Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have been seeing a man who’s in an open relationship. Things were great and we hit it off right away. We would usually meet up 2 to 4 times a week. Usually we don’t text a lot but whenever we meet up it’s always amazing. He’s the one who always initiated contact and planned the dates. I have to be away from town because of work for several weeks. He told me he’d like to keep in touch and asked me for my overseas contact info. We exchanged some texts since I left.. Yesterday I got a text from him asking me how I was doing when I was in exercise. I read the text and got back to him three hours later and also asked him how he had been doing. I waited for several hours and then texted him again “I kinda hope you’d respond to my texts?” All of my texts show “read”, instead of just “delivered.” Then it’s been almost a day I still haven’t heard anything from him. It just gives me this feeling that things have gone a bit off. We haven’t known each other for long (less than two months) but have been meeting up like we are quite into each other. Honestly he’s in an open situation so I am not expecting this to become a serious relationship. But I just wonder isn’t there any better way to let me know that he somehow lost interest? I thought what we had was sincere and real but the way he withdrew is just disappointing and hurtful. Am I over analyzing? Any insight and advice? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 You've been replaced. I'd say he's onto someone new who he can actually be in bed with. Why are you settling to be with a man that TELLS you he is in an open relationship. How do you even know that is the truth? For all you know he's just a cheater. The sad thing here is you're falling for him when he has a primary partner that he's not giving up for you. What are your end dating goals? Do you want a man of your own one day or are you content to being someone's secondary filler as a lifestyle? Link to comment
mollymcdonald Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 If it has only been one day then relax - maybe something has happened in his life or maybe he is just taking a break from his phone. If you don't hear back from him in a week or so just move on because why would you want to be with someone who ghosts you ! Trust me, I have been there and know how much it hurts. I know what it's like to look at your phone every two seconds and that feeling when your heart sinks because the message has been read and you don't get a reply. Try to detach a little and not be so attentive to him, if you can. x Good luck! Link to comment
milly007 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I wouldn't waste anymore time with this guy and just walk. He's received your messages and isn't responding. The fact that he's in an open relationship is a red flag as well. How many people is he seeing/with? He could be chatting up tons of women. Plus, you haven't known him that long. I say find yourself a one woman type of guy, and drop this weenie and don't look back. He's not worth your time. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 There was one incident which kinda upset me couple of weeks ago. He was really apologetic so I thought maybe i was different!? (I was soooo dumb). Maybe it’s a good thing that he ghosted me now. At least he saved me some major future heartbreak I guess. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 If it has only been one day then relax - maybe something has happened in his life or maybe he is just taking a break from his phone. If you don't hear back from him in a week or so just move on because why would you want to be with someone who ghosts you ! Trust me, I have been there and know how much it hurts. I know what it's like to look at your phone every two seconds and that feeling when your heart sinks because the message has been read and you don't get a reply. Try to detach a little and not be so attentive to him, if you can. x Good luck! Thanks lots. He’s only disappeared for one day I have decided to end everything with him. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have no idea what this guy's MO is, I'm only posting this to say when a man doesn't reply back for awhile, best to refrain from sending him things like "I kinda hoped you would respond to my texts?" What were you hoping to accomplish by sending him that? If he didn't want to respond before that, he certainly is not gonna want to after that! I was ghosted for the first time this year. Yeah it really stings! Way worse than just being dumped in a legit way. But I eventually moved past it, started dating a new guy and guess what happened? Ghoster returned. Wanted to start dating me again! I have NO idea what goes on in the minds of some of these guys; tbh I've stopped trying to figure it out. I just focus on myself, and my own issues and motivations, and leave them be to work out whatever issues they have on their own. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 I wouldn't waste anymore time with this guy and just walk. I say find yourself a one woman type of guy, and drop this weenie and don't look back. He's not worth your time. Lesson learned. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 What are your end dating goals? Do you want a man of your own one day or are you content to being someone's secondary filler as a lifestyle? I definitely do not want to become some secondary filter. Thanks for reminding me of that! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I definitely do not want to become some secondary filter. Thanks for reminding me of that! Glad to hear that, Mcasa... Chances are he will probably contact you again once he's primed and greased the new girl he's likely grooming and when he knows you're likely desperate to be with him again. Don't let him play you. Block him so you're not tempted by the thoughts of the sex again. Don't allow yourself to become addicted to the perpetual new relationship energy. He's a user and he's likely got a whole harem of women waiting their turn. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Open relationship = he has a primary partner and other women (or men?) he's chatting with/seeing/having sex with. Don't expect to be in this man's top 10 priority list. Personally, I don't like open relationships. If they work for you, fine, but know that he's reading your messages and choosing not to respond. I'd move on. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have no idea what this guy's MO is, I'm only posting this to say when a man doesn't reply back for awhile, best to refrain from sending him things like "I kinda hoped you would respond to my texts?" What were you hoping to accomplish by sending him that? If he didn't want to respond before that, he certainly is not gonna want to after that! I was ghosted for the first time this year. Yeah it really stings! Way worse than just being dumped in a legit way. But I eventually moved past it, started dating a new guy and guess what happened? Ghoster returned. Wanted to start dating me again! I have NO idea what goes on in the minds of some of these guys; tbh I've stopped trying to figure it out. I just focus on myself, and my own issues and motivations, and leave them be to work out whatever issues they have on their own. I tried ending things with him once in a nice way by communicating with him about what might lay ahead. I should have been more firmer. After all, people are all selfish. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Unforunately with these types of situations, open relationship etc, it's a good bet he's not going to be dependable and it's also a good bet if emotions get involved you're gonna get stung. He most likely will respond eventually, they always do, it's up to you if this is enough for you though. Doesn't seem like it is to be honest. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I tried ending things with him once in a nice way by communicating with him about what might lay ahead. I should have been more firmer. After all, people are all selfish. why is this a surprise though? He has a primary partner and you're out of the country. it sounds like you're expecting more out of the situation than he is willing to give. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 why is this a surprise though? He has a primary partner and you're out of the country. it sounds like you're expecting more out of the situation than he is willing to give. I just never came across that things would develop this way. I’d expect he had the decency to explain why/how things should have ended. Like I said, it’s my first time being ghosted - and that’s the surprising part. Link to comment
Mcasa1026 Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Unforunately with these types of situations, open relationship etc, it's a good bet he's not going to be dependable and it's also a good bet if emotions get involved you're gonna get stung. He most likely will respond eventually, they always do, it's up to you if this is enough for you though. Doesn't seem like it is to be honest. You are right, it’s very unlikely for him to be dependable. And I don’t want to be with someone who’s like that either it’s a friend or a lover. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 You are right, it’s very unlikely for him to be dependable. And I don’t want to be with someone who’s like that either it’s a friend or a lover. That's a good rule to live by. I tried ending things with him once in a nice way by communicating with him about what might lay ahead. I should have been more firmer. After all, people are all selfish. That's simply not true. Are you maybe dealing with your own commitment issues? Sometimes people who have trust issues or have been hurt in the past seek out these non commitment type relationships as a defense mechanism. Kinda like 'you cant hurt me if there's no feelings to begin with'. The main issue with that is it is a defense mechanism and not genuine so you end up getting hurt anyway, funny how that works out huh? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I don't think you're quite being "ghosted" yet. I would consider that if he hasn't gotten in contact with you for a few weeks. I would not be surprised if you hear back from him in a day or two, or when you get back into his area. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 How can you expect anything serious if he already has a relationship? Why not find someone who is available? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.