21pilates Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 To preface this, I will start with the fact that I currently live on a college campus. In the fall though, I plan on moving into an apartment off campus with a few friends to save money and sanity. (anyone who's lived on a college campus gets that) I was looking for something for the spring term last semester while telling my boyfriend about all the ins and outs of apartment hunting and how my prospective roommates don't like this and I don't like that. Plans fell through because none of us could get out of our housing contracts with the school, so we all decided to move off campus during the fall term. A few weeks go by as we continue to apartment hunt and solidify plans for when we're going to sign leases and such when my boyfriend starts to tell me about his friends and how they think he should move in with us. Our relationship is going extremely well but we've been dating each other for a few months and hooking up for longer. We will have hit a year before we move in together but nonetheless it's still a big step. Having never been in a real relationship to begin with, my friends are extremely skeptical. My friends are skeptical of the relationship itself, but it's taken them months to actually accept the fact that it's happening. His friends, on the other hand won't stop raving about how good I am for him and how it's the best idea in the world. Not only that but, my soon-to-be roommates and I all agreed that financially it would be for the best. We're still on the fence about rooming separately but we're mostly on the side of separate rooms considering how new the relationship would be. I know he wants to move out of his place as well and I'm the only one he knows who's planning on moving into a new place soon, so I don't want to hinder him of that experience. But, this is still a big step in the relationship and I don't know whether or not I should go through with it. I love him to the moon and back and we've been through a lot together in the amount of time we've been together but it still scares me to think about. Sometimes I'm all for it and sometimes I'm on the fence about it. Is this the right idea? Link to comment
DanZee Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 How many people rooming together are you talking about? This sounds a bit scary, and when you increase the number of people involved, you can get into all sort of trouble especially when some people decide not to pay their rent or start moving other girlfriends/boyfriends into the apartment. Also you have some people thinking nothing about eating other people's food and belongings, and relationships can start breaking down badly. I think you should stick to your original plan. You and your girlfriends find an apartment and your boyfriend and his friends find their own place. Keep things separate. Trying to create one big happy family might be a nightmare! Link to comment
j.man Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Personally, I think it's a terrible idea. I get that there are diminishing returns on cost per square foot, but how much money would you be saving doubling the space and splitting it than if you stuck with your original plan? IF (and, again, a strongly discouraged "if") you decide to go through with it, I would absolutely insist on separate rooms. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Sounds like he's looking out for himself and selling you on the idea of roommates with benefits. Not a good idea. I know he wants to move out of his place as well and I'm the only one he knows who's planning on moving into a new place soon Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Personally, if you want this relationship to flourish this is a risky idea. Why risk it? I am sure if you think about it, you do have other options. My son did the exact same thing and though his gf and he both moved home after their lease was up, the roommates were nightmares and felt like they were being held hostage waiting for the lease to end. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 my boyfriend starts to tell me about his friends and how they think he should move in with us. The key word is 'us,' which means that you have other people to consider. If I were buying into housing with a group of friends, and one wanted her BF to move in--or even overnight there with us regularly? I'd say, no thanks, I'm out. This is the stuff to clarify with roommates up front BEFORE you sign a lease. What are the agreements between you and the friends about overnight guests and adding other people to your current dynamic? Link to comment
21pilates Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 its two other roommates, both of which are male. Link to comment
21pilates Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 to be very honest i go to school in a city where housing prices are VERY weird and studios cost twice the amount of 4 bedrooms and adding a 4th bedroom has actually made the apartments we've found cheaper. so financially it is a smart move. Link to comment
21pilates Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 my roommates and i have had this conversation and they all like him and are totally cool with him moving in with us actually. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 You are ok with them bringing women over all the time, because fair is fair when you and your bf will be having sex they can hear.its two other roommates, both of which are male. Link to comment
21pilates Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 yeah actually i really dont give a they're adults and they pay for the space who am i to say what they can and cant do with it. im not some in prude i think i can handle hearing a moan or two without breaking down into a sob. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Do you enjoy sharing the kitchen/bathroom/living room with 3 guys AND the 2 guys gfs? As well as having sex with your bf and everyone knowing when. You won't have much privacy with a bf when your 2 male roommates are around, no less their dates/gfs. You seem quite convinced by your bf that this is a good idea. Who moves out if things don't work out with him? im not some in prude i think i can handle hearing a moan or two without breaking down into a sob. Link to comment
21pilates Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 okay let me set up my CURRENT living situation for you. i live in suite housing. i currently have a roommate with whom i share a room with. then i have a livingroom and a bathroom with whom i share that with 7 other people. having to share an entire house with LESS than that amount of people sounds blissful. on top of that, id i wanted privacy id close my damn door and the people with whom i will live with will NOT bother me, because i can LOCK my door. we are moving into separate rooms so unless something seriously terrible happens in the year that we have the house for, we will not really have an issue with living in the same house because i can handle my emotions. if anything he has agreed to move out if i felt uncomfortable, which i won't. i'm not convinced this is a good idea by my boyfriend its just honestly you're bringing up points that i already know and don't care about. id rather live with men for more than a few reasons personally and these men (who i all live on the same floor as. have i mentioned this floor consists of 15 people TOTAL?) are both very clean and VERY put together people and also people who enjoy their privacy as much as I enjoy mine. not only that, but with the way my suite is set up i have the LEAST amount of privacy ive ever had. first and foremost my roommate starts blabbing when i kick her out of the room. second of all these walls are so damn thin we have to do the deed on the floor so no one hears the bed creak. we have to cover eachothers mouths half the time. AND we have people calling me out into the living room to ask me questions 24/7. the only issue i have with my living situation is if this will hurt my relationship or not. again i already decided to live with these two men BEFORE he pledged this idea. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Is this a dormitory? You sound very angry at your current living arrangement and seem to not get along with the girl in your room or respect her rights to be in her own room. Hopefully you'll respect your new roommates and their rights to live there, including this bf.we will not really have an issue with living in the same house because i can handle my emotions. if anything he has agreed to move out if i felt uncomfortable. my roommate starts blabbing when i kick her out of the room. the only issue i have with my living situation is if this will hurt my relationship or not. Link to comment
21pilates Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 uhm..... ive slept on the couch about three times a week for the past week. my roommate has a boyfriend too and neither of us mind giving eachother the privacy we need. but go ahead and assume, PLEASE. and as stated in the original post, i do live in a dorm yes. Link to comment
21pilates Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 heck, ive set up shop at the god damn radio station on campus because my roommates getting it in. i can smell the virginity through the screen. Link to comment
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