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Torn between Two (need some serious imput)


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I'm in need of some serious advice. I've been in a loving long distance relationship for 2.5 years, we have never met. On the other hand, I think I'm developing feelings for someone else who lives in the same town as I do, the catch is that he has a girlfriend (who is attending school a few hours away, but they see each other about every weekend. They are just as serious as I am with my current boyfriend). Before you judge, let me explain.

My boyfriend (call him "Marty") is a wonderful person and I would never want to hurt him in anyway possible. We have had ups and downs like most relationships but lately it's been hard to ignite the fire that was once there. The last "down" we had was a few months ago, where I almost broke up with him... We talk every night and text through the day, our conversations haven't held much water to them in about a year. We claim to love each other (which we do) but it's hard to finalize anything when we've never even met face to face in person. He also doesn't have much going for him currently, he's a high school drop out and is 21 living off his grandparents with no job and almost no motivation to get a job or get a higher education. I have told him many times that I will not and cannot stay if he doesn't do something for himself. He claims that he got his GED but I can't tell if he's lying or not. On top of this, he resents school and REALLY doesn't want to go to college.

I truly love him, but maybe it's more of the idea of him that I'm in love with. What he could be. He'd be a great husband and father, but what's either of those if he can't even provide for himself. He is my first boyfriend and am I his first girlfriend. I don't want to hurt him, that would be the last thing I'd want, but he suffers from depression (hence the lack of motivation. On the flip side, I too struggle with depression and motivation but if I really loved someone and wanted to spend the rest of my life with them I would at LEAST try. I digress.) so I don't know how to go about this or if even breaking up with him is the right thing! My parents do not approve of our relationship due to it being a LDR (they're skeptical) and tell me that I'm closing myself off to opportunities and options. Basically tying myself down.

Now the other guy, ("Cray"), is just so amazing. I've known him for about 2 years and I've always seen him as physically attractive and funny but not much else. As of late that has seemed to seriously changed. I laugh at almost everything he says and it brightens up my day when I see and talk to him. I find myself thinking about him more often than I should. I don't feel full blown LOVE for this guy but it's appears that I have a strong attraction towards him. We talk, laugh together, and play games when we're in the same room but outside of that we don't talk much (aside from an occasional Snapchat, but that's far and few between). I have the feeling that he likes (ever so slightly) back, but maybe that's wishful thinking. My face gets red so quickly whenever I talk to him, and I try to avoid eye contact but it's hard when we tend to look each other in the eyes. I think he knows that I some form of feelings for him. Even if he doesn't like me back in that way, he has expressed that he likes our friendship and has mentioned being best friends. Even if I can't be with him due to our actual romantic relationships with our partners, I'd love to be best friends with him for as long as I possibly can. It's possible that this is another form of loving/really liking the idea of someone. There's no guarantee that he would even consider dating me or leaving his girlfriend for me but I don't really care about that, I just want to spend time with him.


I don't know what to do and I have a very strong opinion against cheating. I love my boyfriend, but what if I start loving someone else (which I'm afraid might be soon). Maybe I'm just looking for something new but how can I be sure. I just don't want to skip out of something or someone that I could lose forever, but I also don't want to ruin everything I have. Because I'm in a LDR I feel like it's harder to keep those passionate feelings alive especially when you don't visit or see each other, which for us it could take a long while to really meet. I also don't want to hurt someone so badly that they might hurt themself or worse.

I'm so confused and conflicted, and I feel so guilty for liking someone else's man as much as I feel guilty for liking someone else while in a relationship.

Please help me!

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How can you be in a relationship with someone you have never met? This is fantasy. I will never understand why people waste their lives on virtual relationships. Marty is a mooch and a bum. How do you see a future with someone like this? He will not change.


I agree with your parents.


Time to stop your life on Marty. he is a loser. You cannot be with the other guy, if he has a gf. How would you feel if you were that girl?


I think that you should lose both of them, and find someone local.

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I'm a bit like you and I've been in almost similar situations. Trust me! No good comes out of it and yes, you are a bit further from reality. I recommend you take a break from your current "relationship" and then see what you want for yourself from life. Don't go for the other one either. You are young and you have still got time to find love. Plenty of fish out there.

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