finding love when u have aspergers

[sevencard2003]

i've not had a regular girlfriend in over 20 yrs and even way back then, my girlfriend was under the control of the court and living in a group home for emotional reasons, but at least it was the only time in my life a woman ever told me she loved me. I'm now 49 and have no dating experience, and its been about 10 yrs since ive ever been with a woman.

 

i make my living playing poker (which i blog about) so im familiar with online forums, but some of the things id like to discuss here im not comfortable putting in there. i'm also quite poor and normally live off $15,000-45,000 per year, depending on whether its a good year or a bad year. u see poker is my ONLY income, i dont get SSI no more though i did quite a few years ago. i was getting it due to my aspergers.

 

never worked my whole life since i was 21. used to panhandle in my early 20s. then i took up poker since i was good at board and card games. im earning from $8-20 per hour grinding $1-2 No limit texas holdem.

 

i have a lot of fears, and im paranoid of getting robbed or killed due to the need to carry about $500-1000 on me many places and im paying much much more than i can afford on hotels due to my fear of weeklies most of which have very bad tenants. the nicer places wont rent weekly at a low enough rate, so i pay more like $1600 per month on shelter than the $200 a week a lot of vegas residents pay in them bad weekly siegel suite type places. i dont want my door busted in at night and i want to be in an interior hallways, not exterior.

 

so these high costs (and i definitely cant rent an apt because ive no credit and dont stay in one city long enough) are killing me and keeping me from saving up a large bankroll to play higher. most of the time, ive got somewhere between $6000 and $20,000 in my checking account and i worry constantly of being kidnapped and killed for my atm debit card. theres a lot of desperate people in vegas on the streets. sure u say, look on craigslist for roommates. its too dangerous to live with strangers and i like being alone. and the landlords who might rent to me its not the nicer type places i feel safe in. i definitely dont feel safe bringing women over they would let a guy in whose probably broke and desperate and is their boyfriend they dont want me to know about.

 

see i want to find a girl and give her a better life, (since i live in nicer places than other poor people). but most are with some black guy who uses them as a meal ticket, and beats them if theyre not supporting them financially. i dont mean to be racist but im scared to death of black men, due to beatings between age 16-22. i cant walk nowhere in downtown fremont street in vegas without seeing white women with a black guy. seems 75% of black guys wont date nothing but white women out here. this is why the black family is broken down, in poverty and so much crime, due to the men not settling down with a black girl and raising a family but running around with white women, getting them hooked on drugs then turning them out on criagslist and backpage.

 

so i feel so much bitterness and resentment and feel my whiteness is a curse, because it makes me live in perpertual fear for my life, and keeps me without ever having a hug or kiss or being told i love u. and every single bum on the street much broker than i can easily get a girl they dont love but use as their meal ticket. and the women accept it because their professors and teachers taught them to have the system and hate men. women are so far to the left nowdays and indoctrinated by social justice its not funny. im a lot more old fasioned. i believe in loyalty, and one woman for life and not cheating on them. women only care about looks, im ugly and old at 49, and if u know how to drive. they dont accept u if u dont drink, which i dont, i feel its stupid and i feel weed is stupid too and im called a bigot for not believing it should be legalized.

 

id like to be able to trust a woman and invite her over without worrying its a setup for robbery. id like to talk to a girl out on the street without worrying her man will beat me up. i dont know how to protect myself, have never learned how to fight and im what u call a coward. and is there at least one woman out on the street who wants a better life that dont have 100s of broke and desperate men around her taking advantage of her and being their "robbery buddy?"

[Seraphim]

I am sorry. :( I hope you do find love and a better life.

[DanZee]

Well, you've certainly found a lot of excuses. How about actually doing something to get out of the rut you're in?

 

Have you applied at the casinos for dealer jobs? I see a lot of dealers at the casino I go to who seem to be on the spectrum. And in talking to them, a lot of them go over to a nearby casino to play poker themselves on their off hours. Seems to me that you can put together a dealing job for $10 an hour and play poker for the rest of your money. If you look around, you can find a roommate situation with other dealers or hotel workers, so you won't have to worry about getting robbed. And the hotels are always looking for help. I worked in hotels and most have a complete worker turnover rate of 100% in 2 years. There are lots of jobs around if you look. And a job will give you access to other people who you can make friends with. And at hotels, there are lots of ladies working as maids, dealers, and so on. So you got a shot at romance. And you're in a secluded world that will protect you from outsiders.

 

So think about getting a job in the hotel and convention business. Everything else will fall into place. And once you have experience, you can go to just about any city to work since hotels and casinos are everywhere. Good luck.

[Unreasonable]

Um, not to be rude, but girls dating black guys is not why you're single. That was an unnecessary inclusion, and the kind of attitude that is going to narrow down your list of potential mates even more.

 

Try this: Visualize the kind of woman you want to be with. Then think of what you'd have to change in your life to merit that kind of woman. Because you are going to need to be at least her equal in each of those aspects.

 

I can tell you right now, security and stability is a top priority for most, if not all women. You have almost nothing to offer on that front. No woman is going to want to be going from hotel to hotel every week long term. You need to figure out how to be able to provide that first. And that is really not a "love" problem. It's something else altogether, and one that most women will have doubts about you achieving since you're 49 and still haven't got there.

[sevencard2003]

this isnt true, because i see almost every homeless bum on the street with a woman. (u arent familiar much with downtown fremont street in las vegas are u?) or boulder highway. or flamingo and Maryland Parkway. unless u live in the big city and see the huge numbers of homeless sleeping outdoors, including women, and how every single one of these white woman is being used by a black man as a "meal ticket" so he dont have to go out and do the panhandling himself, and how theyre hooked on drugs and trapped into doing it, mostly because theyve got kids by these creeps, u will never understand. most of the people reading this online forum have good paying jobs, and if u have a good paying job, u are not living in reality in the real world the rest of us live in. about 33% of the US population is either homeless, unemployed, living with friends or relatives, or getting some food of government assistance, either health care, food stamps, SSI, SSDI, etc. i think Mitt Romney said it was 47%. thats a lot of people.

 

so its not because im a bad guy that i dont have a woman. its because i dont want a woman i cannot trust. i wouldnt trust a woman who does drugs or drinks. or who hangs out with scumbags, and sees them as equals. the older i get, the more i worry about my safety. alot more so than i did as a kid, which is why i pay far more than i should in hotels just to avoid feeling "unsafe". this extra money spent on nicer hotels eats up about 100% of what i win. but i sure wouldnt be better off "working for the man". my only interest in life and skill is playing card games. and this month, im doing a little better, im up over $4000 in febraury and its only halfway thru the month. now January wasnt so good, i won less than $1500 in January, somewhat below average.

 

plus if u knew me and seen me, u would see im quite physically unattractive.

 

gambling is better than working because its "secure" u cannot be fired, or laid off. most jobs can be pulled out from under u at any moment. but gambling is always there. i've never had a losing year at poker, and only 1-2 losing months per year. the lowest ive won is about $15,000 and the highest about $50,000 for the year. and most jobs would pay me only $8-10 per hour minimum wage, if u been without a work history for 20 yrs. im earning about 1.5x this overall.

 

i gave up looking for a job in my early 20s and never tried since, due to a felony at age 20. so i cant get a gaming license. its been so long ago now, i dont think they would care about the felony no more, but only my lack of any job history. but when i was under 25, they did care.

 

i did something stupid, due to my autism. i pretended i was going to rob a hotel, with no intention of actually doing so. i had no weapon. but the police took me serious and since i left telling them i didnt really want the money and never touched it i never expected to be criminially charged.

[Unreasonable]

I sympathize with your plight. If you knew me, you'd know I had a complete breakdown and was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder when I was 30 and was out of work on SSI for 8 years. One day, after I got the counselling I needed and my medication sorted out, I decided... no more. I'm not going to live like this, any more.

 

My parting piece of advice to you is to stop trying to "find a girl and give her a better life," and work on giving yourself a better life. The other stuff will sort itself out if you can do that. Nothing is going to change, unless you change. I'm sure you've probably heard to old saying "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Complacency with gambling for a living and a different bed to lie on every week is just going to result in the same old, same old. Not to be unkind, but I believe part of that is going to require help. Professional help. More than you could get off an online forum. Good luck to you.

[abitbroken]

u see poker is my ONLY income, i dont get SSI no more though i did quite a few years ago. i was getting it due to my aspergers.

 

If poker is your only income you will have more trouble meeting someone than anyone else. If a guy told me he was a professional gambler, I would think he was a bit shady and would not want to get involved for fear everything would be gambled away. The fact that you don't stay in one place, i find very shady as well. And you have a twisted idea of race and color, too.

 

I think that if you want to better yourself, you should put your money into an education. Get a certification in something you CAN do in order to be employable or even self employable. There are tons of people with Aspergers that work in the tech field. But you can even do something else. Get yourself a legit income. you don't HAVE to live in Las Vegas, you can have a place out in a different state or anywhere and travel periodically. if you have the cash, the credit doesn't matter as much. you could find a nice couple that have an in-law apartment to rent or even offer to pay six months in advance somewhere with a private owner and not in a big apartment building.

 

I also think you are extremely paranoid and need psychological help if you are in constant fear of being robbed and are so distrustful of people. I get it - you don't have to trust other gamblers, but there are nice, everyday people out there who are not in that world.

 

And no, i don't think you should have a girlfriend right now because you would treat her as a possession or try to control her with the money you can provide.

[musicman777]

Well I can empathize with how many years you've been alone and having aspergers, I too agree with others that you need to change some other areas of your life. A poker player for life; that's a very volatile career path and lifestyle. I know quite a few women close to or around your age (single). I think most women you age are going to want a man who is strong, independent, and financially stable. Poker playing is not a stable financial investment. And, you've said it yourself; you've made as little as 15k on a bad year. That's not enough money to live off off. Hell, even your good year amount $45k is crap these days. You want a good living, a nice home, decent car, you need to aim higher than that.

 

You know, it's not to late to change your life. You're middle-aged. You got another good 40~ years left! Make the most of them. Maybe put some of that gambling money aside to go to trade school. Yes, it's not too late for that. Find a trade, or a union job of some sorts. Get a serious, stable job. Then, fix your living condition. Worrying about people robbing you etc. Maybe it's time for a move. Get a small, cute apartment somewhere, keep it clean and organized. Once all that falls in place, then maybe it's time for looking for a woman. And not someone you can "give a better life to", how about finding someone that's got a good life already? Someone that's happy already? Someone that's not going to leech off of you for emotional and financial support. Have some self-worth in what you will be bringing to the table.

[canterbury]

Thanks for a good read. I believe you about all the Los Vegas street stuff.

 

The only advice i have for you is to somehow leverage your finances to save for a better rental and get to those higher stakes games.

 

Can you live somewhere outside of Vegas? Eg, not in the big city (cheaper accomodation) and travel to the big city? I thought most poker was online these days anyway (hence you can remain anonymous).

 

My thinking is to focus on your financial and living situation first.