sevencard2003 Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 i've not had a regular girlfriend in over 20 yrs and even way back then, my girlfriend was under the control of the court and living in a group home for emotional reasons, but at least it was the only time in my life a woman ever told me she loved me. I'm now 49 and have no dating experience, and its been about 10 yrs since ive ever been with a woman. i make my living playing poker (which i blog about) so im familiar with online forums, but some of the things id like to discuss here im not comfortable putting in there. i'm also quite poor and normally live off $15,000-45,000 per year, depending on whether its a good year or a bad year. u see poker is my ONLY income, i dont get SSI no more though i did quite a few years ago. i was getting it due to my aspergers. never worked my whole life since i was 21. used to panhandle in my early 20s. then i took up poker since i was good at board and card games. im earning from $8-20 per hour grinding $1-2 No limit texas holdem. i have a lot of fears, and im paranoid of getting robbed or killed due to the need to carry about $500-1000 on me many places and im paying much much more than i can afford on hotels due to my fear of weeklies most of which have very bad tenants. the nicer places wont rent weekly at a low enough rate, so i pay more like $1600 per month on shelter than the $200 a week a lot of vegas residents pay in them bad weekly siegel suite type places. i dont want my door busted in at night and i want to be in an interior hallways, not exterior. so these high costs (and i definitely cant rent an apt because ive no credit and dont stay in one city long enough) are killing me and keeping me from saving up a large bankroll to play higher. most of the time, ive got somewhere between $6000 and $20,000 in my checking account and i worry constantly of being kidnapped and killed for my atm debit card. theres a lot of desperate people in vegas on the streets. sure u say, look on craigslist for roommates. its too dangerous to live with strangers and i like being alone. and the landlords who might rent to me its not the nicer type places i feel safe in. i definitely dont feel safe bringing women over they would let a guy in whose probably broke and desperate and is their boyfriend they dont want me to know about. see i want to find a girl and give her a better life, (since i live in nicer places than other poor people). but most are with some black guy who uses them as a meal ticket, and beats them if theyre not supporting them financially. i dont mean to be racist but im scared to death of black men, due to beatings between age 16-22. i cant walk nowhere in downtown fremont street in vegas without seeing white women with a black guy. seems 75% of black guys wont date nothing but white women out here. this is why the black family is broken down, in poverty and so much crime, due to the men not settling down with a black girl and raising a family but running around with white women, getting them hooked on drugs then turning them out on criagslist and backpage. so i feel so much bitterness and resentment and feel my whiteness is a curse, because it makes me live in perpertual fear for my life, and keeps me without ever having a hug or kiss or being told i love u. and every single bum on the street much broker than i can easily get a girl they dont love but use as their meal ticket. and the women accept it because their professors and teachers taught them to have the system and hate men. women are so far to the left nowdays and indoctrinated by social justice its not funny. im a lot more old fasioned. i believe in loyalty, and one woman for life and not cheating on them. women only care about looks, im ugly and old at 49, and if u know how to drive. they dont accept u if u dont drink, which i dont, i feel its stupid and i feel weed is stupid too and im called a bigot for not believing it should be legalized. id like to be able to trust a woman and invite her over without worrying its a setup for robbery. id like to talk to a girl out on the street without worrying her man will beat me up. i dont know how to protect myself, have never learned how to fight and im what u call a coward. and is there at least one woman out on the street who wants a better life that dont have 100s of broke and desperate men around her taking advantage of her and being their "robbery buddy?" Link to comment
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