Am I overthinking with amazing new partner....?

[AlexSays]

Agree with abitbroken. Great tips on how to 'slow it down' and scale back from insta-relationship to dating. Also that folder was probably on his phone before you and meant for the last one or next one or whoever takes the bait.

 

No actually. I read them. They’re detailed, speaking of how and when and what was going on when we first met, describing me, etc.

 

Which couldn’t have been staged considering I spontaneously asked him to take a stroll in a park 45min from his house on a Tuesday night. He basically wrote about that and then other poems, some sad like the first time I said no to being in a relationship and ho he felt about it.

 

Im aware on having to slow it down; what I honestly have no idea how to go about starting that conversation.

 

How do I bring it up, specially when EVERYTHING is going great with us right now except for the gushing about me too much. It makes it feel like he’s trying too hard.

[Wiseman2]

It's not a conversation, it's staying involved in your own life and not camping out at his place this much as a distraction from your last relationship. It's too much too soon and unfortunately you are eating it up including the 'gushing about you' because you need and want that right now. This isn't about him, it's about you going too fast and enjoying the distraction/infatuation so much that you don't want to rock the boat.

How do I bring it up, specially when EVERYTHING is going great with us right now except for the gushing about me too much.

[Jibralta]

It's not a conversation, it's staying involved in your own life and not camping out at his place this much as a distraction from your last relationship. It's too much too soon and unfortunately you are eating it up including the 'gushing about you' because you need and want that right now. This isn't about him, it's about you going too fast and enjoying the distraction/infatuation so much that you don't want to rock the boat.

 

Excellent point.

[AlexSays]

It's not a conversation, it's staying involved in your own life and not camping out at his place this much as a distraction from your last relationship. It's too much too soon and unfortunately you are eating it up including the 'gushing about you' because you need and want that right now. This isn't about him, it's about you going too fast and enjoying the distraction/infatuation so much that you don't want to rock the boat.

 

Wait up. Don’t go assuming things about me. I have more than been involved in my own life specially since my break up.

 

In 5 months after break up, I’ve lost weight. I published a book. My art career is on the rise, so I’m always busy with commissions and have to cancel plans with him most of the time due to being so busy. I’ve been to 5 countries by myself and with friends, in fact, I’m writing this from Costa Rica right now. Came here for a week with college friends.

 

What I like so much about us is the fact that we both have a life and we don’t depend on each other. In fact we ONLY see each other on weekends, when I “camp” out at his house. He takes me on dates and on Sundays we practice his fav sport with his friends whom all know me as his girl.

 

I don’t like the gushing. If I did I wouldn’t be writing this. In fact, the gushing is making me pull away. It makes me feel like it’s fake and like he’s just trying to get something out of it, except he hasn’t done anything that doesn’t add up. So far everything has been consistent. My gut knows it’s too much, too soon. I feel like if I randomly pick up everything I leave at his house like my toothbrush and everything, then he’ll feel like he’s doing things wrong. I wanna talk to him about it.

[Jibralta]

But you are the one who is uncomfortable here. What you are posting are your thoughts about what you think your boyfriend is thinking, not your boyfriend's actual thoughts. Your guy seems to feel that everything is ok. He may be going at a normal pace for him. Whether he is or isn't, it is not a comfortable pace for you, so it's on you to set things straight with him. This anxiety over what your boyfriend might think about you removing your toothbrush is in your own head. You haven't talked to your boyfriend about this, so you don't know what he thinks. You could be correct, but until you have the conversation you don't know for sure. In the meantime, you are going around in circles in your own head.

[abitbroken]

Wait up. Don’t go assuming things about me. I have more than been involved in my own life specially since my break up.

 

In 5 months after break up, I’ve lost weight. I published a book. My art career is on the rise, so I’m always busy with commissions and have to cancel plans with him most of the time due to being so busy. I’ve been to 5 countries by myself and with friends, in fact, I’m writing this from Costa Rica right now. Came here for a week with college friends.

 

What I like so much about us is the fact that we both have a life and we don’t depend on each other. In fact we ONLY see each other on weekends, when I “camp” out at his house. He takes me on dates and on Sundays we practice his fav sport with his friends whom all know me as his girl.

 

I don’t like the gushing. If I did I wouldn’t be writing this. In fact, the gushing is making me pull away. It makes me feel like it’s fake and like he’s just trying to get something out of it, except he hasn’t done anything that doesn’t add up. So far everything has been consistent. My gut knows it’s too much, too soon. I feel like if I randomly pick up everything I leave at his house like my toothbrush and everything, then he’ll feel like he’s doing things wrong. I wanna talk to him about it.

 

You have dated less than 12 weeks and you are already in an overly famililar routine of camping out at his place all weekend. Dial this back. Go on dates. Meet out at places. I get that you are on a trip with friends, that's great, but you have only been dating 8-12 weeks and you are already spending days with his mom.

 

You say "if you pick up everything you have at his house he'll feel like he's doing something wrong." You have to worry less about what others might think and more about taking some control back here. You should take your clothing back home each time you leave. You should have your contact lens solution or whatever in your purse and not leave everything at his house. And why always at his house? Does he ever come to yours? Honestly, if he gets upset because you take your underwear home with you, then he has issues. Take anything that is important to you and not disposable with you every time and bring only what you are going to need each time. If you are too afraid to tip the apple cart this early - i worry if you will have enough of a voice when things cross a bigger line?

 

Honestly, my guy and went on weekend dates only for 3 months, and then gradually started to spend the whole day together (but didn't sleep over unless there was an ice storm or something or other). you are already cuddling in the same bed at night and you are going to run into trouble -- you *are* eventually going to get caught in the heat of the moment with him. Don't be naive about that.

 

And the poetry is a bit thick at this point. its one thing to keep a journal and use it for your own therapy.

 

Sloooooow down. Put on the brakes. if this is a decent guy who only got ahead of himself, he will stick around.

You keep looking for something that "doesn't add up" -- you know, even serial killers are consistent in their personality. I obviously don't think he is one but looking for consistency is not what you should be looking for.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Do you live with your parents? Is that why his place is the love nest?

And why always at his house? Does he ever come to yours? Honestly, if he gets upset because you take your underwear home with you, then he has issues.

[AlexSays]

Agree. Do you live with your parents? Is that why his place is the love nest?

 

I do live with my parents still. I will be moving out towards the end of this year tho!

 

He comes over sometimes but yes, it’s more convenient at his place since he lives with roommates.

 

Thanks for that! The whole “if he’s decent he will stick around really opened my eyes here tbh!

 

I will see him for the first time tomorrow since my trip of 1 1/2 weeks. I will start picking things up.

[Pleasedonot5]

Why would he feel guilty about anything? You think he would go through all of this *just* to have sex with YOU? There are so many out there with whom he could score much easier, yet he's exclusive with you. You think he's feigning his attraction? Ask him about it.

[Wiseman2]

Ok then just visit but don't keep your stuff thereand camp out there this much. You are escaping your parents place, but you are imposing on his roommates and they will tire of you always being there.

I do live with my parents still. it’s more convenient at his place since he lives with roommates.