Tell your mother she has nothing to worry about, your husband doesn't interest me in that way in the least."

[Hollyj]

I would keep some distance. Only speak if both are present.

 

Don't take it personally, as she doesn't know you. These are her issues.

[charity]

I think by repeating the conversation she had with her mother about you and her husband, she was just marking her territory. Maybe he's mentioned that he thinks you're attractive and so she's taking pre-emptive action. Most emotional affairs start out as platonic, opposite sex friendships after all.

 

I do think it was weird that he felt he had to knock on your door to ask: 'Isn't this amazing?" (regarding the snow fall).

 

What, if anything did you respond with when the wife was 'marking her territory?' I would have at least said "Tell your mother she has nothing to worry about, your husband doesn't interest me in that way in the least."

 

It is a bit unusual that he does that. But he does it to my older neighbour too (old lady). Honestly I think he's just a really social nice guy who likes to chat. I'm very sure there's no other motive. Yes I did respond with a ' believe me you have nothing to worry about with me'. And like I said she was laughing like 'i know, I know hahaha. But yep...she got her message across. Its just...disappointing I guess....when something so innocent can be made awkward.

[ThatwasThen]

It is a bit unusual that he does that. But he does it to my older neighbour too (old lady). Honestly I think he's just a really social nice guy who likes to chat. I'm very sure there's no other motive. Yes I did respond with a ' believe me you have nothing to worry about with me'. And like I said she was laughing like 'i know, I know hahaha. But yep...she got her message across. Its just...disappointing I guess....when something so innocent can be made awkward.

Well, don't let it get awkward. You know you have no other motive so no need for any awkwardness.

[j.man]

While it's an inherently awkward situation given 1) you're neighbors and 2) your kids all mingle with each other, I have to echo the sentiment of carrying on as usual. Don't start talking to the husband through the door if he knocks, or scurrying inside if he happens to step out when you're out there with the kids. To be honest, I think it's pretty awesome you can have that kind of neighborly relationship, and I hope the wife does let go of whatever (still seemingly mild) insecurities she's got over it. My mom's got something pretty similar. Granted, we're all out of the house by now, but she's got neighbor kids who absolutely adore her, and sometimes the husband will bring them over when they ask to see her, and it's perfectly fine.

 

Not to sound like Old Man Hubbard, but it's a sense of community I find is quite lacking, at least in a good number of the areas I've lived. I had it growing up, but outside of the Mexican neighborhood I grew up in and some of the poorer rural areas I've lived in, it's a sense of community I think is unfortunately lacking. It's good for kids to have their own community with other kids, but I also think it's good for kids to see adults coming together in such a context as yours just as well.

[charity]

While it's an inherently awkward situation given 1) you're neighbors and 2) your kids all mingle with each other, I have to echo the sentiment of carrying on as usual. Don't start talking to the husband through the door if he knocks, or scurrying inside if he happens to step out when you're out there with the kids. To be honest, I think it's pretty awesome you can have that kind of neighborly relationship, and I hope the wife does let go of whatever (still seemingly mild) insecurities she's got over it. My mom's got something pretty similar. Granted, we're all out of the house by now, but she's got neighbor kids who absolutely adore her, and sometimes the husband will bring them over when they ask to see her, and it's perfectly fine.

 

Not to sound like Old Man Hubbard, but it's a sense of community I find is quite lacking, at least in a good number of the areas I've lived. I had it growing up, but outside of the Mexican neighborhood I grew up in and some of the poorer rural areas I've lived in, it's a sense of community I think is unfortunately lacking. It's good for kids to have their own community with other kids, but I also think it's good for kids to see adults coming together in such a context as yours just as well.

 

I really like it too which is why I find this disappointing. I probably am taking it personally because I am a single mum and feel that this is just such a stereotype that she is engaging in. But yeah I really love having great neighbours and neighbourly spirit. Come and ask me for a cup of sugar...I'll be delighted!

Anyway I won't get weird with them but as I said I will be a tad more conscious of her perspective.

[Seraphim]

While it's an inherently awkward situation given 1) you're neighbors and 2) your kids all mingle with each other, I have to echo the sentiment of carrying on as usual. Don't start talking to the husband through the door if he knocks, or scurrying inside if he happens to step out when you're out there with the kids. To be honest, I think it's pretty awesome you can have that kind of neighborly relationship, and I hope the wife does let go of whatever (still seemingly mild) insecurities she's got over it. My mom's got something pretty similar. Granted, we're all out of the house by now, but she's got neighbor kids who absolutely adore her, and sometimes the husband will bring them over when they ask to see her, and it's perfectly fine.

 

Not to sound like Old Man Hubbard, but it's a sense of community I find is quite lacking, at least in a good number of the areas I've lived. I had it growing up, but outside of the Mexican neighborhood I grew up in and some of the poorer rural areas I've lived in, it's a sense of community I think is unfortunately lacking. It's good for kids to have their own community with other kids, but I also think it's good for kids to see adults coming together in such a context as yours just as well.

It is unfortunate there is lack of community. Sometimes all it takes is one unfortunate apple to spoil the whole atmosphere.